Guys, Question for the men. Do you ever leave women because you’re “scared” of how much you like her?

[silvermoon84]

I’ve heard women use this as an excuse for men breaking up with them in the early stages of a relationship. To be fair, I once did believe this myself however, the older I get the more it sounds like nonsense. Even if it were true, the guy would eventually overcome that fear and just be with you. I think women tell themselves that to make themselves feel better after being dumped but the truth is he just didn’t like the woman enough to continue dating her. I don't know, maybe I’m wrong, but I’m interested in getting men’s perspective. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

Updates

1 y

I mean, I get it if he’s previously been hurt but in that case he really shouldn’t be in a relationship anyway. He should be working on himself and healing.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Yes, they feel like they are too corrupted and not worthy of such a good girl. This is justified in some cases but just an excuse to deny themselves something good out of self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy (not necessarily bedroom ones but spirited ones where they feel like they might break her heart because they really are a scumbag)

Other times its an excuse to keep running from good things, hard work, etc and continue hiding from the world. These guys will use any of excuse to keep rolling in the mud where they are comfortable and feel like they belong. They are the insecure timid string beings in love with COD and mom’s basement.

I felt too old, too battle hardened, mean spirited, and I deal with self-hatred even still. I want kids again before I get too old but thats just it, I feel too old to get with a woman in her early 20s who doesn’t have kids yet, I’m in shape could build her a house and give her everything she needs but my youth, in my 20s I was hell raising pos. I don’t deserve a good young woman without much of a past.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes I did that twice she was making me feel thing that I wasn't ready to feel. I felt like I wasn't in control of my emotions and I didn't like it

[silvermoon84]

That’s totally understandable. I guess I never looked at it that way, thanks for that perspective

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your welcome and thanks for the MHO. This was a really good question

[DannyUk2017]

Actually i did it! Because her beauty was "observed" by "other men/boys" at the time... And you know what they say "what your're scared of, cannot run away, it will chase you ti'll you'll face it"...
Why because "the attention she was getting" it was "feeding her mind" put her on her "own pedestal", and today was with one guy,2weeks later with another one,1month later in a fancy with another one... so yeah, is not because "we just back off", we Back Off with a Reason... the reason it is and it will be..."the fear", many will say that fear is not a reason... Ermmm.. try to be... Loyal to the person you want, Try to invest time and Feelings in to person that you want/you are with.. Try to Love the person that you want/have... and suddenly That person will "throw" everything that you built/gave to her... In The Trah/Out the window.. And then Tell Me How You'll Feel!

[lightbulb27]

I avoided girls I was attracted to, I'd run away faster. especially when young... just didn't have the nerve.

[Summeroflove]

I agree but what I think does happen is that people have been in relationships where they made some perfect picture of somebody in their heads to later find out that’s now who they are at all. So they start doing that again and know that at some point someone isn’t going to turn out who they thought if not worse abusive.

As for me, no it I’m still genuinely attracted to somebody I won’t leave that person, but I think some people lie too. Especially if the reasoning behind it sounds nonsensical it probably is a cover for what they really are thinking and/or feeling.

Same thing for men a lot of men will use things as a excuse. At the end of the day nobody likes being dumped, many people also want to dump a person before they can dump them. So they want to feel like they’re ahead even if they’re sabotaging themselves more then anyone else.

Also if a man or woman is hurt it is good to focus on yourself but sometimes finding a person who genuinely loves too can heal you, and if someone isn’t a nurturing person they would make a absolutely horrible husband or wife much less a absolutely horrible mom or dad…. A real relationship people help heal one another.

What isn’t healthy though is, using someone as a rebound even if you’re not that attracted to make someone else jealous. It’s not healthy to start talking things out on your partner and making assumptions without communicating or taking insecurities out on your partner without communicating. That’s wrong, any real relationship people can communicate these things like adults.

When people are dumped it does hurt, so people will try to find reasons as to why they got dumped. Like oh this person was insecure because I’m better or oh they just liked me too much…. When yeah they got dumped because he or she really lost interest, it’s better then cheating or stringing someone along. Even if the truth hurts it hurts less then that.

People really also loose a sense of power and control when somebody dumps them. They want to feel like the other person is the one who lost something especially if they’re narcissistic.

[silvermoon84]

I agree. I think being previously hurt in relationships is really the only valid excuse for that reasoning but even then I think it’s very rare. Thanks for your input.

[Summeroflove]

No you’re right and that’s another sometimes excuse other times it’s a valid reason

At the end of the day, we should be focused on finding our soulmate. There is a lot of people who aren’t meant to be but maybe in one another’s lives to learn and grow for that season. Other times people try to force it and waste more time until it eventually fails worse

[Summeroflove]

It’s why people should figure out if they’re compatible early on. Figure out what’s a dealbreaker and what can be worked through.

I don’t mean sexually, that should come later, but at the same time there is so many things that people try to change one another into who they want them to be. That never works

[MrOracle]

I won't say that this has never happened, because there is always an exception somewhere, but I have personally never heard of it happening, and I have always been the de facto counselor for my friend groups, going back 40 years.

This is honestly just some Feminist cope by women who can't handle the fact that they got dumped - often because of horrible behavior on their part. The same thing is true of the women who tell themselves that men are intimidated by them. Again, rare exceptions may exist, but the vast majority of the time, the guy just didn't find her attractive. And even if she is PHYSICALLY attractive, her personality and behavior can still make her very unattractive.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It's pretty common and perfectly explainable, psychologically, as a defense mechanism. It's not gender-based at all, it's a general human mechanism. On the topic of overcoming fears, it's really not that simple, it's not a matter of time really, overcoming fears implies a very good understanding of ourselves, which is really not a priority, not trending in the world we live in I might say, lol.

Besides, when you suppose that people only engage in relationships when healed or self-aware enough, you are being very optimistic. People engage in relationships all the time for reasons that have nothing to do with reason, aka love, this includes expectations to be healed by their partner, consciously or not.

[Finchie40]

No, that would be stupid to do lol , if I really like a girl , I am going to stay by her side for as long as I possibly can , hoping she feels the same way about me. So if Girls’ are saying that after a guy breaks up with them? They are clearly talking out their ass and talking shit LOL

[RingOfFire]

I think you need to separate two things that could be confused for each other:

1. Thinking that you need to get out of the relationship because you're too smitten with the other and;

2. Thinking you need to get out of the relationship because the other person is out of your league and you are afraid of rejection.

I think the second one is what is actually going on in most cases that appear to be the first one.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think you're later assessment of this excuse is rather accurate. The more time I spend with a woman, the comfortable I become and the less likely I am to bail out because of some perception that I don't measure up to her standards.

[Huntingnfishin]

I broke up with a girl before for that reason. I felt I had high expectations for us and didn't feel it was right to try and make her live up to them. Basically I was afraid she wasn't serious about us, even though I really really liked her

[Still-alive]

I never have but they might depending on their Attachment style. specifically the avoidant kind. I encourage you to look this up if you're curious. its pretty revolutionary in how to think about peoples different peculiarities in relationships

[Hanrej]

No, I have never but I understand the reasoning. Liking someone VERY much gives them power over you and if their affection isn't on the same level or maybe they don't care at all you'll spend your time constantly losing to this person.

[Stevepro68]

No never unless you are dealing with some pathologic mental health issues.

[ICanSmellTheCosmos]

Uhhh. No? That's a bizarre reason...

I'd only leave if she were mean to me, lied, or we found some major issue on which we're incompatible.

[Jamie05rhs]

No. Absolutely not. The only times I have moved on from a woman I loved was when she rejected me.

[LiamJHayden]

Nope. It has always been because there were major compatibility issues, romantically.

[gag6474]

nah i actually became obsessed with a girl and stalked her

[OddBeMe]

Yes and I can’t enter ice cream stores for how scared I love rocky road.

[NathanDavis]

nope... never had an issue like that

[Easy1134]

Never. I can't believe that someone would do that.

[ChicoFromThe305]

That doesn't sound healthy

[loveslongnails]

Not since I was about 10 years old. LOL

[Juxtapose]

No, I don't get scared of how much I like someone.

[Intheclouds00]

Hells to the No. Absolutely not

[jahaims]

No, I'm emotionally healthy

[EnjoytheDay777]

Some guys are afraid of commitment.

[eagle1951]

not that i know about

[MannMitAntworten]

No. Never.

[noohair]

Nope.