Guys, Thought I was being ghosted?

[Unrealiseddream]

I recently met a guy and we have been hanging out. We kinda was comfort for eachother after we both lost a parent last year. So last week we hook up for the first time and it seems like the connection strengthened a little more. However, a few days after the hook up. He goes completely silent for 5 days. He re-emerges today and says that his dad had a mental health crisis and he's been struggling. I also am aware it's the death anniversary of his mum next month. I know exactly what this period is like having experienced it first hand. I am wondering what to do. My girly friends say I can't accept him coming in and out , going silent and then popping up when he wants to. But my first response to is to want to provide empathy and understanding. I also don't want to be taken advantage of. As a man if you genuinely experienced a crisis which meant you found it difficult to reach out what kind of response would you like from a woman?

[Oliverlogan263]

It's definitely a tough situation, sis. On one hand, you wanna be understanding since you know how hard those death anniversaries can be. But your friends make a good point about not letting dude come and go when it's convenient for him either.

A few thoughts - I'd say give him one more chance to explain himself fully. Let him know while you empathize with his struggles, the ghosting still hurt you. See how he responds when you express your valid feelings too.

If he seems actually remorseful about pulling back without notice, and is willing to communicate better during tough times going forward, another chance may be fair. But watch his actions close after - small slips could be a warning sign.

You also deserve to take care of your own mental health just as much. So keep that a priority too. Don't just absorb his pain without regard for your own wellbeing, you feel me?

At the end of the day, trust your gut judgement on whether he'll be reliable support through hard times, or just come around to ease his own stress. You got this sis! Take care of you first and foremost.

[Unrealiseddream]

What a thoughtful response. A great reminder to care for myself as well. I appreciate this so much. Thankyou

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome! I'm glad I could offer a thoughtful perspective. Dealing with grief, trauma and mental health issues is really difficult, so it's important to approach situations with empathy. But also trust your gut if someone's actions don't feel right.

I think communication is so key here. Let this guy know you care about understanding his situation, but also need to feel secure. As long as he makes an effort to be more open moving forward, that shows he respects you too. But you gotta make sure to take care of yourself first before trying to care for someone else's needs too heavily.

Just take things slow and see how it develops. No need to rush into anything serious yet on either side. Hopefully this helps provide a little insight from a guy who's struggled with some of those things himself in the past. Feel free to hit me up if you ever wanna talk more. Wishing you both the best going forward!

[Lurix]

It’s tough, no doubt. You’ve built a connection, and now he’s dealing with some heavy stuff. It's understandable to feel concerned about being ghosted, especially after a hookup, but life gets complicated sometimes.


If I were in his shoes, I’d appreciate a balance of empathy and boundaries. It’s great that you want to be supportive, but it’s also important to protect yourself from being treated like a backup plan. Maybe reach out, express your understanding of what he’s going through, but also let him know you need a little more consistency. If he’s serious about you, he should recognize that and step up. Just remember, it’s okay to prioritize your feelings too. You deserve someone who’s there for you, especially when you’re trying to be there for them.

[Unrealiseddream]

Thankyou so much for this insight. You have given me some important points to reflect on for sure. I'm really appreciative.