Why does he avoid me when his friends are around?

[Anonymous]

We've been in this relationship for a year now but we don't live together. The thing is I've noticed, whenever his friends are around he hides the fact that I'm his girlfriend. Most of his friends know him to be single. Since we live far away from each other, we call once in every 3 days or so. Then too if his friend or someone like that comes up, he immediately disconnets the call with me without saying anything. Nowadays his friends are coming to his house more and they're spending time together every night (his friends are all single) so we've stooped talking much (only casual texts once /twice).

He's not a that type of person who'd cheat. I'm sure he's not cheating on me and he's honest about his friends visiting him. But I feel uncomfortable with the fact that he can't just spare a little time for me. He even feels awkward to reply my text in front of them so that they don't think he has a girlfriend.

Can anyone help me understand why does he behave this way?

[BasedBaeBecca]

It sounds like your boyfriend might be avoiding you when his friends are around because he wants to appear single and available to them. This is not only disrespectful towards you and your relationship, but also a bit concerning because he seems to be hiding something. I understand that you don't think he is cheating on you, but this behavior is still not acceptable, particularly if it is making you feel uncomfortable.
I think it would be best if you have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about this situation and let him know how you feel. You deserve to be treated with respect and transparency in your relationship.

[Daniela1982]

I imagine he is still playing the field and looking for a better offer. If he never indicates he is taken every girl will still consider him a fair game. You say he would never cheat, but he is displaying the attributes of a cheater. If not cheating then "still looking" Let's face it, one in the hand is worth 5 in the LDR bush. I think you are deluding yourself.

[Asker]

Yup, found that out. You're right. Thanks.

[wheist9095]

I hate to say it but I think he views you as a moped. Which is, a fairly derogatory term for a woman that is a lot of fun but you don't want your friends to see you riding one.

For whatever reason, he is embarrassed of the relationship or afraid of the reaction of his friend group to him being either in a relationship or in a relationship with you specifically. Either way unhealthy and toxic, it's definitely an end of the relationship type thing

[Asker]

Well, for the first part, I don't know why would he think of me as 'moped' (heard the term first time) since I'm a from good social standing (it matters here), equally educated and it's my first relationship. We didn't have anything sexual in person as I told him that I can't do anything like that before marriage (a cultural thing) and he agreed on that. But you're right, I can be entirely wrong.

The second part is what I think it is. He told me earlier he made it seem like being in a relationship etc are worthless and has the impression of a serious, egocentric person in front of them. He now probably fears breaking their bubble. Or it can be that he's uncomfortable of being with me because I'm not that great. It's very unhealthy and I should really reconsider my decisions. Thank you.

[Darkrainbow]

You really doesn't understand? Clearly he is cheating on you

[Asker]

The thing is he's very skeptic and socially awkward. When we started dating he was clueless about how to handle a relationship. And it took me time to accept his insecurities and weird traits. Besides, I've never felt like he's doing something behind my back because I've a belief that there's a type that can't cheat. He showed me group photos with his friends and ample proofs that they were there. But it can be that I'm wrong though chances are low. It's my first relationship so gotta be careful. Thanks for your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately I think he’s cheating on you with someone else. I’m sorry, this is why I don’t trust LDRs, they rarely work.

[Opinion Owner]

You say he’s not the type to cheat, but how do you know that? You’re not there to see a single thing, and if his single friends think he’s single too, I’m sure they know he talks to other women. I don't know how you can trust him under these circumstances.

[Asker]

The thing is he's very skeptic and socially awkward. When we started dating he was clueless about how to handle a relationship. And it took me time to accept his insecurities and weird traits. Besides, I've never felt like he's doing something behind my back because I've a belief that there's a type that can't cheat. He showed me group photos with his friends and ample proofs that they were there. But it can be that I'm wrong though chances are low. However it's my first relationship so gotta be careful. Thanks for your opinion.

[Opinion Owner]

I think your views are a little rose-colored glasses, because there were red flags riddled throughout your explanation. For one, what sort of solid relationship do you only talk to your partner every 3 days, and even then you talk once or twice through the day? Why is he so comfortable not talking to you, his girlfriend, for so long?

He has time to hang out with his “friends” every single night, yet when you do hear from him, it’s only 2-3 comments through the day. Not only that, but why is he so comfortable flat out hanging up in your face? To me, that sounds highly secretive, as if he’s hiding you from someone. On top of that, most of those “friends” think he’s single, why would he even want to present himself that way? Why wouldn’t he want to clarify? He shows you group photos with his friends, have you every FaceTimed while they’re there? Spoken to them? Anything?

Please don’t take offense, but I think you’re being purposely oblivious and dismissive, writing off oddities as “insecure” or “weird”. There’s no such thing as someone who can’t cheat, anyone can cheat. However there are people who “won’t” cheat, and given the information you provided I think it’s happening behind your back, the sad thing is you have no way of checking in on him or validating anything. This relationship is not real in his world.

[Opinion Owner]

Not trying to make you feel bad or anything, you seem like a nice girl. I’m just explaining my views not only from an outside perspective, but as someone who’s been in your shoes and knows better.

[Asker]

Thank you for your opinion. Sorry couldn't respond because it was chaotic, my exams and assignments approaching and in midst of that- this issue. You were right, he got a fling, he confessed. Honestly, I never thought he could cheat because I can never consider cheating as an option. He always used to talk about how cheating is unhealthy and immoral, blamed me for even easiest of things and thought I'd cheat on him. For him, I was the more physically attractive one in the relationship, so he thought it'd be me. But it's him now I see. Thanks, you did what a friend could do.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow! What an absolute POS. I am so sorry, you didn’t deserve that. Are you feeling ok?

[Asker]

I'm not, sadly. I am so heartbroken.

[Opinion Owner]

Gosh, I feel so bad. Please surround yourself with loving energy. Reach out to your friends, get out of the house, just a bit of a distraction. If he reaches out which I’m sure he will, don’t even bother answering, you can’t trust a word from his lying mouth after this.

[magiusX26]

sounds like you mite be his side chick

[Asker]

Lol, found out that he got a new fling that's so much into him.