Is he not that interested in me?

[Anonymous]

The guy i like it seems like he maybe keeping his options open and i didn’t know. So i texted him and asked “ if you weren’t looking for anything serious then why did you let me come over repeatedly for “ and he said “who said i wasn’t”

But is he looking for something serious with me or others

[ProbablyClueless]

This is a genuine question; do you understand how the question you asked him comes across?

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[ProbablyClueless]

I meant that in the totally straight forward way. No games or additional meanings. If you and I were seeing each other for a little while, and one day I text you that question out of the blue. How would you interpret me asking you the question “ if you weren’t looking for anything serious then why did you let me come over repeatedly for “ ? How would that make you feel? What would you think was running through my mind when I asked you that?

[Asker]

I would think you wanted to know was i serious or born

[ProbablyClueless]

Okay. I know that I don't know you at all, but I HIGHLY doubt that that's the only way you would hear a question like that. And I can tell you for a fact that most people aren't going to hear that question and think the person asking it only wants to know if things are serious. And the reason is simple; the question is asked in a way that presumes the guy is wasting your time. You're presuming that the guy is wasting your time because you're asking him why he invited you over if he wasn't serious, instead of waiting for a piece of information to actually tell you that he isn't serious (unless there's some additional piece of information about your situation that I don't know).

The way that question is worded feels extremely aggressive and accusatory. It's the same idea as someone asking if and when you stopped beating your children. It doesn't matter if the person actually believes you're beating your children because the way the question is worded presumes that they think you beating your children is a possibility.

If I had a woman ask me the question you asked, the whole situation would feel gross. I would want to cut things off with you for the simple fact you made me feel like you think I'm the kind of guy who would waste your time. And the confrontational way the question was asked would make me wonder if these kinds of combative interactions are what I could expect from you moving forward.

A question like this would make me want to remove you from my life, simply to avoid headaches.

[Anonymous]

Just test him by smell test