Why am I possessive of her even though she is boring?

[Anonymous]

She was boring and monotonous. So I ignore her. However I do feel anxiety and panic when I see her talking to others or when her phone is busy. I feel very possessive of her body and that should be just mine. She would beg, pleade and even try talking to my friends to convince me (I did gaslight her when she broke up with her guy which messed real bad resulting this).

I am ok with male- female company and even I have friends who are girls. But I can't stand her male friends.

But NOW in office, she is a new person. All boys love to hang out with her coz she is the most easy going manager. I have heard guys say friendship to her as simple bromance filled with good conversations and laughter. She is incredibly attractive as well (as always). But she ignores and avoids me and no one knows about us. She just doesn't even acknowledge knowing me ever. But Im incredibly uncomfortable when guys talk to her or when I see them laughing at the cafe or smoking.

I a okay when girls smoke or drink but just not her.

[osmanthus]

Do you have control or entitlement issues? I'm asking because it seems to me that you fixated on her, maybe, stress induced by incongruity; meaning, this woman isn't fitting whatever assumption or expectations you had of her, so, it can generate an impulse to stalk or else harass or ignore the person. She doesn't have to live up to your expectations. I suggest you speak to a therapist about this.

[osmanthus]

It's unhealthy to obsess over somebody when you barely know them and aren't really interested them romantically. The egoic desire to have others reflect back to you what you want may be most satisfying and ingratiating to you but nobody exists to cater to that desire.

[Asker]

I know her very well. In fact I used to love her at one point of time. Her rejection is still something.
It is much later from then that she turned out to be boring and monotonous and the story above happened.
I don't have any control issues and in the guy group, I am the silent one. I am just possessive with only her.

[osmanthus]

What you're describing is a brotherly love coming out of the rejection. You gaslight her after she left her other guy because perhaps you felt that in some way, as a brother figure, you disapproved. However after her perceived rejection by you she probably decided to reject you. Emotional incest through marking the woman as familial though one sided.

[osmanthus]

Now we know that she's not actually blood related to you but that's not relevant here.

[osmanthus]

Regardless, therapy is needed.

[Anonymous]

Because she hurt your male ego. You act like a conplete asshole and gaslight her and ignore her so she does as she should and moves on pretending she doesn’t know you and now you’re hurt she isn’t running after you and would rather be with other men. ”But… but… you’re supposed to want only meee, even though I don’t want you and am a douchebag towards you”. Classic male behaviour.

[Nikki1989]

Seek therapy fast and stay away from ALL woman. You have a few screws loose.

[avery58]

So do you like her or not?

[Anonymous]

Why shouldn’t she smoke or drink