Where can guys get lessons in being a gentleman?

Question

i just read a question posted by an anonymous asking for advice on why he made a girl at work uncomfortable. I’ve been wondering for a long time

why do some (very few, by the way) guys understand being a gentleman and are respectful and manly while others seem completely lost? where do men learn manners and how to treat a woman or at the very least, self-respect in when faced with a woman he disagrees with

MrChinaski · Accepted Answer

Most of the things that matter in life we don't teach. Most of the things we do teach don't matter.

What I have tried to invest in my son is self-respect, confidence, treating people with kindness (not hard to do, he's the kindest person I have ever met), be nice to women they are mainly nice people, don't ever apologise for who you are, always apologise when you do something wrong. What fathers model is probably more important than what they teach. He just turned 18 and hasn't dated yet so... we will see how that turns out.

If men grow up comfortable with who they are and what they have to offer, I think gentlemanly behaviour flows naturally.

Maybe I'm too optimistic.

@DreamCrescent Your thoughts?

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

Read this. George Washington wrote it when he was 14 (much it based on a 16th Century French Jesuit work he studied). These were critical toward him becoming a great leader. Trump should have studied this instead of Hitler's writings. Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation  Original Using the modern English spellings and alphabet

MisterWack · Answer

It comes from, not only how they were raised but the community they thrive in.
People said to me that it took a village to raise a kid, I am a firm supporter of that truth.

If your little cut of society bred certain men or women to act a certain way then they will, although it doesn’t always follow the rules. Sometimes it takes a true role model to conquer all.

I know down deep inside, if a man wants to be a gentleman he should learn it from a lady since she is one of the women he’ll try to win over, make feel special, and treat her right if its deep within his heart to do so.

Hardon-Collider · Answer

in schools.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

There's no answer to this question that's commonly agreed upon.

It's actually a perfect example of what I'm talking about whenever I say that the reason were all so lonely and anxious is because being able to instantly say anything to anyone anywhere in the world with zero delay, has completely broken down the boundaries of social norms.

Historically, one country absorbs another or one culture slowly integrates into another.

Humanity has never seen every culture get exposed to eachother in the span of 20 years.

So it creates a situation where women say where are all the real men for example and it's like: OK, yea where are they? What do they look like? And the truth is if you ask 100 people right now and 100 people from 30 years ago, you're going to get very different answers now and very similar answers back then.

And everything is like that. Some people can't even agree on what it means to have integrity. Look at politics, a lot of the friction comes from the fact our society doesn't have an agreed upon baseline of moral standards.

So without social agreement there's no reference point for anyone to make objective decisions about almost anything. You're always assuming and guessing how someone else is going to interpret and respond to something.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"... wondering why some men actually are respectful and polite. Like is that nature or nurture or media or experience or how to breed a gentleman in general" Because these men had role models teaching that, role models incarnating that, also because they have received feedback, from their environment, their lovers, and women in general, that they were on the right way. And that's the unfair part, if this hasn't been part of their education, it means they received another education. This other education matters to them of course. So they most likely won't see why they should change, because they're already set on a path they believe in.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Ideally, he should learn it from his father. That, of course, is assuming that his father is also a well-formed and virtuous man who is present, engaged, and active in his son's life. Or if he has died, at least left a good legacy.

If for whatever reason his father is not around, then it should be a neighbor, uncle, older brother or cousin, coach, religious leader, or someone else he can be comfortable with and can see and understand what he needs and offer it to the extent that they can. And if none of those are available, then he needs to find them somewhere. There's a YouTube channel for example called Dad, How Do I? It's run by a man whose father died when he was young. I've not watched any of his content, but he at least appears to be doing something right (over 5 million subscribers).

On the other side of that, a woman needs to be receptive to him, whether he means to date and court her or not.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Because not all people share the same values and aren’t taught the same ways. Not all people appreciate gentlemen and in a world where gender roles are changing so are the things that made a man a gentleman.

I am not being negative about this or blaming women, I just think things have been changing a bit. Good or bad I don’t know.

I was raised by my parents but learned how to be a gentleman from my grandfathers. My Dad was not a good example. Their generation (born in the 1920s) were very good at teaching me. Those folks are almost all gone and it appears as if younger generations don’t have these good influences in their lives any longer. I don’t know why it didn’t pass down from us, but I think tech is making everyone less social and more awkward.

These are just a few of my observations that I’m sure folks could debate me. That would be fair because these are just by thoughts and observations which are anecdotal.

ohsheeT · Answer

If a man has not learned how to treat a lady if he's trying to date you at that age, he can't learn anything anyway. You don't even want because it would. I'll be fake a real gentleman. It just comes from his soul. His spirit is who he is, somebody that has to learn to be a gentleman is fake as far as I'm concerned.

Snowman84 · Answer

In the online world of men who think they’re such alpha dogs, they promote the idea of the strong man as the man women want. The truth is these guys have past histories of abuse towards women and often criminal records. To weak insecure men these guys seem like hero’s because they project an image they can emulate.

I don’t know of any formal classes of becoming a gentleman, it’s learned from roll models I think.

Spencer10 · Answer

Guys do not need lessons. Its simple. Its called respect. Respect for yourself and other people. Do that and the rest will fall into place.

Shiprex · Answer

I think men in general KNOW how to be gentlemanly BUT nowadays that is often taken as Patriarchal and toxic so tend to treat no one with any special grace. Other Men don't notice this but women experience it more severely

Shy-boy53 · Answer

I think it has to be instilled in them from an early age. It certainly was in me and it costs absolutely nothing to be one

Miristheiss · Answer

There are no vituous ladies any more.

Promiscous, tattoed, pierced, cussing, always a victim while empowered at the same time, hate kids, feminists.

No need for any chivalry. No one to be chivalrous for.

madhatters4 · Answer

ideally from parents, good male role models.

NathanDavis · Answer

everywhere really...  but not everyone is up for learning

DonaldDarko · Answer

I don't know, I'm respectful to everyone, I don't bring sex or race into how I interact.

jshm2 · Answer

Usually their absent fathers are the problem, as their single mother can teach them little.

Rangers · Answer

Nowhere standardized, he'll just have to keep failing until he finally asks the right question of why and finds the answer

exitseven · Answer

I learned from my father and hopefully passed it along to my sons.

msc545 · Answer

The same place where women get lessons in being ladies.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Likely from the men who were a big part of his boyhood, hopefully his father and other older men.

Ironco · Answer

Having an actual male father figure growing up... it's not rocket science.

Zionne · Answer

Books and social media

fivebyfour · Answer

Look up William Hanson on youtube,,,

CubaPirate · Answer

Old movies perhaps

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Charm school.

robocop666 · Answer

youtube

Where can guys get lessons in being a gentleman?

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