Am I being sexually assaulted by my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

so last night I was in a heavily deep sleep and didn’t ask my boyfriend to do anything he did to me. I won’t get into the graphics but if I was asleep and I didn’t want anything that happened to me but was so weak and didn't want anything of it but I tried to communicate that with him but cover my breast and privates asking him to stop the best I could I even tried fighting back and saying no but I was just so weak. He held my arms and hands down so I couldn’t fight back.

He told me he’s been trying to get better with the sexual stuff because he always ask for it he did get better and then last night he did that and I kinda remember but am a bit confused and lost and kinda hurt I’m scared to speak to him about it because I know he will make excuses and cry and act like he didn’t mean to hurt me but he’s repeatedly hurt me several times now in the past I would tell him no but he would always take his arm and choke me out with it and make me tell him that I did want it but in reality I did. I’ve tried fighting back but I’m no where near as strong as him. He knows I’ve been hurt in the past and sexually assaulted and abused by past boyfriends because I though I could trust him. But I feel like being used. I am scared to break up with him because I do fear him and how he acts he’s very manipulative and very mean.

I don’t know what to do. Is that sexual assault or harassment or am I overthinking and overreacting? I’m lost hurt and confused. I feel so dumb and just I don't know. It all is hurting me because I trusted him so many times to not hurt me but I always cry in the end and he was always dismissive of that and said I was the problem because I become distant from him and it hurts him. He also always tries to grab my breast and I hit his hands and have even kicked him between his legs to get him off or get him to stop and he says I’m mean and rude towards him…. what should I do?

Updates

6 mo

Ok…so this morning I grabbed a trash bag and filled it with as many things of mine as I could after his dad and him left for work so I’m headed off to a new home in a totally different town than the closest one to them. I’ll be in a hotel and hope to find safety and get some help later from a therapist if insurance will cover. Thank you everyone for convincing me to find a way out I’ve been so scared but I felt reassured that I would be ok with leaving.

[petitedollbabee]

I am so sorry you went through that. Im going to put it bluntly: your boyfriend raped you. You were trying to sleep, did not ask him to do anything, you actively tried to tell him to stop when he was doing things to you, you tried to physically fight back and get him off, you tried to cover yourself up, and he held you down and didn’t stop. That is not only sexual assault but it is also rape.


Your first step should be to find somewhere else to stay. If you live with your boyfriend, see if you can stay with a friend or family instead.
Your next step should be to go to the hospital and get a rape kit done if you think you might want to press charges. It is completely your decision though.
And your next step should be to block him on every social media and form of contact, do not engage with him, rapists do not take accountability for their actions and he will try to gaslight you or make you feel bad for him assaulting you. Do not let him do that.
Also, reach out to sexual abuse support services in your area. They can help you too.


Again, so sorry you went through this. I was also raped by a boyfriend many years ago, and it is so mentally painful.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. I’m going to try my best to find a way out the best I can it’ll take some time but I’m going figure this out I know I can’t stay. I’m truly sorry for what happened to you as well.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend knows he can do whatever he wants to me and if I'm not able to do it for some reason I'll get him off any way I can if he needs it.

[Asker]

I understand. I’m sorry…that doesn’t sound healthy though I’ve been dealing with this for two years now and I don’t even have the chance to say no. I tried and tried but he insist on making sure I am ready to take him anytime he wants it. But I don’t know maybe I have a low Lobito there is much more to this relationship between me and him than just that. I don’t feel safe in the place I am in at all.

[Staximus]

If this guy has choked you to the point of losing consciousness then he's a piece of shit and he could have killed you. I recommend you get away from him before you die

[Asker]

I will be leaving it’s more about finding the right way to get out without him hunting me down. I’ve tried to leave twice now but he always comes back and gets me he put Life360 on my phone and I took it off. He didn’t like that at all but I’ve kept it off which has only made more problems for me.

[Asker]

I can’t go to my mom’s house because she is a druggie and the boyfriend she has kicks me out because I’m an annoyance cus he feels they can’t have sex with me there. Plus my boyfriend knows where my mom lives and one other problem is he always finds me and I don't know how I don’t have social media I never post anything about my location but I do tell a trusted friend where I am and I’m afraid they are telling him so I’m about to have to gather the funds for a hotel room and find a way out again without the other two places I’ve gone being involved.

[Asker]

I don’t have very much money and so I’m just scared of what he will do if he finds me again thank goodness we don’t have a kid together because the one time I had a pregnancy scare he didn’t like that at all and threatened all kinds of things. And he refuses to use any protection nor let me on it. So I need to find a way out of town because my car will not run to get me very far out of town Without breaking down since we live about hour and a half from out of town. He doesn’t want me to work because he wants me to stay home and care for the house same with his dad and the couple times I’ve tried to get a job it always falls through due to car issues and he tries to keep me away the best he can.

[Asker]

His parents aren’t supportive at all his mom doesn’t like me because I “took” her baby boy and the dad hits on me constantly and I live with the both him and his dad. It’s been so hard because I can’t have friends either he won't allow that and constantly checks my phone to ensure I won’t have any the couple times I did go to my friend he freaked out and stormed in her house to pull me out and he did I’m not near strong enough to even go up against him and my friend isn’t either when she tried to she got hurt

[Asker]

None of it is safe and I’ve reached out for outside help I’ve called shelters for women in these situations and they are all full and don’t have space. So it’s such a tough situation and I have to play my cards right to find a way to get out because if I don’t I’m afraid of being really hurt or even killed like you said because it seems the more I fight the more he gets aggressive with me. And if things aren’t done his way by the time he’s home from work and stuff I get in trouble by both him and his dad. I just turned 21 and he is also 21. So I’m no longer in school to ask for help and it sucks really bad. I’m just super scared I’m even having to hide this and delete all traces of me speaking on this website but they are at work right now

[Asker]

I’m so sorry it wouldn’t let me put it all in one text it was to long so I had to split it up.

[Staximus]

Can you go live with friends or other family? Just leave

[Asker]

I will call the one other person I know. I only have my aunt and my mom but he knows where they live so I will see if my aunt can give me a ride and pay for a hotel get me out of here it’ll have to be tomorrow because he’ll be home soon from work if my aunts able to do that.

[bowenw]

Do whatever you have to do to get out of this relationship.

[bowenw]

Best of luck to you. Please update us when you have a chance.

[Asker]

Yes sir! I got away and am in a different town right now my aunt took me I packed a trash bag full of some of my things but left most of everything I owned behind and will just hide out in this hotel for a while to make sure he doesn’t find me or track me down so my aunt will be bringing me groceries and some new clothes and stuff for a little while so he can’t find me. I will also likely contact the police. I’m so thankful I’m finally out though I have so much anxiety about him finding me. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the update. Thank goodness your aunt is there to help. Wishing your nothing but happiness going forward.

[beefcakebradybatson]

HE CERTAINLY did S*XUALLY ASSAULT YOU !!! TIME TO DUMP DAT DUDE, DOLLY !!!

[Nice222]

Definitely. It’s time to leave this guy and quickly.

[Abbycado]

Why is he still your boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Girl, leave him before it's too late

[Anonymous]

Wdym choke u with his arm

[Opinion Owner]

What did he do after holding u down

[Asker]

He put me in a chokehold and told me to tell him what I wanted and whenever I would say no he would tighten his grip and wait till I said yes like my throat was in his arm and I did go unconscious for a couple minutes on the ground. I just don’t feel safe leaving him but I don’t feel safe staying.

[Asker]

He just kept going and wouldn’t stop I was trying to fight back.

[Opinion Owner]

What did he do exactly

[jahaims]

Use your brain. You were raped

[Anonymous]

Leave him and find a better boyfriend.

[slatyb]

You were raped.

[zombiewoof]

Time to leave him