Dealing with crush on an authority figure?

[Anonymous]

i’ve had a crush on this person for about 4 months now i think but yesterday some interesting things happened. so it’s a professor, i came to his class yesterday and he was speaking with a bunch of students very close to the door so when i came in through the door he was surprised. which ok normal response i guess BUT i would’ve dismissed it if he didn’t also stumble his words when he said hey to me.

Also side note i remember last class he was speaking about something then he said divorce and looked directly at me ( i may be delusional about this one) but class went by as normal i stayed back to speak with him about textbooks. i tried to leave because there were so many students but then he asked if i had a question. at a point it was just me and a girl. i asked my question but i clearly wasn’t done then he asked the girl if she had a question and she kept insisting that she didn’t want to say it in front of people then he told her that im ok i don’t judge. they were speaking and at some point he told her he's had many students but he’ll never forget me then he quickly said and you too.

so she left and then it was just us then we spoke about random things, he owes me chocolate so we spoke about that and almost the whole time he had his hands in his pocket. I went closer to show him the brand of chocolate i wanted then i saw something down there but i couldn’t tell if it was his jeans fabric being bunched up or I don't know. oh and also last class again i was walking past him and through the corner of my eye it felt like he looked me up and down. so yea I don't know

Updates

5 mo

oh and he was also teasing me a lot, which he literally always does but this is just the new semester stuff. last semester other things happened but yea

[spartan55]

But yeah, you really think you are the only one? You are beyond delusional.

[Asker]

the only one that what?

[spartan55]

The only coed he gives attention to.

[Asker]

so you agree his behavior is sus ok thanks

[spartan55]

No I don't think that at all. You are projecting your grade school crush onto the whole situation and it's warping your perception.

[Asker]

okay😂

[spartan55]

You can laugh all you want, but I guarantee nothing will ever happen. I've seen this movie many times.

[Asker]

ok can i get your thoughts, last semester he told me he liked to make me laugh whilst literally refusing to break eye contact, gave me his number to send him a video i spoke about, repeatedly glanced down my top, i took a sexual book he had in his office ( why he had it there the first place I don't know) and i tried returning it back to him he told me i had to decide if i wanted to keep or return. knowing the nature of the book why not just take it back. and the rest i said in original post is just the new semester things that have happened, I've spoken about the last semester things on here before. obviously if im receiving this kind of attention from a professor it’s inevitable that i’ll start developing an attraction so I don't know what to do

[spartan55]

You need to stop whatever it is you think is going on. You make it seem like you don't have any agency here.

[spartan55]

Do I really need to explain why it's a horrible idea to get involved with your professor?

[Asker]

so you agree that his behavior is sus then like i said before. how do i get over it, im not actively trying to pursue him i want to get over it

[spartan55]

You're an adult, right? What do you think you need to do?

[spartan55]

I like how you keep ignoring the bigger issue. Just fucking go to class and don't engage beyond what is necessary. Stop the cutesy chocolate bets and borrowing books, and all that other crap.

[Asker]

he’s the one that started the bet lmfao but i still need to meet him after classes if i have questions so it’s like i can’t really completely avoid him. so again you agree that his behavior isn’t like an average professor’s

[spartan55]

Why is so important to get validation on his conduct?
Okay, he started the chocolate bet and YOU went along with it! Stop acting you are so helpless and can't mitigate the situation.

[spartan55]

So, you really want to be in a relationship with your professor? Think before you answer?

[spartan55]

Also, it's NOT inevitable that attraction is developed due to receiving attention. You are CHOOSING to go along with it.

[Asker]

so i don’t feel like im crazy? ok so
im choosing to go with something. no i dont want to be in a relationship with him he's 55 years old. i think its inevitable that if a hot professor gives you attention eventually you’ll start having attraction towards them. i’m not sure what i want im just 21 but i know im trying to get over it. but i can’t

[spartan55]

How much relationship experience do you have?

[spartan55]

See if what I think is true...

[Asker]

zero

[spartan55]

Ahh my intuition was spot on. Why haven't you been in a relationship yet?

[Asker]

I don't know i just don’t care/ my feelings have never been as strong. so how convenient that the only person I've ever had such a huge crush on is my professor

[spartan55]

You don't know? Okay, I'm not buying that. You don't have real feelings, you are infatuated. He is probably married anyway.

[Asker]

he is

[spartan55]

Good lord... be fucking accountable and just stop. You had so many stop signs and you just ran right through them.
He is not a good person.

[Asker]

be accountable for what? hows he not a good person

[spartan55]

Good lord... are you being serious? Were you never taught any morals?
Be accountable for your part in this! You are willingly flirting with a married man. How are you okay with that?
How is he a shitbag? Let's start with he is cheating on his wife (emotionally or physically) He is also abusing his power in an educator/student dynamic, which he could lose his tenure and/or his job.
You are either incredibly naive or trolling me.

[spartan55]

I say that about him based on what you say, which I believe a large part of is exaggerated or in your head.

[Asker]

not exaggerated but believe what you want to, i’m not flirting with him but ok. try being a young person in limerence with someone 30 years older than you let’s see how you handle it. are you even married what do you know about cheating, he hasn’t done anything to me

[spartan55]

You have to be married to know what cheating is? I was married ten years, so am I qualified? Ask his wife if what he is doing is acceptable.
My 21 year old self would never put myself in that situation with a married professor. I would have handled it just fine.
He is doing plenty which I explained in my last reply. He is risking his career and you think it's nothing? How did you get into college anyway?
I get the feeling you were very sheltered growing up, because you are beyond clueless.

[spartan55]

And what would you know about flirting? Zero experience and you think you know better? Gtfoh.

[Asker]

it’s easy to say what you will do til you’re actually in the situation, maybe because he does things so casually that i’m just like oh it’s just how he is so I don't know. that’s why im in these places asking these questions because i genuinely i’m confused about his behavior. the only time i was so sure that he repeatedly kept looking down my top was because a week before he looked down and immediately looked away but this time he didn’t look away. Apart from this im like I don't know what his behavior is? maybe he’s teetering, maybe my mind is playing games at this point i don’t know.

[spartan55]

Any guy looking down your top is, hardly unusual.

[Asker]

ok so great like bruh and saying i like making you laugh? to a student whilst LOOKING me in my eyes. i genuinely feel crazy when i say these things because it’s like it has to be seen from someone directly present

[spartan55]

It doesn't mean anything.

[Asker]

okay then

[DryGermanGuy]

Ooooh boy… 🙄

[Asker]

can y'all give a normal feedback like what am i supposed to do with this😭

[DryGermanGuy]

How about you keep a healthy distance to this person?

[Asker]

why though

[spartan55]

@asker stop playing dumb