My friend thinks I like him how do I tell him I don't?

[Anonymous]

I said I liked his haircut and that it looked cute. he said "aww do you have a little crush on me"... then I said sarcastically "no I have a huge crush on you"... then he had a smile on his face and told me he thinks I'm really beautiful. He bought me stuff that I wanted (even though I said , it's okay he doesn't have to.) and kept hoovering over me. He's acting like a boyfriend. How do I tell him I didn't mean it that way? 😔

[Anonymous]

"no I have a huge crush on you" Brilliant! Just fucking brilliant!

How would you feel if a guy who you fancied told you that he thought you were beautiful? And then later, he said, "Oh, I was just joking!" Would you be laughing because it's a funny joke, or crying because your heart got broken?

Some things should never be the subject of a joke, such as your feelings towards another person, or jokingly telling your SO about you having a boyfriend on the side.

Well, his heart will be broken but that's unavoidable. Go ahead and tell him, and then stop talking to guys until you grow up and stop making stupid "jokes" that really aren't too fucking funny.

[Asker]

I like him too.

[Opinion Owner]

You like him, but you are asking "how do I tell him that I don't like him?' How do you think this looks to others?

[Asker]

Ok but I like him too. Problem solved

[Anonymous]

It's a penalty of sarcasm. It's also a bit of a misuse of sarcasm, a good comeback would have been more "I think the problem here is your crush on me".

It's now hard for you to reflect your true intent because he is always able to feel maybe your employing sarcasm to hide your true feelings now (as you probably realise)

Are you sure you don't like him, some? I mean, you took the stuff he bought you? if you don't like him some and your taking stuff from him thats mean (doesn't mean you have to think he's a boyfriend, but he should be at least a friend).

Your only hope here is to just drop all sarcasm, double talk and jest; Just say honestly how your seeing him, and then express how you would like this to proceed (whatever that is); Then respect him if he is hurt and decides to withdraw from you.

[DishLady]

HOOVERING? Sounds dangerous...

Ok, so if you're TOO sweet with a guy and flirtations as well (which you were) then obvi the guy's going to presume you like him. Has he claimed to be your boyfriend? If not, I'm sure that, as a big girl who got herself into this mess, you can make a polite excuse on your own about being unavailable or busy till he gets that you're not interested in him that way.

[coxoabean]

Oh. He obviously likes you, so I'm sure he'll end up feeling hurt. I would tell him how you feel honestly about him. Tell him you didn't mean it in that way, but also tell him some positive things you do like about him. Hopefully he won't get too hurt by this

[coxoabean]

It's there a reason you don't like him in that way, could it possibly be because he has been your friend for a while and you feel you couldn't be anything with him? I am because I've gone through something similar, and that was my reason for not wanting to be more than friends with him.

[blueonblack22]

You are without a doubt a huge part of the problem. Seriously.

So you are “friends” with him and you are accepting attention, gifts, etc. You are throwing him “bones” with mixed message compliments. You are literally torturing this guy.

I don’t know how old he is. But I do know you are at least 30. SO GROW UP LADY! Seriously. You should know better by now not to do that to men. You knew he liked you from the beginning but instead you choose to play dumb to it because you like the attention. It’s bad enough when 19 year olds to do this to guys, but a grown ass woman over 30 doing it?

[Asker]

To be be fair I look 18.
I honestly didn't know he liked me. I told him it's okay he didn't have to buy me anything and he still did.

[blueonblack22]

And you ACCEPTED IT. You knew damn well he likes you.

You should of spoke up immediately when he started buying you things and doing you favors. You could of said “hey Joe I appreciate it. But I need to know if you like me, you know what I am talking about. Because to be honest I do like you as a person but I have to be honest I am not interested in dating. I am telling you that because I respect you.” THAT is how you should of handled it.

And it doesn’t matter that you “look 18”. Sounds like you enjoy feeling 18 but that doesn’t give you the excuse to ACT like you are 18.

You are grown woman. You should know better about much damage the friendzone setup can do to men. This isn’t going to last forever nor is it going to end well. You know that.

I’ve had a few grown ass women in their 30s try to pull this bs on me in recent years. I was incredulous. Because you know exactly what’s going on. You should know how much this is going to really harm him in the long run. But it sounds like benefits you get from him far outweigh any actual real RESPECT you have for him.

[Asker]

I do like him. He's such a sweet guy and we always hangout. I think he is cute. We've been friends for a while now but I honestly didn't think he would look at me that way.

[blueonblack22]

Can you see yourself dating him or not?

[Asker]

Yes I can

[blueonblack22]

Alright you could of worded your question much better. Initially it sounded like you had no romantic interest in him but just wanted to keep him around as a “platonic friend”.

Sounds like you are unsure what you want to do with him. If you would of worded this better I wouldn’t of been as judgmental in my initial response. You also posted as anon and I notice women usually post anon on GAG when they are asking/admitting to really bitchy/selfish behavior.

Just FYI he wouldn’t be buying you gifts if he wasn’t interested. The only exception to that is sometimes guys will do nice things for women who are going through very hard times. I am friends with a widow and was struggling financially. I don’t want a relationship but I do feel bad for her. A few years ago I sent her a box full of toys for her two kids for Christmas.

But I don’t think he’s getting you gifts out of sympathy. How old is he anyway?

[Asker]

He's 32

[blueonblack22]

Well I don’t understand why you are hemming and hawing on him. What’s holding you back? He obviously likes you, you like him and he treats you well.

Just tell him you would like to go on a real date. He will take it from there. But make sure he understands is a REAL date.

[Asker]

What's a fake date?

[blueonblack22]

How you are acting now is fake. You are complimenting him on his looks but don’t want him to think you like him. It’s not you are his mother or something. You are in dating range. He’s going to take this seriously.

[uncleBobbyb77]

Well your sarcasm seems to have bitten you back, eh? be honest and do it fast. First though perhaps do some introspection and ask yourself "have the prerequisites I've used to choose the men I've dated previously worked out to my satisfaction thus far". What do you want vs what do you need from a relationship? Perhaps the guy you friend zoned in your mind can provide more of what you need, which is vastly more important than what you want. If so then reevaluate what it is your placing value on. If he still isn't in the running then be honest, not brutally so, just let him know. Hell, if your truly being a friend tell him why it's a no go for you in a constructive, let me help you find someone else I'll be your winggirl kind of way.

[Finchie40]

First give him back the things he bought you and tell him you didn’t want him getting the wrong impression, just be upfront and honest with him that you don’t have feelings for him in that way , tell him you are sorry that he took things the wrong way , you don’t have to be rude about it , just be honest

[TheLovelyIntrovert]

Completely agree with this.

[rosemilk]

just say "hey, i don't mean to hurt your feelings, but i thought we were both joking and being sarcastic. i don't actually have a crush on you, i'm sorry"

[Truthatanycost]

It is very obvious that you do like him. It is not easy being honest with ourselves, even when writing as anonymous on the internet...

[AffectionKing]

Just tell him before it gets worse. But don’t be rude just get straight to the point. “We are friends only. I only like you like a friend/brother.”

[BetaBucks]

By telling him in a casual way. That's it. No ceremony.

[FarmBoy13]

Oh he’s going to be hurt, you shouldn’t joke about such things, he obviously likes you and has been holding back for your friendship…….. good luck with that 🍀

[mobiusforniner]

lol. Sweetheart, you like him. Like, like-like him. Go with the flow and see how it goes.

[jack1924]

This is stupidity, if you said it as sarcasm, he would’ve seen it as sarcasm also, but now that he likes you you don’t want this anymore
A lot of context is missing

[noohair]

Men are simple. If you want them to know something or need an answer to a question, speak slowly, use simple words and don’t leave anything to interpretation.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Tell him you are not interested in him, that's all.

[Anonymous]

Lol if you actually said it as sarcasm he would have seen it like that. This is what men mean with mixed signals.

[In_Trance]

You say something along the lines of sorry I'm not interested

[ballıbörek01]

You don't have to be direct, but show some clues. He will understand over time.

[Wise4myage]

Honesty is the best policy.

[dudegreat91]

Just be direct