My husband think it's okay for him to stay outside until 2 am without letting me know?

[Anonymous]

So my husband goes to the gym sometimes at night, he leaves at 9pm, after putting the kids to sleep and then only come home around 1 30 or 2am. I asked him a million time before to let me know, if he is going to do something else after the gym but he still doesn't communicate. He loves smoking hookah so he goes to see a friend or just by himself. We had an argument today and he think he doesn't need to let me know.. he claimed he forgets and it's really not important. I don't know what to do with him.

[ManOnFire]

He also doesn't care that if something happened to him at 2am or there were people who met him with ill intentions, that if he disappeared you would have no way of knowing his last whereabouts so the police can find him.

What I think is that he probably has the same issue a lot of married men with kids do: they don't want to be around their families that much and need to escape, and he figures 2am is the best time for him to do it. Maybe you also remember that report in the news a few years ago saying how a lot of men hole themselves up in the bathroom at home to have "alone time" away from their wife and kids. Probably the same situation with him.

It's also possible he could be cheating too.

[Asker]

Yep, I totally forgot to tell him that if anything bad happened to him, I wouldn't know where he was!
He spends the day with the kids and i , when he is not at work, he loves going out for dinner or just taking walks but when we are home, he is mostly on his laptop or phone. And ofc he stays in the toilet forever 🙄
Cheating is a possibility too, but how will I know? I caught him long time ago talking to girls on social media. He is not a someone with lot of self confidence, especially since he put on weight so I don't know if he will physically cheat!

[ManOnFire]

Then we can probably cross out the cheating, although ya never know. Some guys are getting ass even if they don't look like the types to. I've been surprised to find out about dudes I thought were virgins or not good with women were actually getting laid. Men are harder to read with sexual activity.

I'm going to say he's just trying to have that alone time, especially now that you mentioned him being on the toilet forever. Goes hand and hand with that old report.

[Asker]

I get that he want to have some alone time, as he feels guilty to leave me with the kids, but why not letting me know.
I had no idea men still get some while being unattractive or generally shy and having low confidence !!!

[ManOnFire]

Because he wants that time to just disappear with no connection to family or maybe even the world period. I'm not saying this is right at all, cuz it's not, but I think that's probably the logic behind it.

Yeah, I've known guys who were very quiet and seemed shy and I thought they had no game, just to be blown away and find out they're fucking some girl or a couple of them. Guys will surprise you. Girls are a lot easier to detect with sexual behavior.

[Asker]

Yeah, could b that or could be like those guys you have known and the surprise, surprise 🫣? l! Only time will tell, or I might do like someone suggested here, and track him, by putting a GPS tracker in his car.
I feel like if I have to do this, there is not point of staying in this marriage 🤔
Thanks for your input. I appreciate your time.

[lightbulb27]

That is not ok, tell him I said so.

That you are so tollerable of his behavior... he should be very thankful.

I used to forget communicating. So learn to manage that... set a reminder! Maybe that's his down time and he wants to be alone, and we do go into our "cave man brain" at times and it feels wonderful... ok fine. But do communicate.

[Anonymous]

I don’t wanna put anything bad in your head, nighttime gym is very normal, my boyfriend does that too since he gets off late. But to be getting home at 2 in the morning and he can’t be bothered to let you know he isn’t coming straight home, that’s suspicious. It takes less than a minute to send a text or call, so it makes me feel like he’s keeping his phone away to fully give his attention to the thing occupying his time those 5 hours.

[Opinion Owner]

Then to say he forgot is just such a joke. You’re telling me during the time he’s allegedly making plans with this friend to meet up for hookah that he can’t say something to you? Ridiculous. Every hookah bar I’ve been to is clubbing vibes, dark environment and half dressed women.

[Asker]

Yeah, I know he is lying when he said he forgot! Especially that we had this same conversation last week, when he disappeared after his gym sesh and came back home so late.
I hate dealing with this.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry, after already having an issue in the past I’m sure this is like what the actual fck.

I don’t wanna lean into the whole cheating narrative too much because you’d drive yourself crazy not knowing and it’s hard to function under those circumstances. On top of that there’s no proof. So I’d rather work with what you got, and decide what that means for you going forward. He has made it very clear that no matter how you feel about it, he’s not going to check in when he’s out late. It’s a pointless argument and source of pain at this point. Yes he should care, yes it should matter, no you shouldn’t have to keep asking him to check in, but what else can you do? Can’t twist his arm into it. You either choose to make peace with this, maybe not focus too much on how late he’s out and go to bed your own self. Let any indiscretions find their way to you because truth always comes to light. I don’t know if I’d be able to accept the blatant disrespect, but I also recognize you’re married with kids now so, it’s a tough spot.

[Asker]

Thank you, I think I'm just let it go and not focus on this anymore. I know deep down that if there is something, it will come to light and I will know. I would have dealt with this differently if I didn't have small kids, like you said. For now I'm choosing peace for the sake of my kids and for my self... until he give me another reason..

[Apple1996]

Put a gps tracker in his car and see if he's really at the gym during those times

[Asker]

Wow I never thought of this !

[Apple1996]

Yeah some couples just track each other's locations on their phones but since he's already being weird it's probably best to be sneaky about it

[Asker]

Looking for one now online, thanks for the tip 👍

[hello123456789]

Your husband should communicate. I don't personally see any issues with him going to the gym or even smoking hookah... but most married men don't do this while the wife is home alone at night.

[exitseven]

If I did that the locks would be changed and all my stuff would be on the front lawn before I got home.

[Asker]

Damn! So I'm not exaggerating!!
Yesterday he finished work at 1am. He came home at 4 30 am. I obviously texted him at 4am to see where he was!! He told me since I said I don't care anymore ( I said when I was angry at him for being unapologetic) he didn't text last night to see if I still care 😐 🤔

[Fireguy17]

as a courtesy it is nice to let your SO know where you are and your approx ETA.

[Anonymous]

I mean you’re not his mother. But it’s definitely possible he’s doing something he doesn’t want you to know about.

[bowenw]

It sounds fishy to me and he may be seeing other women.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Time to lay the law down with him. You don't deserve that treatment from him.

[Asker]

He didn't it again, tonight. I told him last time, I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, after he didn't apologize. It's 4 am here where we live and he finishes work at 1am and went out again without checking in with me, so texted him, he said he didn't text me to see if I Still care! Wtf, right!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Asker Yes I agree with you, you need to consider taking time away from him until he straightens himself out, or maybe you will have to end things. I wish you the best on this matter!

[Asker]

Thank you so much

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Asker You are welcome

[Cheerfull009]

May be ha goes to friend to smoke Hooka because in Europeon countries , no concept of Hooka and very difficult to get tobacco for Hooka, or may be some other reason also

[DishLady]

He’s not at the gym till 2am, lady… If he’s pumping something it’s def not iron.

[OddBeMe]

I do get you. But why are you hard up on this? Being a night owl myself if a friend offers hookah at 3am im fucking there.

[Asker]

But you would let your partner know

[OddBeMe]

Yeah. But she ain’t hard up on keeping tabs on me at 3am.

[OddBeMe]

I’m not on your bf’s side. If you ask for something he should at least discuss it with you instead of ignoring you.

[Jmmmfi4]

I THINK YOU'RE OVERREACTING A BIT. LET HIM GO HAVE SOME FUN. HELL COME BACK TO SOON.

[NOTHINGEVERHAPPENS]

Honey, I don’t think he’s going to the gym.

[DrPepper12]

🚩🚩🚩🚩 Marriage counseling time

[Anonymous]

Yeah, sure, he is going to the gym.

[jahaims]

Why do you need to know?

[Asker]

Communication is important to me. Plus he is my husband, if we switch roles, I wouldn't go out and stay until early morning and not say anything to him.