Does this mean I’m done?

[Anonymous]

I have a friends with benefits, ghosted him a couple of times. And cried over him. It’s been a roller coaster. We text every day. We’ll more like all day every day. Gone out to eat etc. he said he dosent want anything serious. So I’ve ghosted him when I felt like I was getting too close to him. I’d cry because I’d want more he didn’t. But his actions say something else. This last time I thought he ghosted me because he went to babysit and never texted me? It was for 3-4 days till he asked why I was ignoring him. He never texted me so I thought we were done. I cried etc. like a breakup. This time around we hooked up. It was amazing. I was slightly clingy after. But since then I’ve noticed I’m not so attached to him. He’s told me I’m not allowed to ghost him and that I’m only his. Truthfully I’m kinda just numb? Like I don’t really care? I’m not on him like I normally would be.

[Stevepro68]

Well 2 things first of all when a guys says something like nothing serious. It means exactly that and take as fact and it will not change. Secondly try to think about him clearly. Is he really all that great or do you see more potential than reality in him.. Did you become emotionalally invested in him choosing you and not who he really is.. I find in most of these circumstances it's how you heal. Also you will down spiral you have to cut off all communication with him. He will keep on breadcrumbing you when he wants to get laid, or you are convenient.

[Asker]

He said nothing serious but then he’ll say well you know it might lead to something. Or he’ll hint at a relationship like if we became more but in reality it’s like he’s bread crumbing me like you said. He never wanted me. He’ll say I’m not allowed to go anywhere or that I’m only his. But reality is I’m really not his. If I was he’d actually want me. Harsh reality and I really wanna screen shot your response because you are spot on. I was convenient and that’s it. The whole texting all day and everyday was just feeding my delusions.

[Anonymous]

Why are you destroying yourself, your self worth, self esteem, all that over a guy? You’d never tell someone you love to keep dealing with a guy like this you’d tell them they deserve more than being used for sex and treated as an option. You know you would. This man has nothing to offer but dick and conversation. You already know he doesn’t want a relationship, yet you keep taking his gestures and making them mean more in your head. They don’t and he’s told you that. Yes it hurts, obviously it hurts to deal with a man who isn’t receptive and isn’t caring about your feelings that’s why you don’t deal with them. Please believe this isn’t the love you deserve and let him go. This is going nowhere and doing nothing but whittling away at what little pride you’ve got left.

[Asker]

You are absolutely correct, and I don’t know why it took so long to even acknowledge this. Like I knew it was wrong but kept doing it because at the moment it felt right and I held on to those moments. But reality is he dosent want me for me. All those “moments” shouldn’t have been enough.

[Opinion Owner]

You were hoping one day he’d come around, and I think all of us women are guilty of that at one point or another. The thing is that once you have confirmation from him that there isn’t any hope and he only intends to use you for girlfriend benefits without the title, then that’s your cue to go. All the things you wanted with him were fantasies, nothing feasible and when you look at what he’s actually ever offered you it’s no where near what you want for yourself in your mind. You’ve slowly begun accommodating for him and taking what is actually super disrespect (aka him saying you’re not allowed to ghost) as a turn in the tides. He isn’t changing bestie, all he’s doing is breadcrumbing you. You deserve a whole bunch more, please start believing that so you can let this loser go.

[Asker]

I needed to hear this, it’s a wake up call for sure. Because this isn’t me. I’m not stupid. I mean I met his mom. So I was like ohh it’s something serious. Nope. The delulu was sooo strong on this one.

[Opinion Owner]

I’ve learned that the women in a man’s life can be the biggest opps lol. Like at the end of the day they’re going to love him no matter what and if they’re used to him bringing women around then they just become passive/neutral to the new ones. I also feel like introducing you to family/friends can be part of the finessing phase to earn your trust because again, the people who love him are going to go along with whatever. Making meeting them substantial for you, but revolving door for them. It’s really annoying and pretty hurtful, like I remember my friends with benefits taking me to a family bbq, birthday parties, nights out to the bar with friends who became mutuals. We went on dates, had 3 vacations, I did 5 years of delulu with him and that’s time I could never get back I wish I could. I was like you, been told he didn’t want anything serious yet, but that “yet” can really mess you up, keep you confused and hopeful. Only an incredibly cruel and selfish man could put us through this, who pretends to be a good guy but good men don’t do that.

[Asker]

Omg that’s practically a relationship! Why are they so selfish. Like we’re good enough to do all of this and make it feel real but the minute we even say something it’s on us. I’m so sorry you went through that. But you’re so right. Relationships do exist. I needa get me back. Because the AUDACITY. I’ve got 6 brothers and they all know if they bring any girl around me ima keep it real with them…which probably explains why don’t allow any girls to come near me.. lol

[Opinion Owner]

Right? It literally was like a whole relationship and it’s so insane to me that men can go that far yet won’t just lock it in. I took almost 2 years after cutting ties to just heal and become more intentional with who I dated next, what questions I asked, things to look out for. Now I’ve been in a serious relationship going on 4 years in Jan. To think I would’ve never had this amazing man enter my life if I’d kept letting the other loser block the door, because he very much did block potential for any other man. I hope you push your friends with benefits out of the way as well.

[Asker]

No because this is an eye opener I was so caught up with him and our relationship or lack of that I was settling and thinking it was okay. But there really is more out there then just this and the fact that you’ve lived it and you got something better just means it’s possible. Thank you sooo much! Like my friends all tell me the same thing but they don’t get it because they’ve never been in this situation and are so quick to just shut it down. And I don’t really listen because they’ve never been in the situation. But it’s so much easier to understand when it comes from someone who’s lived it and knows.

[Opinion Owner]

When it came to my friends I had the exact same mentality because they’d never been through that so I felt they were just very cold and dismissive. Towards the end of dealing with that guy I had stopped taking to them about it entirely because they seemed so annoyed with my choices. I got sick of being judged so harshly so I get where you’re coming from for sure if your friends are that way at all. But no problem at all, I’m just glad I could say something that resonated or helped! Not all the trauma goes to waste I guess lol.

[Asker]

Lol cheers to trauma and the girls who get it! Thank you! And I’m so happy it worked out for you.

[Pohjolan]

What's with women trying to keep their cake and eat it too?

Either you are fine with your current friends with benefits arrangement or you should seek a relationship elsewhere or go poly.

[Asker]

I was okay with friends with benefits. I really was. Till we were going out to eat. (His idea) we were texting every day every hour, till he was asking for pics not of my body just of me. Till he started the whole I’m only his till he started laying in bed with me talking about his family showing me pics, talking bout his life etc, till he started trying to spend the night, till he hinted and stated what if we lead to more, I was all for the friends with benefits till when I was following his lead and his leading lead to more. He told me to cook for him. I’ve met his mom. Where is the line of friends with benefits?

[Anonymous]

You’re in your 30’s and still ghost people?

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆