My boyfriend stays out until 3am most nights, do I have a right to be upset?

[Anonymous]

We have been living together for about 4 months now. He will wait until I fall asleep and then he'll go hang out with his friends and won't come home until 3 or 4am. This happens about half of the nights out of the week.

What bothers me is that he never really tells me. He just leaves while I'm asleep and sometimes I'll wake up and he'll be gone and I'll miss him. :( On the flip side, he brought his friends over to our apartment at 1am the other night and didn't tell me; I was sleeping in my underwear!

We haven't gone to bed together in a long time and I just miss the days when he would cuddle me to sleep. Instead, now I feel like he thinks I'm boring. He just plays video games until I fall asleep and then leaves. I don't know what to do or if I even have a right to be upset here. Of course he should hang out with his friends but I definitely don't stay out that late... Maybe I should start!

[MrOracle]

You're in a "relationship" with a guy who isn't ready for a relationship (or to give up his hard-partying ways), and is likely just using you for convenient sex.

I'm sure he was exciting and fun when you met him, but you obviously didn't consider how his lifestyle was going to affect you (i. e., you assumed he would change or that you could change him). But people almost never change - he is who he is and who he always was.

You are in a relationship with someone who isn't compatible with you, and now you have to deal with that. The lesson here is that "mutual attraction" by itself isn't nearly enough to make a relationship - COMPATIBILITY is also hugely important. Things that seem exciting at first (a party guy) are often not things you'd want in a relationship, and it's up to YOU to filter out guys who do such things BEFORE you get into a relationship with them.

[zach3ry]

He's seeing someone else. The first time my ex fiance pulled something exactly like that I talked to her friends and they all had little to say. Red flag. Second time it happened I trailed to see what's going on. I then told her the next day that I'll be working overtime pulling more weight around at work today so I'll be late getting home. I came home 2 hours earlier than when I usually get off work and guess what? Came in really quite, opened my bedroom door fast and caught them both naked and terrified

[Asker]

see that's definitely something I'm worried about. he just doesn't seem interested or attracted to me anymore. when we eat dinner or sit together it's just silent, we're both on our phones, nothing to talk about. i feel like he cares more about going to see his other friends, but why can't he do that during the day, not 3am?

[zach3ry]

Because it's a girlfriend

[zombiebabe]

damn he really needs to grow up
seems like he has zero respect for you and don't care about the relationship.
Him bringing his friends at home while ure in underwear means he doesn't give a sh*t about how you may feel and he's been really fishy to go out as soon as you fall asleep...

either he's having a side chick or he isn't into you anymore.
and that sounds kinda messed up

[glitterberryalisa]

Have you talked to him about how you feel? If not then that's definitely the first step! Sounds like he's bored or cares more about his friends than the relationship right now though... doesn't mean you did anything wrong but if you two can't talk things out then it might be time to move on if the relationship isn't going anywhere.

[NatashaJ]

Depends why is it that he has to hang out with them at 3am why couldn't he hang out with them during the day are you preventing that?

[jack187625]

Ever considered that he wants to spend time with his friends, but feels he has to spend time with you?

I'm not saying it is, but maybe he doesn't leave the house till your asleep so that you get to spend time with him, when your asleep he can have some time with friends?

Do you engage with him during the day?

[Asker]

see he really just plays video games during the day so we are just doing our own things, i wish he wanted to spend more time with me.

[jack187625]

Try engaging him, play video games with him? Maybe he wants to be there but doesn't know what to say to instigate things?

[Asker]

yeah I have tried playing video games with him. However they really make me anxious and I dislike playing them and he knows that. I do try to anyway though so we are spending time together

[jack187625]

Ahhh, then just let him know how you feel?

[Ricardo7]

Well in a relationship both parties Should do things together and also let go of a few things !! But if he really like or loves you and wants or sees a future with you then he should want to be spending most of his time with you!

I my relationship we have been together for over a year and yes sometimes we feel like we need space but 30 min later all is good we have our small arguments but spend every possible experience together! ! There is time I go out alone and time that she dose !! So in the end every relationship is different but it must be working for both parties as in my relationship if this was the situation , if I was doing that or if she was doing that I don't think we would work out !! How dose it make you feel?

[Asker]

it makes me feel like he's finding excuses to not be around me

[Ricardo7]

Sometime we over think things! males and females. But overthinking something that has happened only once or twice might be over thinking things but if it is something that's happening the hole time and it bothers you i would say talk about it or do what you think you should

[Mr_Jolly]

If he can't talk to you about it, that's a problem. You should have a reasonable idea of what he gets up to. Ask for a compromise where he spends some time with his friends and some with you. And it's absolutely not ok for him to bring friends over unannounced, especially when you're likely to be asleep or in a state of semi/undress.

[Asker]

yes like this morning I noticed that he came home with his shirt having huge holes in it that weren't there before, I asked how they got there and he just kept shrugging his shoulders

[Mr_Jolly]

That's definitely not acceptable behaviour.

[noraaenots]

Maybe he's feeling emotionally detached and doesn't know how to reconnect. Any argument or disagreement that is ongoing or hasn't been resolved properly could be part of this.

[Nik1hil]

simply talk to him... he should hang out with friends during day, being a night sneaker isn't what you like or want,
i mean UNLESS HE IS BATMAN, its not a good enough reason to sneak at night

[whoischris]

Guys need alone time or they'll feel suffocated in a relationship. Just stop worrying about every little thing, shit man

[Pitta12]

Drop him, he is not ready for a serious relationship.

[Asker]

we have been together for about a year and live together. we used to talk about getting married but yesterday he told me we never would.

[Graydon]

If he refuses to tell you where he goes and basically "sneaks out" then yes definitely.

[onepunchman01]

He lives with you, you have him around 24/7, he just needs some bro time lol
Its also his apartment right? So he can bring friends, he should have told you but since he was thinking you're asleep

[Rikonos]

I mean. Bring a guy I say he has a right to party it do whatever he does. But just ask that he do it before 11-11:30 and that he spends time with you before, and that he stays home after.

[thechico79]

He's cheating on you sweetie. His friends are just covering it up.

[Nobody_As]

You need to change the question to "My boyfriend stays out until 3am most nights, is he looking someone else?"

yes he is and since you are 4 months together break up now

[Anon-ymous1]

Have you talked to him about it in person and shared your feelings?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

He is your boyfriend not your husband. You have no rights to complain or tell him anything.

[Humbledman74006]

You should start... it will jelp. you meet a guy that more inline with your needs

[valentinNo]

you are not interested anymore. There is another woman. And soon you will not be a couple anymore!

[Quinn79]

I think you deserve more respect.

[BADBOY22]

So what's wrong in that?

[Asker]

thats what I'm asking, like is that okay? I've i send him a message or something he never responds.

[BADBOY22]

Aww than it's wrong if he doesn't reply Ur text. Baby u can talk with him na. If he loves u than he should stop. Talk with him rather than asking question to strangers bkoz they don't know situation.

[JuanFrank7]

Yes you totally have the right

[LastNightmare]

lol, why he thinks you are boring

[shubhamchachapara]

Its depending on your level of trust

[king34]

Yeah u deserve some explanation

[bonezrx7]

No. 😕😕😕

[Anonymous]

Fuck his boys.