What’s stopping men from treating women how women treat men?

[Anonymous]

I’m just curious. Like, why don’t men treat women badly like how women are treating men badly?

[Logan-5]

Guys would feel petty, and hold their manhood cheap, if they put women through the sorts of tests women come up with. From pre-teens girls, I've seen abusive conduct met with a shrug that, from a guy, would be considered disturbingly unstable and not what is expected from a guy.

Some women think that if a guy can't stand up to her, he gets what he deserves, in other words, he gets walked on to get him to toughen up. Meanwhile, he may instead be interpreting her conduct as intractable, i. e., think little of her too but for a different reason. His resignation may be born of a very sexist view, thinking this is par for the course with women. I overheard the wife of a Manhattan medical doctor call out over a cubicle wall to a colleague that men are like linoleum. You lay it right once and you can walk all over it for the rest of your life. She must've forgotten that I was working right outside their cubicles. This attitude may be born of projecting their own cliquish sensibilities onto men, imagining that the specimens they meet benefit so much from the patriarchy that they have no excuse for not having the spine to stand up to her. The joke by the doctor's wife suggests annoyance that men are too sex-driven and let themselves be easily manipulated. So the patriarchy is rotten but the guy who doesn't partake of it deserves retribution, and sexually manipulatable men should be... manipulated, er, to make up for the patriarchy's depriving her of the advantages he's getting. I wonder what the husband is like that he didn't translate his career success into better marriage success.

As for cheating, women may have more access. A willing accomplice to a fling may be easier for one gender to find than the other.

It can be a matter of going through the math. The guy might think, "It would be unlikely for me to find a better match or better qualities in a woman," while a woman might overestimate what proportion of men make more than $XXX or is over X feet tall.

Compliments don't sit well with us guys. A guy might doubt a compliment while a woman might take it seriously and wonder, "Could I trade on that to be with someone better?"

A guy might think lying is more trouble than it's worth while a woman might think it makes conversation flow better. (See Rosanne Barr)

My choice of examples is speculative since you didn't specify what poor treatment you had in mind. Perhaps you think it's such an obvious trend that it doesn't need to be elaborated on? I don't see it. The most general observation on the subject I've heard was from a (woman) psychologist, who said the reason women cheat much more than men (her observation) is that they don't view it as cheating. Women consider themselves loyal in the sense that they're loyal to their own feelings, while a guy wouldn't think that's what "loyal" means. So if a woman gets bored with a guy, she views fooling around as more of an option. If a woman drops a hot dog on the ground, she offers up the dirty one to her unsuspecting boyfriend and eats the one she didn't drop. (All her interpretation.)

I have a more charitable take, that it may be a matter of peer pressure.

Also, treating the other sex poorly can be a matter of interpretation. A man who slaves away for long hours out of a desire to support his wife may be shocked to learn that she thinks he is UNsupportive, not being home, not keeping her company, not helping with the children.

Again, whatever general difference you think exists, I don't see it and so I'm offering up very specific examples and my own and others' speculation. I hope you're just coming across an unusual sample. Another possibility is that evolution has shaped us to view the opposite gender as far more preferable and our own rather unappealing. We may more readily recognize the shortcomings of our own gender thanks to familiarity and a similar language.

[Logan-5]

Another possibility of what you are observing is in your use of the word "like." The hostility may manifest in men more physically than verbally. Since physical abuse leads to shunning more readily than verbal abuse does (it can be hard to convey what was so bad about an abuser's choice of words but a bruise is pretty concrete), guys will withhold responding--pick their battles. When I saw my sis-in-law treat my brother poorly, I said marriage seems kinda tough. He assured me he gets her back. She then blew up at me. It wasn't much fun hearing the abusive things she'd say to one of her two sons either, so I didn't want to visit them. On the other hand, my other brother, far more verbally adept, was the verbal abuser of his own family.
I've heard that since WWII, Germany has instituted anti-violence laws that are so prohibitive that strangers will get verbally abusive to the extent that they seem to be trying to get punched... but they know they can get away with it because the recipient won't want to deal with the repercussions of using violence. Perhaps that's germane to what you're observing.

[Logan-5]

Oh, one more thing. Women can feel like they have to get things right the first time to get things done before they settle down growing a family. Men don't feel as much pressure, and this can lead to a mismatch in a sense of urgency for personal goals, and thus some friction, even resentment.

[DaveJord]

Honestly this is a very good question. My take is honestly this, our mothers.

Who is a man's first love of his life? His mother.

She is the first woman you ever fell in love with. She loves you, nurtures you, protects you and cares for you. In doing all those things, she teaches you how to love, and how to be loved by a woman.

But she is also an authority figure, and disciplinarian. As you grow older, you learn from your mother, that life is just easier if you do as she tells you. You can avoid a lot of arguments and heart burn, by not talking back to her, by not voicing disagreement with her, and seriously not telling her everything thing you have going on in your life. Because your mother will never stop being your mother. And what do mother always tell their sons, I only worry because I care about you. If I did not care I would not ask or worry.

So, from birth men are conditioned to accept a reasonable amount of shit from the women in their lives. I do not think that its same for girls, but we have heard the old daddy issues argument so maybe it is the same.

But in general girls seem to be raised and conditioned to never accept the things that men do them, whereas men are conditioned to accepted accept the things women do them, because they women, can't live with them, can't live without them.

I mean a dad that give his daughter a hard time is a bad dad. But a mother that gives her son a bad time, is only due to the fact of how much she loves and cares for him... even when it does not always feel that way as the son. But you accept it, because she is your mother.

As a man, I have far more respect for most women, then the average women have for most men. And that is because daddy, and the times they were raised in, spoiled them, and therefore they expect every other man to do the same.

There has never been a better time to live in this world as a woman, right now. Women in general have never had it so good as they do today.

I am not saying men have it bad, per say, but now is definitely not the best it has ever been to be a man. Women today have no appreciation or respect for that.

[Anonymous]

Because it would be an embarrassment.

Being petty is a sign of being out of control and trying to get away with something. It's lower than a sucker punch.

Being rude to someone who is flirting with you is seen as pompas. Being pompas means you're untrustworthy, a quality which woman can easily circumvent for a variaty of reasons.

Woman would not tolerate it. Keep in mind there are a lot of desperate boys out there who will cater to even the most ridiculous behavior. Imagine a man canceling plans last second and coming up with a senseless excuse that you're expected to pretend to believe? Which would also just be dishonorable.

Woman don't need to act anything like men and you should be happy about that if anything. You aren't expected to uphold your behavior the same way as us or to have as much patience. I can uproot small trees with my bare hands, if I landed it just right, I could probably kill somebody with one shot to the face.

Do you think you would be able to live your life with that kind of power available to you at all times? Would you be able to exercise self control when ever people agetate you or push your buttons?

[MrOracle]

1. That would expose men to TONS of liability, because unlike women, men are NOT allowed to get away with doing so.

2. Doing that would STILL give women attention, which is what they want more than anything.

3. Ignoring them altogether is far more effective, makes a much bigger impact to the women, and doesn't expose the man to nearly as much liability.

[JacobJordan]

Cause men are taught to protect women from an early age. "Hey you be careful with her she isn't as durable as you are" "be gentle women are more fragile than we are" "careful how you talk they are not as rational as we are" and many other things we hear all the time from our fathers growing up.

[Anonymous]

Because i was raised to not treat women badly. Because most men have a very strong desire to take care of and protect women. And no, its not societal, Its instinctual. unfortunately Empathy is something that women are sorely lacking in this generation, They tend to only have empathy for women and children, none for men. Its sad really. We use to stand next to eachother no matter the cost.

[ZackBan]

Because most normal men (even women) would rather have a healthy relationship with no bad treatment

[NathanDavis]

women do not treat me badly... that's just not a thing in my life

[VV3ZZY123]

Women like that are just a waste of my energy. Not worth it. Also girls get away with a lot because they are so cute and can act innocent.

[sirderpsalot123]

Most women haven't treated me badly, and I choose to be better than the ones who did.

[Fullshow]

Some do some don't. That's a personality issue not a sex based one

[normalice]

Women don't treat men badly.

[Unit1]

I'm not replicating assholes.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Genetics and society

[jahaims]

They have a conscious

[Pohjolan]

Going extinct as a species.

[Anonymous]

Some actually do

[eagle1951]

women