Can I guy really be in love with a woman but cheat on her?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 5 years, we have a house, Pets, a lot of logistics together. He texts women on the side of me, he recently cheated and said it was because we weren’t happy together which we very much weren’t but I didn’t cheat… we were working on coming back together, therapy and everything, but he still messages other women particularly when we fight or have tough times. Is he genuineness with me or just keeping me around because it’s convenient.

[Saggitariusdiva]

That’s a really tough situation, and I’m sorry you’re going through it. It’s definitely possible for someone to say they love you and still cheat, because love isn’t always as clear-cut as we want it to be. People sometimes make choices that don’t reflect the love they claim to feel. He might still have feelings for you, but his actions—cheating, texting other women—don’t match up with real love.

When someone truly loves you, they don’t seek comfort in other people when things get tough. Instead, they try to work through the issues with you, especially when you’re already trying to fix things, like through therapy. It seems like he's keeping one foot in the relationship but also exploring other options, and that can feel like he’s just keeping you around for convenience, especially if he’s not fully committed to making things better.

His actions speak louder than words. If he really wanted to be fully with you, he would focus on improving things between you both, without turning to other people. It sounds like you’ve been working hard to fix things, and you deserve someone who is all in, not just someone who’s around when it’s easy but keeps running to others when it’s hard.

You deserve honesty, loyalty, and someone who values your commitment as much as you do. It might be worth taking a step back and thinking about what you need from this relationship, and whether he can give you the kind of love and respect you deserve.

[Anonymous]

I know this will come off harsh but it sounds like you don’t have enough people around giving you reality checks and you need one bad.


You’re here asking these questions but at the end of the day what does it matter? He’s doing all this in front of your face along with having cheated already and you STILL stay. A man will never ever see value in a woman who sees no value in herself, who lets him get away with murder and still give him sex by the end of the week. Everything he’s doing is NOT LOVE. He does not love you. This is about convenience and complications. You have assets together that he doesn’t want to deal with the headache of separating until he’s good and ready. He also has a soft spoken, compliant woman willing to let him run in the streets until he finds the one he really wants to be with. He is living the dream for REAL.


Get out of that, it’s embarrassing, it’s degrading and I’m sure you can do a lot better for yourself. You’ve just forgotten.

[blackeagle007]

Agreed with this

[SteveSmith1985]

No. This is not a guy who loves you. He still messages other women when you argue or during tough times. That's not what someone who loves you would do to you.

You seem like you are willing to put in way too much effort to be treated that way (therapy. Nobody on here is ever talking about being in couples therapy. Good for you.).

This is not a case of he cheated, and now you're deciding whether to give him a second chance.

He is continuing to cheat. That's not something you (anyone) should put up with.

If you're looking for Love, this is especially something you shouldn't be willing to accept.

It's wrong that he treats you that way. The fact that you're working so hard to try and work things out in therapy, and he continues to do this when things aren't going well, makes me angry.

This is not love. This guy isn't respecting you, doesn't mind hurting you over and over, and is not treating you right.

You don't go talking to other men when things aren't going well with your boyfriend, right? Why is he ok doing that to you? He shouldn't be.

I hope you find someone to love, who loves you back in the same way.

🙂

[Lliam]

Nope. A guy who cheats doesn't know what love is. Cheating is selfish and completely self centered. A cheater only cares about himself/herself.

Love is based on loyalty and trust. You care about your partner's happiness and fulfillment as much as your own. You will not deliberately cause them pain.

[Vevv123]

I’m so sorry, I am going to be real honest because I was in a similar situation, being the loving faithful understanding wife for about 10 years. I’ve already been through the phases of therapy, acceptable, etc.

You already showed him you are forgiving, understanding, and empathetic - he now sees an open passage to exploit your kindness. Your compassion will actually make him desperately want to be with you… who doesn’t want a beautiful lovely forgiving partner that accepts your mistakes? It’s not love it’s a luxurious commodity for him because now he’ll have a faithful partner that he can grow old with while continuing to seek fulfillment elsewhere. This is essentially part of him, something he struggles with, you can save yourself now or return with him and stick with the idea that he will never change. There is no in between or else you might be very disappointed.

[Screenwriter]

Sounds like he's playing both sides: convenience, and if he finds someone new, he can dump you.

He's not in love, and you've had enough problems to be going to therapy.

I think this relationship has run its course, and it's time for you to realize he's not worth being with. You can't claim you're in love with one person and spend time and effort entertaining other women.

Something is wrong with this guy. If he was invested in being with you and was a loving man, his efforts would be to heal your relationship, not dally with others.

Move on. You can find someone who cares for you. He doesn't.

[FreyaRed]

He allows himself as much you're able to tolerate. It's convenient for him. You're the hen who manages household and some task while he can play the Casanova. You should exchange him in a guy who takes you seriously. I suppose you are attractive, otherwise he would dump you and run behind next best one. You should made this decision before your magic is over to get better option in new partner choice. There is no future with this guy, no mater you believe he loves you or not. After cheating it's irrelevant

[Mon1to]

It sounds like he’s keeping you around because it’s convenient. Cheating is a choice, and if he were serious about rebuilding, he wouldn’t be turning to other women when things get tough.

You deserve someone who’s all in, not just when it’s easy!

[TrimmedTip]

Love doesn’t cheat. Attachment does. He may care for you, but if he’s repeatedly betraying you and blaming the relationship, he’s keeping you as a safety net while shopping for upgrades. Therapy can’t fix entitlement.

Ask yourself:

Would you do this to someone you love?
Is ‘working on it’ just code for ‘waiting for him to choose you’?
TL;DR: Convenience ≠ love. You deserve a hell yes, not a ‘maybe.

[236color]

To the best of his understanding or ability he may "love" you. That's not the question, the question is, does it matter from your standpoint? Seems like he shows more evidence that he'll cheat again, and/or that he's still deeply unhappy. Are you throwing good time after bad.

[MrChinaski]

It is hard to know exactly what is going on from your post.

Have you told him how you feel about his texting other women? Have you asked him to stop?

It sounds like you are close to leaving him. If so, there is little downside risk to telling him what you need from your relationship with him.

I'm going to ask because maybe nobody else will ask you: does he hit you?

Maybe I have misread the situation because as I said it is hard to know exactly what is going on.

[MrChinaski]

I have probably asked 1000 people whether they are killing themselves as part of a suicide support line. It becomes pretty easy to ask hard questions.

[JohnnyB123321]

I’ve never cheated on anyone but I don’t think. a lot of cheating is for a lack of love. I have two couples that I know of in my close group of friends that there has been cheating. Both times it was the wife and both times the guys were / are drunks that goto the bar after work and get drunk rather than go home to their wives. They both stayed together and I truly believe the girls always loved their husbands but needed attention.

[EmmaMary]

You do realise that you're simply his "bit on the side"... Someone handy just in case things go pear shape... What a total waste of life. smh

[4ngelic]

if a guy actually likes a woman and is happy in the relationship, he won't cheat. honestly i think it's time to go. a guy who does that doesn't respect you, he probably just wants accessible sex and chores done for him so he stays with you

[AviatorTom]

Cheating and love are not intertwined, though some believe believe they should be. It's been shown that most cheating is cause by opportunity, and doesn't have much to do with the relationship the cheater is in.

[PeachyPie93]

He may love you but he isn't IN love with you.. and he is cheating whenever he is mad which makes me think he is just keeping you around for convenience.

[abc3643]

No.

Love is a form of insanity,
It involves the mathematics of infinity.
If a man loves - genuine loves - his woman, he would not cheat. It's inconceivable.

[Finchie40]

If he loved you he wouldn’t be cheating on you period , you are best to move on from him and find yourself a guy that will love you and not cheat on you , unless you like being a convenience

[ProbablyClueless]

I'm sure that some genuinely do love the women they cheat on in extremely rare cases, but your boyfriend is definitely not one of them. People who love other people don't actively go out of their ways to hurt those people.

[Cormac995]

No if you love someone you don't cheat it's that simple. The moment he cheated he proved he lied every time he said I love you. Leave him.

[Cormac995]

also this isn't the behavior of a guy who's sorry. If he meant it he'd cut contact with these other girls around him he's toying with. He doesn't want you to leave because he wants access to your body until he replaces you.

[Anonymous]

I think so. Different for us women though. You often see a man who got left by his wife for cheating still treating his ex wife better even than a current girlfriend whereas a woman who gets left for cheating is almost always bitter to her ex.

[Nikki1989]

People with good sex lives that are truly in love don't cheat on each other.

[Cristi019]

The biggest mistake you're doing is that you're stll staying with him. People his type don't deserve a second chance, what he deserve is being cheated just like he did.

[juleyboo74]

Yes men can separate sex from feelings. I would recommend women develop the same capability.

[Staximus]

I hope you didn't buy a house with this guy. If you can't see that the relationship is over then you are living in denial and need to wake the fuck up

[MannMitAntworten]

The part about not being happy together clearly illuminates that he is not in love with you. So the answer is, no.

[Anonymous]

If he’s someone that’s monogamous by nature I don’t think that’s possible. Sure he can love you but not be IN love with you.

[Oldschool1981]

Sure, but same goes for women. My wife and I are happily married and she has a side guy.

[Kelly6]

@vevv123 yes he can, because Love and Sex are totally different things

[jahaims]

No one can cheat while in love. People who cheat are too emotionally immature to experience love.

[Crankor]

At that point it's more compulsory. I don't think he understands the love aspect anymore

[DCVsMarvel]

If it's love, you won't cheat. Whatever love is, though

[beefcakebradybatson]

He can THINK he's in love with her, but not really.

[Madgedays]

Yeah if its sex. Love and sex are different things

[Anonymous]

Dump his ass! He’s not gonna change , just saying

[Anonymous]

Yeap can happen our needs and urges are unhumanly strong

[HelpfulWoman]

noppppppppeeeee
end shit

[WhitneySnow]

No. If he cheats he doesn’t love you.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

The answer is no.

[DrPepper12]

Bad vibes here. Caution. 🚩🚩🚩

[TonyMetal___86]

Nope he can't if he truly loves her!

[RedInnocent69]

Yes. One is emotional, the other biology/instinct

[Pterodon]

Nope nor does he respect her

[wkhan_87]

Cheating is just a sickness of selfish people

[Eempriyanka]

Just do what you like...

[Anonymous]

No, that's not real love.

[EmmiL]

Possible

[Anonymous]

Nope.