Guy friend says he would only date me for my personality. Should I feel offended?

[Anonymous]

At first it felt like a compliment but as time passed it felt like an insult to my appearance.

I know I’m not the best looking person out there but I’m definitely not ugly. But a little background about my friend, I can tell he’s very insecure with the way he looks and told me about girls running away from him and making fun of him in school. I could be overthinking but in a way I feel like he projects his hurt on others because of what he went through.

Sometimes he would go out of his way to mention his unsolicited opinion about his “type” and what he doesn’t like about women, example he told me his girl can’t have a stomach bigger than his (he’s big too) she can’t wear a lot of makeup, and can’t stand women with short hair etc.

But then he turns around and says “Looks don’t matter, but I would ONLY date you for your personality”. Now even tho I don’t feel too bad about what he said because I’m not attracted to him at all, just confused on why he thought that would be ok to say especially knowing how people treated him in school and it’s like he’s out for revenge to make others feel bad for their appearance if that makes sense.

I haven’t said anything to him yet but how do you feel about this situation. Next time I wanna say something without feeling like I’m walking on eggshells.

[Account]

If you are actual friends with the guy, speaking about dating each other even in a hypothetical scenario is something that does not naturally happen. I know it because I have guy friends and that does not happen because it is a given that you are not each other's type. If someone told me they would only date me for my personality, if I never asked their opinion on it, my response would have been "I would have never dated you neither for your personality nor for your appearance."

[Nikki1989]

I would consider it a backhanded compliment, suggesting that he doesn't find you physically attractive but values your personality. On the other hand, in today's society, where physical appearance is often prioritized, it's refreshing to hear someone value inner qualities.

[ClassicDropout]

I'd just let it go. Anyone with that kind of baggage isn't really credible when it comes to judging your appearance. Especially if you're not even planning to date him or anything. He's just chatting shit. If you're happy with the way you look, fuck em. If he's disgruntled he needs to take it out on something other than people tho. That's messed up

[slatyb]

That's weird and uncomplimentary. Your feelings are normal. What do you want? If you are close, then tell him how you feel. If you are not, then just let it go. Don't date him unless he comes back with an abject apology and a confession of love.

[Anonymous]

Sine he has used the word "only", yes. That's disrespectful

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It sounds like negging

[moneymagnet24]

Wtf he indirectly told you you're not attractive