Guys, Do all married guys feel helpless and stressed?

[DishLady]

Was sitting at the posh bar area at a friend's restaurant reading and enjoying a beverage when a guy sat beside me to do a crossword and order a book. He suddenly orders a very ethnic beverage from my country, mispronouncing it, which prompts me to turn and raise an eyebrow at him. After playfully giving him a bit of shit about his horrid pronunciation I asked what prompted him to ask for the strongest bev in the land.

He says it was a bev served at his wedding. We get into the topic of the when and where of his wedding, his lovely wife and kids, etc. But he comes to the point where he confesses how extraordinarily stressed he is, how he plans to just soldier through it all bc that's the "admirable thing to do" bc it's not ok to expect his wife to do everything or for his team at work to do everything, or for him to enjoy any portion of his life... His soul is riddled with stress and guilt about everything.

Five hours later (bc I felt bad leaving when he felt like venting) I'm omw home and wonder if EVERY married dad feels trapped in a bubble of inadequacy the way this guy seems to be EVEN THOUGH he works hard, earns a good living, tends to his wife and kids, etc.

[ryanrhino]

Yes, a few times a year, I do feel low. I question my decisions, responsibilities, but also my definition of "happiness." If it takes more than 2 weeks, I know I need some self reflection time to remind myself how I got here.

Maybe he's feeling that. Maybe his mind is telling him it's time for a break on his own, if he can manage it. Maybe even a few minutes a day to focus on the positives of his lifes, as that is what I do in times of stress, though sometimes it is only a brief respite... like alcohol.

[worldscolide]

Only with situations that I can't fix, or help with.

Like 4 weeks ago my wife had surgery. She spent a week in pain. I couldn't help with it beyond supplying meds and being there for her. I felt like my hands were tied.. Like I was helpless because I couldn't do more.

[DishLady]

Aww. Hope she's having a speedy recovery!

See, THAT I can understand, but this guy has perpetual stress...

[worldscolide]

So far she's good. We are having a follow up appointment today.

[DishLady]

You lovebirds are in my prayers.

[Staximus]

It sounds like he bit off more than he could chew and needs to know his own limitations. Probably should get a different job, too.

[DishLady]

Wife and two kids is fairly standard. And he's around our age, so theoretically he should be capable of that.

He used to love his job... started popping pills bc he loved it too much and felt guilty not wanting to be around his wife as much as his job... She popped out a couple of kids and now he spends hours getting sloshed on the product he enjoyed on his wedding, thinking fond thoughts of his wife and kids intermingled with the burnout of his domestic to-do list along with his nagging feeling that there's nothing he can actually do to make her feel content.

[Staximus]

Popping pills is the problem. His wife probably knows he's fucked up on pills, he needs to get his head out of his ass and get off the drugs

[Staximus]

The fucking party is over

[Staximus]

Time to take life seriously

[DishLady]

She is the one who promoted his pill popping. (One of the side effects is lower libido, which is what I think she wanted.)

[Staximus]

Sounds like a match made in hell, good luck to those idiots

[DishLady]

Lol. Be nice. I hope they figure themselves out.

[exitseven]

It seemed like one minute I was hanging out with my friends and having fun. Then all of a suddenly I was married and had 3 kids to support, a mortgage and working 6 days a week. If a car jumped the curb I think that maybe I would have not jumped out of the way.

[Arcadian222]

A stigma is there pushing men to keep going without much of the outlets.

Its a joke, men's favourite place at home is sometimes washroom. We aren't always jerking offf or cheating. Its just a fucking calm place to be.

Or weekend night out with "the boys" isn't all clubbing and high energy pubs. Its simple just sitting, and doing light convos

[Grond21]

I heard a phrase, but I don't remember where it was from, that a significant number of men live lives of quiet desperation. I think it is sadly true. It's not a universal experience, but it is a very common one.

[OlderAndWiser]

I have never had kids but I feel adequate as a husband to my wife.

[stratford]

It's more common than you think, I suspect for both genders.

[DishLady]

On the woman's side I'm familiar with the fact that when kids come around we feel unattractive and exhausted just from the biological rollercoaster our bodies have endured (and continue to endure within a 5-year period after having a kid). There's no fixed solution to it, though big pharma and the medical profession tend to scam people into thinking there is so they can all make their respective commissions.

While the desire to still be cuddled and feel like we're loved is still very strong, the need for reassurance that our guy isn't lying when he says we're still sexy and appealing is very strong and often hinders her from connecting with her guy.

I'm asking about the guy's side, though.

[stratford]

I understand what you're saying. Guys need cuddles and want to feel sexy and wanted too. Tiredness and the pressure to provide an income and stable home can really kill the spark.

[MasterKS]

marriage is frustration, mostly married people hunting for extramarital affaire.

[DishLady]

Nah. He's faithful to her but has no part of his life that is just... happy.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Never been married. Yes I am bragging!