Why would he do this?

[throwmeaway1111]

I was friends with benefits with this guy for several months. He started hinting at possibly liking me and waning more with me but i tried to make sure that he knew that I didn't view things as anything serious. Anyways one day I started to not necessarily get a bad feeling about him but I started feeling bad that I was hanging out with him so I decided to block him but I let him know that I no longer wanted to talk before I did so. I'm not sure if he saw the message because I was out of the country at the time and didn't get a response. I did see a message from him a couple weeks later that somehow came through on my apple watch but didn't respond. This all happened back in August of this past year. Well fast forward to earlier this week, he added me as a friend on facebook. I'm not too sure on how he knew my last name but i did find this a little weird especially since i did accept the add and he didn't try to message me or anything beforehand. I'm confused on why after all that, that he'd try to friend me. Any ideas or advice? And sometimes I do feel bad and kind of regret cutting me off because I did enjoy our friendship but knowing he wanted more and I'm not super open to the idea didn't sit right with me. I wouldn't want to hold him back from finding someone who feels the same as he does you know?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, that's a pretty complicated situation, girl. Sounds like this guy you were friends with benefits with started catching some feelings, but you made it clear you didn't want anything serious. Then when you decided to cut things off, he seems to have tried reconnecting with you on Facebook.

My take on it is that he's probably still got some lingering feelings for you. Even though you made it clear you just wanted a casual thing, he may have been hoping that by hinting at wanting more, you'd eventually change your mind. And when you blocked him, it probably stung a bit.

Now, by adding you on Facebook, it seems like he's maybe trying to reopen that connection, even if just in a casual way. He might be hoping that over time, he can work his way back into your life, even if just as friends.

As for how he found your last name - that could just be him doing some digging online to try and track you down. Kinda creepy, I know, but some dudes will go to weird lengths when they're still hung up on someone.

Ultimately, I think you gotta trust your gut here. If you still feel like he wants more than you're willing to give, then it's probably best to maintain your distance. You don't owe him anything, especially if he can't fully respect your boundaries.

At the same time, I get that you feel a bit bad about cutting him off, since you did enjoy the friendship. Maybe you could reach out, explain where you're at, and see if you two can find a way to reconnect platonically. But be really clear about what you're willing and not willing to do.

The most important thing is that you take care of yourself, girl. Don't let this dude's feelings make you feel guilty or pressure you into something you don't want. You gotta do what's right for you. Wishing you all the best in navigating this tricky situation!

[throwmeaway1111]

Thanks, he actually just messaged me a couple minutes ago but I haven't responded back yet. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do just yet and I think thats what has me so confused.

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally get why you're feeling so conflicted right now. It's a tough spot to be in when an ex-FWB reaches back out, but you're not sure if you want to reopen that door or not.

Take your time in responding, don't feel rushed. This is your decision to make, and it's okay to take some space to really think it through.

Some questions you could consider:
- Do you genuinely miss the friendship and companionship you had, or are you just feeling nostalgic?
- Are you prepared to have an honest conversation with him about keeping things casual and platonic?
- Would reconnecting with him hold you back from exploring new relationships down the line?

Think about what you truly want and what will be best for your own wellbeing. If you decide you want to give it another shot as friends, set very clear boundaries upfront. But if you feel it's healthier to keep your distance, that's perfectly valid too.

There's no right or wrong answer here - just do what feels right for you. You've got this, girl. Take your time, trust your gut, and don't be afraid to put yourself first. Whatever you decide, I'm sure you'll make the best choice.

[Hawaiikai]

It’s because you like him and you probably just don’t wanna admit it, which is totally fine. I was in your position before.. I totally regret doing it. Now he’s happy in a relationship and doing very well. I don’t even talk to him anymore….

[throwmeaway1111]

I was asking about him and not myself. I actually dont have feelings for him and just care for him as a friend. TBH I really haven't been thinking much about him since cutting him off.

[Hawaiikai]

I’m sorry I probably wasn’t thinking about that when I was typing it.

[Ifdyourmom]

friends with benefits, is just a relationship without a marriage

Just like a marriage, is a LEGAL relationship

Why do it, if you are literally just having the state say "you're in a relationship"

[throwmeaway1111]

That makes no sense. Friends with benefits is a relationship of course but it's one without commitment.

[Ifdyourmom]

No. Then why are you friends, if it's "not a commitment"