Should I trust a guy who spends alone time with his female friend?

[Anonymous]

I have been on and off with a guy for over a year now and I feel used and disrespected when he picks to spend time with his female friend that he knows only 6 months longer than he knows me, doing activities together that they both enjoy. Some activities involve taking a road trip to another state together and staying over night for a couple of nights at a hotel. He claims they are just friends and not sleeping together and doesn’t understand why I am jealous. And apparently there is another female friend that he also claims to be just a “friend”. Currently we are “not together” however he still gets his “benefits” from me. He says he wants to be single and did tell me he doesn’t love me. However did say he enjoys how I make him feel and likes to spend time with me too. Doesn’t want a commitment. My feelings of course are involved and I do not know what to do. Advice? Opinion?

[Summeroflove]

If you have a bad gut feeling and your intuition is saying something as well as logically being able to put together something is off. There probably is something off to what extent I don’t know maybe it’s innocent enough but many times it’s not.

Having friends of the opposite sex is one of those things that comes down to compatibility number one. Everyone is different about things like that so it’s important to discuss these things before getting too serious.

But you’re not in a relationship with him… He isn’t your boyfriend. If he’s using you to sleep with then that’s probably all he wants otherwise he would have not told you he wanted to be single.

Let him be if you don’t feel like being used by him anymore. Then tell him that you feel used and don’t want to talk anymore.

[Anonymous]

Does he describe himself as your boyfriend, or does he just say we're hanging out?

[Asker]

He says he cares, he likes me, but says we’re not dating…. Would drive 40 minutes just to shop for food and bring it to me when i was sick and/or to fix something or clean parts of my house. Basically, he would act like a boyfriend without having a title.

[Opinion Owner]

He is friend and he is guy. but not boyfriend. it is so clear.

[Asker]

He never wanted any labels but did act like a boyfriend for over a year.

[Opinion Owner]

If he names the relationship, he needs to take responsibility, he is obviously afraid of taking responsibility. I don't like such things.

[molonski2]

Well , I think you answered your own question when you said you are not together , and he said that he doesn't love you , its pretty casual , I'd treat it that way..

There is no way he is not sleeping with at least one of these women , if he is also sleeping with you.

[Asker]

Then please explain to me why does he himself act jealous and asks me questions about my new guy friend if we’re “not together” and he “doesn’t love me”? How does that work exactly?

[bowenw]

It doesn't seem like he is cheating on you because he is not hiding the fact that he has female friends and the two of you are not together. My guess is he is getting benefits from the other women, but I would try to confirm that before you decide if he can be trusted.

[Asker]

How about emotional cheating? He mentioned I should keep my options open, which now makes me think that this is exactly what he is doing. And since he did say that nobody else wants him, I am once again assuming he is just waiting it out and that’s why he’s trying to spend time with her (or them) to be closer.

[bowenw]

In my opinion you can't cheat emotionally unless you are together in an exclusive relationship. If he is lying to you when he sees the other women, that could be considered cheating.

[MaxW1]

He says he doesn't love you, so it's pretty clear. If his answer remains the same, you are not a couple. no boyfriend would ever say they dont like a girl?

[Anonymous]

No, he is definitely up to no good.