Should I be concerned if my boyfriend is hanging out with a girl alone?

Question

I trust my boyfriend but I couldn’t help but feel alarmed, I guess that would be the term, when he told me he was hanging out with a girl. He’s told me about her before and they’re just friends but he’s been hanging with her more often. He still spends a lot of his time with me but still.

I get... I don’t know jealous or worried.

I also dont don’t want to be that girl that doesn’t allow her boyfriend to have female friends 😅 lol that’s not okay.

adamprice71 · Accepted Answer

probably. if nothings happened yet it most likely will. how would he feel if you were hanging out with a guy alone? im sure he wouldn't like it. if its a friend he's had for a long time and theyre just real good friends, that may be different, just dont let em get drunk together. other than that i think its disrespectful to my girl to hang out with another girl alone. its hard to say what lies in the hearts of men. rarely will he speak the truth if his intentions are not honorable. one thing for sure. what doesn't come out in the wash will come out in the rinse. unfortunately for you, while you sit there alone trusting your man to do the right thing, he may not be. sadly, instead of breaking it off with you, and persuit her, he will cheat, be distant, you'll fight, he runs to her and you get your heart broke. i hope it doesn't go down like that. he has your trust. id kill for a girl who trusts me. theyre so screwed up around here. most the couples in this town cheat on each other. then get mad when they catch eachother. its so stupid. why be in a relationship if you cheat? i will never understand that. so these girls automatically assume their man is out cheating so they do the same. wrecks it for faithful guys. again, i really hope he does right by you, and doesn't hurt you. obviously he doesn't know what he has. but if he has sex with her and crawls back to you, make him suffer then kick him to the curb. thats what he will deserve for doing you wrong. especially if he's telling you nothings going on and it is. and one last thing, if you ask him about it and he overreacts, he's banging her. but if he reacts with love you may just be ok. good luck

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Does he ever invite you to hang out with him and her?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think this really depends on the people, the friendship and how long they’ve been friends.

Usually I would say yup, red flag. But my best guy mate, we go out alone together, get totally wasted together. The last time, we went back to my boyfriends flat because my friend could barely stand and I knew my boyfriend would help. My friend was slumped on me, hugging me, kissing my neck and saying how much he appreciated me.

BUT.

My friend is my height. I’m not into that. We’ve also been friends for about 10 years, he’s been there when I broke up with my ex, through my abuse, through so much. I see him more like a brother.

I looked up and saw my boyfriend getting a bit upset and I looked at him and rolled my eyes and smiled and gently pushed my friend to the sofa. My boyfriend knew then that it was the drink and I would never do anything and helped pull him off me. My friend showed no resistance and actually went to kiss my boyfriend too 😂. Despite intoxicated myself, I know the lines, I knew my friend needed help and I knew he was beyond controlling himself.

My friend actually apologised hugely to my boyfriend and they swept it under the rug. My boyfriend trusts that I would never allow anything to happen. He also knows when I’ve had too much I fall asleep!

What I’m saying is if you trust a little, your partner should trust you back. If they don’t, they are “punished”. A relationship needs give and take

Fitness-Fanatic · Accepted Answer

If he excludes you by never inviting you along then it's a cause for concern

Everyone needs boundaries within a relationship. So as long as he has friendship boundaries with her and doesn't cross your boundaries , there's no need to be overly concerned

A person's situation or circumstances doesn't determine if they'll cheat or not, their character does. So if being alone with her compromises his loyalty to you then his moral compass is questionable, so is his character. A person who has self-control over their desires and emotions will never allow opportunity to control their loyalty.

Every needs freedom within a relationship , but two people need to take each other's feelings into considering. Infidelity is not always the issue, respecting your partners feelings and position is.

If he knows how you feel, but yet still spends a lot of alone time with her, that clarifies your position in his life

LadyCourtessa · Accepted Answer

my boyfriend has a female friend where he went out and have dinner with her and sometimes just her or with friends.. i used to be so jealous and angry but u just gotta trust him... of course we trust our boyfriend but yes we female feels jealous and worries i do understand u... so my idea is just let them be cause if u try to stop them ur boyfriend will be mad at u and will go to her.. i let them be but i tell my boyfriend that i dont feel comfortable and i hate his female friend and up till today we are still togeter and he's still friends with that woman... win win

Kiki98 · Accepted Answer

to be honest i would feel jealous too, but i think it's not a big reason of fear as long as there is a trust established between you and your boyfriend.
maybe you should meet her and see how they behave with each other, it might make you more relieved to see them as just friends hanging out

Logorithim · Answer

It's good that he told you about her, but he probably should only have done it after you met her and gave your blessing because it's completely natural to worry a bit when he's with a woman you don't know.

Adam_INTJ · Answer

Sure, be a bit suspicious, BUT, the way I suggest you approach it is to come with him a time or two. He may just need to take time to vent with a close female friend and make sense of some things. The opinions/advise of a close female friend is very valuble to a guy, ESPECIALLY concerning relationships. She may be giving him needed input on how to treat You right.
Other way to look at it is he may feel that you are taking him for granted, so he's going to another source to feel appreciated. You can remedy this by making him feel valuble; let him know how much you want to spend time with him - make sure he knows when you miss him.

You may be falling victim to a paradox of human nature; we get bored with the things and people that we have in our immediate control. He may be acting too dedicated to you that you may be unconsciously getting bored of him. He needs to become a novel thing for you again so that you can truly appreciate him better; we best appreciate the people that we think we're going to lose. Adding a spark of jealousy will later push your relationship to greater intimacy and better trust.

Hamfry · Answer

Sometimes a guy needs a close female friend to vent his problems and get some know-how in to treating YOU better. If he has known this girl for way longer than he knows you and hung out a lot with this girl before you two met he might just slowly be getting back to their friendship as it was before you two. He might just have reduced contact with her before so that you would feel more at ease. If it really bothers you, you could always ask. If he doesn't know it bothers you, then you will be a victim in any scenario.

Siiimpatico2-20 · Answer

Well either u don't trust him or u are jealous. There is no other answer. It's okay to feel that way but if you ever do feel she is being too inappropriate? Step up and mention it to him. You don't have to go as far to stop them from hanging out (glad u know that isn't keewl lol) but maybe ask to hang with her or just both of them. Going in with neutral feelings about the situation. So u can feel her out and even see from him if she acts the sane with u around. It gives u a bit of a window to find out what exactly is happening but also doesn't take away their time to hang. But u bring up hanging out! Do NOT barge in on their already made plans

heartbeatsflowers · Answer

You should ask him to introduce you guys. It's weird if he hasn't. I used to not care if my ex talked to girls and that fucked me up so bad because he was so abusive and cheated on me and flirted with many girls. Now I'm insecure and am battling to get over it so I won't be so clingy in my next relationship. It really sucks.

You can be cautious but don't over do it. Maybe ask for a double date with that friend girl of his?

I don't really trust guys or girls these days. Most of everyone nowadays are being carwreckers and homewreckers

JudgmentDay · Answer

As somebody said earlier, maybe it's best that you meet her and get to know her. I think that sometimes this is a tactic and method that guys would use to determine if their own girlfriend is serious about their relationship, and see if they'd actually get a little jealous or concerned about them. This shows that you are serious and concerned about him, worried he may choose another girl (such as his friend) over you. It's all psychological. It could be like a test of some kind. If you're a a little jealous, then this shows you care deeply if not enough about him, if not, and you don't feel jealous at all or can care less, then it's meh. whatever just let him do his own thing whatever and then that would mean you don't really care about the relationship and he could leave you for someone else instead. Just try to make the time meet them and hang out together, who knows? You and her friend might actually become good friends one day? Can't know until you've tried.

Alan180188 · Answer

I don't believe in male/female friendship (maybe my experience), they will stay friends as long as the woman is welling to, so you should think if you trust the woman or not, that's first... second as he should know and meet all your male friends and make sure they know about him being your boyfriend, you should also know and meet all his female friends, if the guy have feelings for you and always speaks about you in good way infront of his female friends, they will be the ones whom will push to get to know more about you and be your friends, so if he's meeting her a lot and yet you're not invited to join, then either he's not that serious with you and doesn't mention you in front of her, or she's not interested in meeting you cause either she have hidden feeling for him and doesn't want to meet her opponent !

AustinTXGuy · Answer

Is this an existing friendship or a new thing? Some guys are friend zoned and are content with that as the friendship is mo re rewarding than nothing at all with a girl. There is probably an attraction there for sure but it can still be harmless to your relationship. If it's a long time friendship, I warn you about hanging out with them as sometimes cross gender friends can be very flirty like as they connect on a deeper level and this can be hard to take if your not cool with it. If this is something new, I don't like that at all, its not healthy

Pyrofox · Answer

Its probably just one of the few friends who are most likely like a sibling to him. There is a "love" but its not the romantic kind, instead its the kind where he would would be there through it all cause how much he cares. But you will always be the romantic interest no matter what.

hahahmm · Answer

It’s shady if he spends most of his free time with her. Trust is GREAT when given to people who aren’t being shady. You need to think with your brain & not your heart here. Don’t look at what he says. Look at what he does.

So investigate without having to just go by his words.

Ayer93 · Answer

I definitely understand that. To be honest, if he invites you to chill with them, then you have nothing to worry about. But if you're not invited, I would think that's somewhat suspicious. I mean he could just think that it's awkward between you, his friend an him. There are different types of people. People who mix friends and lovers and people who don't. You are completely justified to feel jealous or worried in this case. You're trying hard to be mature about it, which is great. Make sure to communicate this to your boyfriend.

Thread02 · Answer

You need to understand a few things:
1. If he wants to cheat, he could and you would never find out. It's not that hard.
2. If he wants to cheat with her, he wouldn't be open about her
3. A lot of guys find themselves a female friend after some time with a girlfriend just because. Some seek a new views, some advice and some like innocent flirting.

boggboss · Answer

Mist Likely nothing is happening I would honestly not worry about it unless there are warning signs that's he is telling you that she is a female friend and not lying is a sign of trust

Pink1996 · Answer

It's okay to have friends from the opposite sex but my concern is that they hang out alone. When i hang out with a guy its never just us alone, we always hang out in groups of mixed guys and girls.
You should hang out with your boyfriend and his female friend so you can see what they do and how they interact.
Also if you really feel concern then have a calm talk with him about it

alexasks18 · Answer

definitely don't try to stop him from having female friends, try and befriend her, I would say. See wheter you see any signs that she likes likes him. Just be friendly, this will show ur boyfriend that you re trying and most of all that you trust him. Have a movie evening, go to dinner or wtvr, feel out the situation.

JamieG64 · Answer

It's a natural reaction. This is a complicated situation with many variables. How well your relationship is going, his relationship with her, what kind of person he is, what kind of person she is, the intention of both. However men and women can be strictly platonic friends with no sexual intent even if there is interest. So it doesn't mean he's cheating on you, but that doesn't rule it out as a possibility either.

AlphaGhost · Answer

Well I think find a reason to hangout with her,
1) You will get to know her... if She is a threat or not
2) If She is then... you gota show her "that he belongs to you now" by hanging with them and trust me your b. f won't detect a thing about hidden tension. He would be total idiot like I behaved that day... and will find out about it very late.

Amethyst5 · Answer

No, you shouldn't.
It seems like he is very open with you, and you say that you trust him, so why be concerned?
If you are concerned, tell him how you feel but be respectful. Don't immediately accuse or get defensive.
You say you don't want to be the girl that doesn't let her boyfriend have female friends, but listening to these other commenters will make you do just that.

Sandrino2 · Answer

WOW, so many jealous people on here (not refering to you, asker). I'd say it is normal! Imagine if he was bisexual. Could he then not hangout with anyone? Then men and women would be threat. I think they are friends, and he has invited you which shows he has nothing to hide :) I shouldn't worry about it

BigRayFromNC · Answer

If you truly trust your boyfriend it should matter or bother you at all, however if you have any doubts that he could possibly become involved and fuck this girl who is hanging out with more then i would be concerned for sure.

Men usually start hanging out more often with a girl due to the fact they have a high level of interest in the girl and eventually are planning to fuck the girl in the near future...

Should I be concerned if my boyfriend is hanging out with a girl alone?

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