Is it a red flag if a middle aged man sublets a room in his house because he craves companionship?

[Anonymous]

Im recently looking for a flatshare and found an advertisement of a 49 year old father of two kids who was subletting a room in his house. I messaged him and we quickly exchanged numbers. After he saw my picture he couldn’t wait to invite me over and seemed very desperate to sell it. I figured that as a single parent he must be desperately in need for the money so I didn’t think Much of it. When i met him the next day he was very happy to see me and seemed a bit nervous. We talked about 3 hours in his kitchen and meanwhile he kept telling me that my presence makes him happy, that I have very nice eyes and a charming smile. During the entire conversation he was never making any overt sexual advances and he wasn’t pushy. He mentioned that he owns this house which made wonder why he needs to sublet any rooms to which he replied that he probably wouldn’t take any money from me and that he is missing companionship after being divorced for 3 years. While saying that he seemed very ashamed and couldn’t look me in the eye. He is a musician, gifted (iq > 130) and so are his kids so he is not just some kind of sleaze bag that doesn’t have his life together. Is he a red flag? I feel a bit sorry for him tbh

[WindAtMyBack]

He wants companionship - specifically female companionship, to the point of being clingy. This doesn't sound like something you should be getting yourself into. Even if he never makes the moves on you, there would still be that undercurrent. I don't see how you could comfortably live there.

Even IF you were interested in a relationship with him, this is not the way to go about it. It's putting the cart before the horse. That goes for both of you.

It's completely understandable that he craves adult companionship. He has kids to talk to and keep him company, but that is not the same as an adult. I have known widows, widowers and divorcees who have been in the same situation. They crave a different kind of companionship than the kids can give them. I don't mean sexual, although there is that as well. They simply crave the companionship of an adult.

[Asker]

Yeah but telling me he is fascinated by me and really wants to see me again is kind of weird in this context don’t you think?

[WindAtMyBack]

Yes it's weird to be coming on that strong with a stranger. I'm willing to bet he thought about it afterwards and realized the same thing.

[Asker]

No he just keeps spamming me 😭😂

[WindAtMyBack]

Run away then. It sounds like he's obsessed.

[OtterMan68]

If you accept, you must lay out very specific and spelled out boundaries. He can't just come knock on your door any time he's bored or wants to talk unless it's about your lease or an issue with the house. There will be no romantic activity between the two of you: no dates, no "let's get coffee," or "let's go see a movie," or even a movie night in with just the two of you.

You must lay down the law that your situation will be polite and cordial, but it's tennant and landlord only, not chums.

[Asker]

Yeah but do you think he is acting weird? He also told me that is is fascinated by me and wants to see me again and speculated if it was destiny that we met

[OtterMan68]

he seems like he's lonely and wants a lady friend, and yes, that's a bit odd for a landlord

[Asker]

Why a Lady and not a guy Friend?

[OtterMan68]

could be he does want romance or he could want a little sister type that he can protect and advise.

[Drew-1990]

I feel torn here. If it truly is just companionship and nothing more than I don't see it as a red flag it's lonely out especially if he has someone and lost them. But if he wants sex with it I definitely see a red flag there especially with kids around.

[Asker]

He never said it but he implied he is looking for a partner

[Drew-1990]

Well if it's just you leaving there and giving him company I see nothing wrong honestly, a little weird but not wrong. Now if he ever starts pushing or suggesting sex you should probably leave.

[Drew-1990]

Living not leaving, sorry about that

[Asker]

Yeah but why was he so uncomfortable when he told me he was looking for companionship after 3 years of divorce? Also telling me he is fascinated by me seems kind of over the top for me

[Drew-1990]

It kinda gives the vibes he wants sex too but not necessary. It's possible, not certain, that he is just embarrassed about the fact wanting a younger girl to be his companion. Even if he as no intention of sex he is probably still happy to find a attractive girl, guys are visual so he probably likes that no matter what honestly.

[jahaims]

A guy giving a room away for free just because he found out you are a pretty female is a red flag. How old are his kids? Having a stranger move into a house with kids is a red flag too.

[Asker]

Well he said he wouldn’t want to take money from anyone moving in he just feels lonely and needs someone to talk to. I don’t necessarily think he is attracted to me

[Asker]

His kids are 10 and 7