No sex to show he cares?

[Anonymous]

Hello

I started to see this guy as a situationship I guess , no label etc which was annoying to me. We argued and did not speak for two weeks , he came back to me saying he wanted to make things better like I want which he did really. Before that we had hot hot hot sex like super hot and after that like none at all. I did not say anything but then after two weeks he told me ‘m that he wanted to show me that he was not in it for the sex only with me ‘ which is cute but is it genuine? Would a guy really do that to prove he cares? We had sex again afterwards and it was great and he was moving deeper in our connection which as beautiful but when I asked him what we were again he said ‘ I love how things are right now , I want to see you more and more quality time but that’s it for me right now , I am sorry to not know what I want ‘ we proceed to break up together then telling each others how nice it had been to meet and know each other he said ‘ yes that was really awesome. Really awesome ‘ it was so sad. no contact in 3 weeks now

whats up with that? Thank you

[ItsaMeMaik]

To me it sounds like he just wants something like a friendship , which of course doesn't have to be true. But if everything feels really good with someone, both sexually and emotionally, why shouldn't you enter into a relationship?

[Asker]

I can 100% tell you that there’s no way he was up for a friendship , I have been with guys were the ward for both of us was meh , and the overall attraction quite low after a few rounds. But the two of us it was really off charts. And not just me. So I am not going to even question that. So taking this out of the equation , what do you think is his deal? I am older than him though and I think that could be the reason why he is 30 and I am 39 ( I don’t look 39 though , he was really shocked , most people think I am top 32 . ) I don’t have children and not divorced etc I don’t have bagage basically and my lifestyle is not old either , I am very sporty and active etc
Thank you

[Asker]

He also said he is scared because he has suffered a lot before and his ex cheated on him but I have suffered a lot before too

[ItsaMeMaik]

Thats hatd to tell. Did you try a honest and open conversation with him? Or did he Block that off?

[Asker]

No we broke it off properly in fact he was telling me he was missing me and I missed him too ( I had been away for a week) I told him casually that I was wondering where we were at now ( last conversation was him saying he wanted to have children but he wasn’t sure I could have any because of my age , but that he wanted to be with me ) and so which he replied that he was happy with how things were right now that he like being with spending time etc that he want more time with me as well that yes he misses me but that he is sure of what he wants. And when he came home to bring back my stuff he says he was sorry but that my ultimatum mad whim realise it was not fair to me to make me wait around his indecision that yes he is scared of suffering again.( he has trust issues ) and we both said it was awesome to meet each other , he told me I was truly a good woman in fact. He could bot even hugged me but he was looking at me like he was so into me still of course and that’s it.

[ItsaMeMaik]

Oh, im sorry to hear that. But im glad you two could handle that this 'fair' 🙈

[Asker]

Thank you

[ItsaMeMaik]

you're welcome 😊

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the roller coaster of modern romance! Indeed, some guys might pull back on the physical intimacy to show they're in it for more than just the passion. It's his way of waving a flag that says, "Hey, I'm serious about you." But let's not ignore the mixed signals here. You're riding the highs of "hot hot hot" connections, then hitting the brakes for emotional clarity – a classic scenario that leaves you guessing.

His statement about enjoying things as they are while not knowing what he wants is a bit like trying to enjoy a romantic beach sunset... in the middle of a storm. It's lovely he wants more quality time, yet it leaves you in a haze about where you stand.

Breaking up and going no contact after sharing such a "really awesome" connection can feel like an unsolved mystery, a book that ended mid-chapter. It sounds like he's in a phase of self-discovery, needing space to figure out his desires and priorities without the complexity of defining a relationship.

While the ride was thrilling and the connection deep, sometimes the most profound connections serve as stepping stones rather than destinations. Reflect on the journey, cherish the growth, and remember, every twist in the love story crafts the narrative of your life, teaching lessons about love and self-understanding. Keep your heart open and your spirits high; the next chapter might just surprise you. 💘✨

[spartan55]

So, I'm confused. Are you not talking to him now?

[Asker]

Hello Spartan
No we broke it off properly in fact he was telling me he was missing me and I missed him too ( I had been away for a week) I told him casually that I was wondering where we were at now ( last conversation was him saying he wanted to have children but he wasn’t sure I could have any because of my age , but that he wanted to be with me ) and so which he replied that he was happy with how things were right now that he like being with spending time etc that he want more time with me as well that yes he misses me but that he is sure of what he wants. And when he came home to bring back my stuff he says he was sorry but that my ultimatum mad whim realise it was not fair to me to make me wait around his indecision that yes he is scared of suffering again.( he has trust issues ) I think our age difference might be a reason he is 30 I am 39 . and we both said it was awesome to meet each other , especially him he said ‘ wow that was really amazing to meet you I must say..’ he told me I was truly a good woman in fact. He could bot even hugged me but he was looking at me like he was so into me still of course and that’s it.

[spartan55]

Why didn't you have the 'what are we' discussion BEFORE you had sex?

[Asker]

l I don’t care for this stuff , I am never gonna be all anxious wanting to be with a man if I can’t tell the sex part is good . I’d do that in my twenties or thirties just to find out after 6 months of waiting games that the guy is a rabbit in bed or has a micro penis. This is waste of time for everyone. So there is no ‘what are we ‘ question before I know what I want with this person.
First date I told him exactly what I want in my next relationship and he say what he wanted ( a relationship and becoming a dad before he is 31 ) so we were a match because we were looking for the same thing . Now the guy is like being 100% acting like a boyfriend , fix stuff in my home , build my home with me , cook for me , hold my shopping bags , do my garden , do my house move out 100% and while I sleep put all my stuff on hanger and cupboard. Do me flower arrangement to bring in when I invite him in for dinner , massage my muscle. Right before we separated he actually was more and more into me , he would text and call everyday would tell that actually anything at all about me he was interested in , in fact. all action very little words ( he is not very sweet talker like he isn’t a ‘hello my beauty type’ ) but all actions and even 3 mns before we break he is all soft and sweet telling me he misses me , that he just had a morning wake up call with me in his thoughts etc and then I say ‘ we need to discuss what’s going on ‘ and he drops this sad face 😞 saying he doesn’t know what he wants that he is sorry to waste my Time , that he knows it’s not easy for me ‘ etc that’s how it ended sudden and brutal. I miss him a lot of course and I am looking for answers on what might be going on in his head because I am at loss. I have no doubt he enjoyed being with me , the sex with me etc he in fact told me. and he didn’t need to because I knew it

[Asker]

My question is what do you think is happening here?

[spartan55]

He played you and used you for sex.

[Asker]

Thanks for your take , but I know that’s not the case. It would not hurt me if it was though. Happened times before with some guys and I got upset or not or whatever but I knew I had been used. But him , I know that’s not the case. Guys are too lazy these days to even pretend or to make any effort they get girl with a 2 am text saying ‘ you up?’ So I dont even entertain that ‘ used me for sec’ theory

What’s going on is more sophisticated than that
But thank you though

[spartan55]

I like how you want a guy's perspective and you get it. A perspective from a guy who used to run the same game that guy is. You say you want perspective, then you reject it. Keep doing it your way then.

[Asker]

Also he wasn't using me for sex when literally he would not have sex with me for about 3 weeks. That was the point of my message here. The sex between us was great from the start , almost 6 months in and for 3 weeks so until we broke up , we had almost no inter courses , just cuddles etc he told me that he was trying to prove me he wasn’t in it just for the sex that he enjoyed spending time with me.
guys using a woman for sex , don’t spend daytime with her , night time with her without expecting sex to happen.
So I am wondering what really happened

[Asker]

Well then explain his a man use a woman for sex without actually having sex with her that’s the point of my message.

[Asker]

You are projecting sweetie , but you sure are delusional if you think it’s not clear you wish woman to beg you , and that you want their attention by acting up like a child would do. This is not kiddo territory here , I am looking for a man perspective and you only offer a boy perspective. You invited yourself in this conversation like any other guy and girls can do. I did not wait for your take specifically. To me you aren’t valid and you aren’t some kind of specifics. My way is always the best , and I pick and decide the quality of the answers I get , I decide the quality of yours is of questionable quality as you could not even read properly the question. Your answers are only projection of your own issues with yourself and so you are of no help to me or anyone here. You think you are blunt but you are just projecting your own fears and inability to form relationships
you can let go now

[spartan55]

So because he held out for three weeks means he wasn't using you... yeah keep telling yourself that. Projecting... lol...
You even used a buzzword.

[spartan55]

You seem to think you know a lot about me and my relationships. Actually you are just making shit up because you don't know a thing about me. You think a 'man's perspective' will be something different. Let me know when the wedding is. Until then I'll wait for your next poor me post..

[Anonymous]

Does it matter? You bought it.😆

[In_Trance]

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