I just got back from my tax preparer guy and he's a bit of an arrogant douche. I tried asking him stuff I didn’t understand and just the way he talks to me makes me feel like im an idiot for even asking. Also cuts me off mid sentence too.
so suffice to say i think ill get a new tax person next year.
anyways how do you deal with those types?
Ideally I’d try not to get offended because there should be no offensive way to deliver facts and truth. Well. Facts. Facts aren’t offensive. So… whether a person is a crappy human or not, I have to remind myself that all people aren’t born knowing, and I probably know a few things that arrogant person doesn’t know. I don’t need to prove it or grab a diagram / drawing board just so we can compare and see who knows more. Do I like attitude? No. I honestly can’t tell if I’d address them on their attitude or not. Depends on if I feel the need. I may just look at them and understand that I’m not their mother or paid to teach them on manners. I’m not their teacher and I’m not god. I’ll ask the questions. If they’re rude in general I’ll seek out a new person of their profession who can at least deliver the facts with finesse, patience, and some common courtesy.
When I’ve dealt with people like this in the past, I’ve definitely felt angry and was burning inside knowing I didn’t have to prove anything. I simply did feel bad so later I had to address what I may or may not have felt uncertain or a bit insecure about. There’s been times but very few, where I did call them out on their behavior. It’s really not about what a person knows or what they do for a living or even how much they make. It’s their delivery of information, services, conversation, and etc. - to other people.
Part of me also thinks that’s their style and they probably talk like that to others, and they can’t help their own stupidity, so I’d just ignore it. Like back in the school days when you just knew one kid was a weirdo and called everybody “Sam.”
But he didn’t have special needs.
You could either ignore him and be firm that you like others to call you by your name. Or just understand he’s that weird guy and you just make an exception for him and ignore it and not take it so seriously.
It’s 50/50.
In general I think others should address things they don’t like so they keep a fresh sense of self and not mellow into nothingness.
Personally I want to try to adopt not reacting to certain things and this comes with risks of desensitizing, of course. I try to find a balance and just wish to be well aware of behaviors of other people. I just don’t want to let certain things get to me. That’s all.
In closing. It depends on what I think and feel in that moment. I need a personal scenario to actually be placed in and would need to see them as a person. Assess that and also see how strongly I feel about whatever uncertainty or insecurity I may have that would be discussed.
The only way to overcome an insecurity is to become secure in it, and doing that simply means learning more about it. The how and the why. Like that.
My grandmother can be a real bitch when she wants to be, and as the abusive, racist lump of flesh gets older she cares less and less about what she says to other people. It’s turned into me calling her out for it whenever she critiques random strangers for bullshit, or people in her church, or my mother, and that just turns into her calling me a bitch to my mother when my back is turned. She’s terrible with confrontation lol
I actually seem to have a natural way of dealing with arrogant people in ways that have them inviting me back to their homes at the end of the day, like local celebrities here in Japan as well as very successful business owners and so forth. I've even had some buy me dinners that would bankrupt me: champagne and abalone oysters normally costing $3,000+ USD for free on their dime.
It's not because I'm so charming; far from it.
The way I look at it is that I'm neither star struck nor star allergic. If a person did something really amazing, I'll flatter them for it. But I'm not going to flatter them just because they're famous.
Even the way I compliment is kind of weird. Like I don't tell women that they're beautiful. That's too generalized. I could say that to any woman I find attractive. Instead I say their hooked/aquiline nose is beautiful, for example, and reminds of Greco-Roman statues. It comes off more sincere that way and much more observational; it sets you apart from the crowd who can't come up with anything very original.
So I'll even accept some degree of condescension from such people but I will challenge some of it. It's just never challenging a person as a point. And I'll still flatter but sincerely, very observationally.
I don't know how to explain it. I can try to work on how to explain it more. I just have a way that works for at least some. Not sure if it would work on your accountant but I have a way which has rarely failed. In fact, it's easier for me to befriend arrogant people than humble people given the way I work.
I will call them out on it the first 2 times it happens. The third time I walk away and never talk to them again
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I'm assertive AF :D
"Let me finish first, please"
"I don't feel comfortable with the way you treat me, please be more respectful"
my partner is like this sometimes. I call him out on it! And I correct him on the spot because I refuse to be the person he puts down just because he’s not in his happy place.
I'll definitely call someone out on it in a heartbeat.
Cut the conversation short and leave.
Ignore them.
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