Does your boyfriend exclude you from his friends too, or is it just me?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been together for a while now, and I’ve never really been included in his social circle. He goes to parties, camping trips, and hangouts where other guys bring their girlfriends, but I’m never invited. He says it’s just how he unwinds and that I’d change the vibe or make him nervous, even though I’ve never been given a chance to be around them. I’ve supported him, given him space, never judged him for drinking or needing guy time. But it hurts to feel like I’m being kept at a distance from a big part of his life. It makes me question whether I’m really seen as part of his future. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it?

[SteveSmith1985]

I think you are feeling the way anybody would. I do not think that it's normal for a guy to do this. Not if you've been together for a while. If anything he should be doing the opposite. Slowly making you A PART of his social circle by inviting you to more and more things he's doing with his friends.

I think he should feel you're a part of "winding down" or relaxing. The only exception would be if his social circle is all guys (like you would be the only girl). If that's the case, then it makes more sense that he wouldn't want to invite you, say, camping. It really would change the vibe if he brought his girlfriend if that were the case. But that should only apply SOMETIMES. He should generally be trying to incorporate you into his social circle.

I think you're right to be hurt. It might be worth talking to him about how he's making you feel. (Unless you already have)

[Shiprex]

I think he's using you and not in a good way. It sounds like he wants to keep his "freedom" and not have you part of his life. Sorry about this but I hope it's not true.

[DishLady]

EXCLUDE? No, but often times you wouldn't get along with all his buddies anyway, so he will try to separate you from them because they're two different mental spaces for him. Especially if you're just starting out. (Within the first 6 months you need to let him be, but after that, he should at least connect you with the people you'd be compatible with.)

It's funny how girls say "I don't judge him" but you are... and his actions are hurting your feelings. TALK to the guy. My god... Life's too short for this bs.

Just tell him you feel excluded and if he's serious about being with you he should be including you in his downtime. Period.

[Nikki1989]

Nope, our friends are like family.

[diamond]

Girl, it's definitely not just you. My boyfriend does the same thing. At first, he’d say “it’s just the guys hanging out,” which I understood but when every hangout is a guys-only event, and I’m never invited, it starts to feel like I’m being kept separate from a whole part of his life. Especially when I find out other friends bring their girlfriends around! I get that people need their space, but being completely excluded feels hurtful. Relationships should be about sharing your world, not hiding parts of it. I hope you talk to him and get some clarity 💛

[CorneliaUSA]

Girl... You are probably a side piece. If you want to test him, find out where he is going. When he packs, pull something out and hide it so that when he arrives there he realizes he forgot it. Then, whether he asks for it or not, drive over there to give it to him. He might be telling the truth and just want to be alone OR he will be sitting on that camping chair with his arms around another woman. It would be best to arrive by dawn that way you can say you don't want to drive home at night and sleep over then.

[ProbablyClueless]

I would not exclude my girlfriend from my friends. The only reason she wouldn't get an invite is if she expresses some personality clash that she's just not comfortable with being around one of them. It's her call though.

And honestly, if the clash was bad enough that that turned out to be the case, I would probably take a second look at the friendship to figure out whether my values and actions still aligned with their's.

The girlfriend is a step above the homies. She has to take priority.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

For me it's about my life. Because it is MY life. When I date someone, I'm making them a part of my life. They are not invited to infiltrate my life and inject themselves into my already established parts of my life that I'm happy with as they are. My friends are my friends, not hers. She should have her own friends, so why doesn't she?

So many females have ZERO friends, except a few guys sometimes, or the occasional friend-zoned backup guy, or whatever. it's a damn field of red flags. Many females can't seem to establish meaningful friendships without it blowing up, especially with each other. It's always the other person too, and always turns into a vicious disaster.

Nope, I've had many friend circles blown up by psychos. No thanks. Go get your own friends, these are mine. It's MY life, get your own.

[Finchie40]

Being excluded is a huge Red Flag that you shouldn’t ignore , and someone you should really reconsider staying in a relationship with , He doesn’t value or respect you , he likes the convenience of you , so if you want to stay with someone that just likes the convenience of you that’s up to you to decide. But understand you deserve to be treated like a top priority by someone , so if I was you ,
I would move on from them and find someone that doesn’t want to exclude me period

[retarb]

To be honest, I exclude people from other people purely because too many people at once drags my social battery down. This includes family and friends. It's not so much I don't want to hang out with you, yer my girl and I love you. I just determined that it is homie exclusive time because right now that's all I can handle.

[KrisPW]

That feels weird to me. I’ve always been included around my husbands friends.. even when I was the only girlfriend / wife included.

[KateCrombie]

not mine... he always takes me when he goes out with his frnds... they're my friends too now

[slatyb]

It's just you. Stop wasting your time, date someone who is happy to be with you.

[urlittlebro]

Most guys would only do this if there is another girl, or if he does not want to be seen with you, and in some rare cases if he knows one of his homies would be into you and is the jealous type

[Petra07]

Sounds like it just you it could be because he’s doing something he doesn’t want you to know. Or maybe his friends could be doing something crude.

[Silver158]

In my experience he may not trust his friends

[spartan55]

Does he think he is your boyfriend?

[jahaims]

He's not that into you

[Cutekity]

Very bad sign.