What's the respectable way to support boyfriend/husband if he loses his job, and girl has more money than him?

[Bethany22]

Should she immediately offer him money, or would that be emasculating, whereby she should just wait for him to ask for financial support? Does the situation change if it's just a boyfriend, whereby she shouldn't be giving him any money at all unless he wants to marry her?

[Anonymous]

It depends on what type of man he is. If he’s like one of these boys these days that I see running around living off women chances are he will take it. Now if he’s someone who was raised like me, figure things out, fix it, get off your ass, do something about it than more than likely he’s going to refuse to take the money. Because as a man you feel less of a man when you can’t provide for your family, take care of them. This isn’t something you can fix. Give him some space. Tell him its an option if you’re willing to help. But more than likely if he’s like me he’s going to figure something out. He will be quiet for a while. Just be there, let him know you’re there if he wants your help. If he can’t figure it out eventually he may have to swallow his pride by saying yes to your help. Which can be a hard thing to do for a man, but when it comes to your family you need to swallow that pride sometimes and do what you need to do for your family. But don’t try to solve it for him right away, give him a chance. A man cannot not be a better version of himself if he doesn’t suffer some, to know what he’s capable of doing in tough times. That’s why you see so many boys online crying cause they’ve had an easy life, everyone protecting them. Society telling them it’s ok for you to be emotional, then when something really happens they don’t know how to handle it.

[MicahRaine]

Boyfriend: You shouldn't start paying their bills. Let them be frugal and get another job.

Husband: Of course you should. You took the vow of "for richer or poorer." In a marriage, you're in it together.

[Skinhead-1979]

I don't see any issues here... though for me it did cause issues; or better said "it made a bad situation even worse"

I lost my 'Right-to-Reside' in the UK for 2 years (2017-2019) due to bullying from the 'Department for Work and Pension' (DWP), therefor I was not allowed to work.

At the same time DWP forced my partner to go into employment, despite us having 2 young children at that time. I saw the removal of my 'Right-to-Reside' as a blessing because that would mean 1 parent could still stay at home and look after the children, we also didn't miss out that much on income so all was good: I took on the noble role of 'Housewife' while the ex worked. I did the housekeeping, looked after the kids and brought them to school, dinner was on the dining table the moment the ex stepped through the door in the evening; late in the evening, when she came home, I would have her blanket, pillow and a cup of tea ready... I played my part.

The ex of course resented it... She didn't want to work, and she certainly didn't want to look financially after me. She's been fine with it that for 9 years I was the one bringing in the money; I paid off debts she had with her ex, etc... but when I asked her for help, when she had kicked me into the gutter (made me homeless after my first suicide attempt when she cast me aside), with the loan I had which also included around the £1500 of her debts/ overdrafts, she refused to help me and said "Well, I think I have paid my fair share in the past 2 years so I won't help you"

[RavVid]

It is highly problematic to lend anyone money or to be a guarantor of a personal loan from a lending institution.

A husband and wife have a joint household and it is up to the wife to keep the financial side together solely until he gets another job. It is not really a matter of asking for financial support i don't think. It is a matter of them jointly managing the new situation they are jointly in.

If a boyfriend & girlfriend have a joint household it is much the same but they likely will have separate savings. I presume the girlfriend will sponsor food & utilities and the boyfriend gets to eat.

If there is not a joint household than merging households is most sensible but one or both may not want that. It is really make or break for this couple I'd suggest. Getting a new job can be a long tunnel and financial support along with it.

I was in fact pressured into helping a girlfriend out of a credit card hole. Theory was she would pay back faster without the high interest. I set up a new bank account to make the accounting easy - what was in the account was what she had paid back.

It went well for a while. When she got half way she simply decided to stop paying back. It wasn't fair. I earn't a lot more than she did and she wasn't putting up with the unfairness of it all.

Not in my family but another I know well, the mom lent her son the money to buy a house which he would pay back like a mortgage. It went well for a while but he decided he couldn't keep on giving his mom money. Not that he was giving her money but that is the way he spun it.

Lending to your nearest and dearest can be highly problematic.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Depends where he's at, financially speaking. If he gets laid off today and he can't eat next week that's different than he has 2 months of emergency money and used to work at Uber. I could technically go quite a while betwen jobs. I took 8 months off when I bought my house to work on changing out some things I didn't like about it. Didn't really impact my overall picture because I have other income streams. I'm going to assume he doesn't have other income streams, since you're asking this, but could he get one easily if he needed to? Uber or whatever? He may never need financial support from you. Most of us accept that's not something we can ever depend on. He may be frustrated from job hunting and could use a distraction from time to time. Words of encouragement, things lilke that. It's hard to say without knowing more about him.

[Anonymous]

This should be handled case by case. I mean of course you should have your partners back.

In general I think it's a bad policy to lend money. Of course I don't even follow that policy though so..😂 I think you need to keep your emotions out of this decision. As a guy I wouldn't want my partner bailing me out financially. Of course my pride would keep me from asking as well though.

Like I say I think this should be handled case by case. I may lend money out. But it's only to family. And I'm tight enough with them that I know I'll get it back, or they're the type that would spend their entire life trying.

I don't know if this answered your question. But it's the best I got.

[Kelley1]

The answer depends on why he lost his job. If he is a no account bum that would rather lay around sorry, get drunk, and gamble then to look for and keep a job, she needs to rectify her mistake and leave him and/or divorce him.

If he is a normal man, he will get another job, even if near minimum wage until he find a normal job. If married, do what is necessary until he is employed again. If he is a boyfriend, give him up to $500. If he need more, arrange for a bank loan and he puts up his car for collateral. You can also put up an additional amount from your bank account as additional collateral. He knows he has to pay the bank but you will understand if he doesn't pay you.

[HighValue]

It depends. Do they live together and normally share basic living expenses? If yes, then when one loses their job, that is likely to happen at some point to each of them if they are together long enough, then the other should temporarily pick up the slack for basic expenses. (utilities, food, etc., but not entertainment, or unnecessary expenses.)

If they don't live together, then it shouldn't be expected. Boyfriend/girlfriend is the same as husband/wife in my opinion for expectations once in an exclusive long term relationship.

[AviatorTom]

I did lose my job once. And the best thing my then-wife did is leave me alone, take on as much as she can for the family while we lived on our financial reserves. Then, after a few weeks, I started looking for another job, and she encouraged me, even doing online searches for jobs I was qualified for. Fortunately, we found one, I interviewed, and was hired. Total time out of work was 3 months.

[PatKirby]

According to Briffault's Law in relationships between men and women, the woman determines the terms of the relationship and that any association between the man and woman will only occur if the woman derives some benefit from the association.

Simplified (at 1:01min) "Once you stop providing a value or benefit to a woman in a relationship, that relationship ceases to exist." Therefore when a man stops providing things, money, resources, etc... the woman typically drops him.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/KOMD3H6oHyg

So more often than not, this is what usually happens in real life...

... it's only a matter of time.

[shortster]

Tell him to go get another one. If he asks for financial support, look at your ring finger. If there is a wedding band there say "of course"; if not say "sorry, I don't see a ring on this finger". Financial support should be reserved for married couples. Doing it before marriage is a recipe for disaster and resentment.

[IslaTheWitch]

If we still don't live together I would offer him to move in, it should lower his living costs significantly. And I would tell him that if he needs anything, I will help as much as I can. But the decision is his, when and what...

[Lionman95]

Try to build him up by encouraging him to look for a job, it may take some time but try to help regain confidence and you can offer to support him otherwise. But focus more on helping build up his confidence in himself again.

[DishLady]

Give him space and don't rub it in (your $ or his unemployment). Only give advice if he asks for it. Acknowledge that the job loss and job search are stressful and treat him to a nice neck/back rub to destress.

[RetroReviews]

Just be there for him safe there's something you need don't hesitate to ask or maybe you could do a favor like buy him a meal or something say hey let's meet for lunch they might be more agreeable to that than just taking money

[exitseven]

I lost my job twice. I collected unemployment so finances were not as bad as they could have been. I had a good career and my wife was confident that I would find another job.

I work in IT and getting laid off is just part of the gig.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on if you live together if your boyfriend/girlfriend. But I think it's a case of you just need to both sit down and discuss the financial situation, what adjustments can be made and those sorts of things. I don't think there is any right or wrong way of doing it as long as you have a true discussion with your partner.

[Drewtate]

If he's your husband it's our money. Support him with plenty of sex and help him get another job and encourage him to enjoy his time off.

[dreamstar72]

Depends on how or why he lost his job.
If it was not his fault then think about what would he do if the situation was reverse. This would tell a lot.

[Unit1]

By treating her boyfriend/husband not much different than if he has a job. Provided he does expend effort to find or create a new source of income that is.

[Nifrayu]

If you're able and willing to offer money, that would be immensely appreciated in a situation like that. Some people don't feel comfortable asking for money and is hoping it will be offered.

[Yannae]

Staying loyal is about all I wished from her. And she did and now we very stable.

[KostasKouvalis]

I think she should help him get another job. If he can't afford rent, let him stay with her.

[DextroShade]

She will inevitably leave, it's just a matter of how long until she does.

[PatKirby]

^Bingo^ The real world teaches us men exactly this and it's a harsh lesson. Let's not forget that she likely monkey branches to the next male soon afterward that she's quietly chosen beforehand from her beta orbiters as a backup.

[Jennz6]

Why don’t you just share the same bank account or cookie jar

[Ladsin2]

Try not to turn into a harpy. That said in all likelihood if he doesn’t get back on his feet you’ll leave him. So start the day counter.

[MrGSpotHer]

Id offer extra special services they would hopefully make up for it..

[OhLongJohnsoning]

She doesn't rub her money in his face