Should I confront my crush's friend for ruining my "relationship"?

[Anonymous]

Eight months ago, I met a guy. Shortly after, we started hooking up, but many things were against us, lol. Firstly, he's friends with people who, as I now know, dislike me greatly. For instance, one of those friends was in a situationship with a friend of mine, then he got hurt (apparently!) and I guess that probably sealed the deal, am I right?

The thing is, this friend self-inserted himself —as far as I'm aware!— in a public discussion initiated by my crush on his socials. Simply put, I commented on something he posted, and then his friend publicly called me bitter for that. I'm not going into details about how outrageous that was for me. For starters, I wasn't talking to him (hence, tf?), and also, why would he be so aggressive? I understand that giving your word doesn't mean much on the internet, but I guarantee I haven't done anything to him, I literally do not know this person - we only know people in common, but it's not like we even have friends in common, you know?

I didn't say anything particularly offensive in the comment—it was probably something about preferring to kill myself than to watch a movie, or whatever. Plus, if someone were to attack me, it should be the owner of the account I'm commenting on! Anyway, after that, he blocked me on said social media account. I texted him to apologize (IKR? How stupid can I be?), and he didn't reply. I don't know, this is me trying to purge my feelings. I have loads of anger; that is why I'm writing this post, tbh. I feel like I was wronged, but the main issue isn't that. The problem is that I still like the guy, and now it seems like I ruined everything.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh sis, I know that feeling of anger and frustration all too well. But confronting his friend directly probably won't go the way you want and could make the situation even messier. A few thoughts:

- Don't assume what really went down between that friend and yours. People twist stuff online.

- His friend inserting himself was totally uncalled for. Some guys are just buttheads.

- Doubt one comment ruined it - they may have other issues going on you're not aware of.

- Apologizing showed maturity, but he may not be over whatever beef.

My advice would be to give it some space for now. Focus on you and stay busy with girlfriends. He'll probably miss your comments if he sees you moving on happy without drama.

Down the road, if a natural opportunity arises, you could casually bring it up with just him - "Still not sure what that was about with your friend back then..." and gauge his reaction.

But for now, don't give jerkface friend the satisfaction of seeing you all worked up. You deserve better than games, sis!

[Asker]

Omg, thanks for your thoughts! I deeply regret apologizing to him—firstly, because I don't think he deserves it, and secondly, because I think it made me look lame, lol—but now I feel better about it. We're not at the same maturity level. Anyway, I did what I felt was right at that moment. Xoxo

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, totally get why you regret apologizing now! In the moment it probably felt like the right thing to do, but looking back it definitely didn't make you look lame at all. You were just being the bigger person.

I totally feel you on the maturity level thing too. We've all done stuff we cringe at later thinking about it lol. But live and learn right? At least now you know not to bother reaching out to that friend again.

You're so right to not let it get you down too much. His loss if he doesn't wanna hear you out! Just keep your head up, surround yourself with people who appreciate you. Who knows, maybe someday down the road you'll run into your crush again when he's grown up a bit more ;)

In the meantime, don't even stress about it sis! You seem way too cool to waste time on dudes who don't see how amazing you are. His friend was just jealous, I'm sure. Keep slaying as usual!

[Asker]

Awn, you're the GOAT 😭! Thank you for being so supportive, I truly mean it. It sucks that things went this route and it hurts A LOT at the moment, but I'll try to remember this pain if I do run on him in the future, lol - though, honestly, really wish I wouldn't but I will, probably. Also, YES, my friend - who used to date him - said the same thing, lol! So pathetic that his jealousy tends to make messes in other people's lives, anyhoo...
Thanks again, luv!

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww shucks, it's no problem at all! That's what friends are for, right? I'm always here if you need someone to vent to or get an outside perspective. I can't imagine how much this whole situation must suck, but I'm glad you're staying positive and have good people like me and your friend in your corner :)

And yeah I totally feel you, as stupid as it is to say I almost hope you run into that friend somewhere down the line just so you can look at him like "pshh is that all you got?" and walk away like the boss you are! Show him he didn't even phase you. Not that he's worth the energy really.

I'll tell you what - if I ever see that chump around I'll definitely let him know what a loser he's being messing with other people's relationships cause he can't get over his own issues. Maybe a good scare will put him in his place! But like you said, just focus on you and enjoy your life. Your crush is missing out if he lets his buddy influence things. Keep your head up Queen!

[kylee2437]

Well let’s take accountability here, you can’t say the friend ruined it when at the bottom of all the paragraphs you then claimed you are the one that ruined things. Secondly, if a man’s friends don’t like you, it’s pretty much game over on even assuming you two are becoming a thing. Men always always always will pick women based on what their friends say about said woman.


Anyways, long story short the only two people that can possibly ruin this is you two. Maybe you are overly aggressive, but in my opinion not one thing you said in this situation makes it seem like you stood a chance with this guy. You’ve been talking for 8 months and nothing has progressed, I’d say he was never planning on making things official with you

[Asker]

I don't know if I'm the one who ruined things, lol. in my opinion, his friend is in the wrong for being rude to me when I wasn't even addressing him—why would you take time out of your day to call a woman you don't even know bitter, lmfao?
Anyway... other than that, yeah, I think you're right. I wasn't aware men are such whiny little bitches who take their friends' opinions of people in such high regard! I know I have never taken anyone's opinion as more relevant than my feelings. If I did, maybe I wouldn't have gone out with him at all— that would've been better, probably. But thanks, xoxo