Why is my sweet but inexperienced boyfriend shocked by affection?

[Anonymous]

So I'm dating this guy he's a big sweetheart but he's only been with one other woman previously who treated him like shit and like he had no worth as a person. I went and did like a little scratch down his back when he was doing dishes and he panicked thinking I was about to do something insane and not just touch him because I wanted to. He had never had a bj before and isn't really familiar with sex he's nervous about it and can't see why I would care about making him feel good. At one point we were sleeping he rolled over so I put a arm over him to hold him and he sat up trying to figure out what was wrong but he's apparently never been held before. He has decided that he likes being held but it's pretty clear that he's on edge and is waiting for me to flip a switch all of a sudden. He for some reason thinks the only thing a woman would want him for is financial support or to fix stuff.

[bowenw]

He seems to have been raised without ever learning how loving couples behave and having a terrible girlfriend before you has not helped. Try to explain to him how most couples treat each other. Watching some romance movies with him may help.

[Asker]

Well I won't make him do that he doesn't like TV but I can't say I'm horrible familiar either I've only been with one man who cheated and abused me.

I just want him to see that I don't want to hurt him and that it's okay to be weak sometimes and that he can lean on me. He's also rather inexperienced with sex and thinks that it's not enjoyable for me but honestly I find his unfamiliarity rather sweet he seems very uncertain as to if he can touch me so while I was on top I guided his hands to my hips and showed him that I won't break and he can hold me tightly.

[bowenw]

Hopefully over time he will realize he is safe with you and you are not going to cheat. Best of luck to you.

[Alex-Snow]

You sound like a loving caring person. I think with time he will chill out a bit. Has the sex improved since you started going out with him?

[Asker]

He's such a sweet heart inexperienced and sensitive but he's so so sweet and it's improved with time he seems to have gotten comfortable with grabbing My hair.

[HollyK21]

Sounds like he’s got some things to work through, and it may not even be solely pertaining to his ex or inexperience with women. Give it time, he’ll open up more.

[Boulemakh]

Can you guess the origins of me and my partner? ↗

[jamesgoldman]

Often the case with victims of abuse, they'll manifest every action as something with an abusive connection, it's human survival

[beefcakebradybatson]

We've had 407 years of it in America !!!

[beefcakebradybatson]

He's had bad experiences with a woman like many men.

[Asker]

I mean I understand the hurt I was engaged to abusive narcissistic cheater for years.

But I have been friends with the man I'm currently dating for years before we started having a romantic relationship I want to show him that I don't want to hurt or control him I want him to feel like no matter what is going on that he can talk to me I want him to know that I'll be there to support him no matter what happens.

[Anonymous]

You can get too used to being alone.

[In_Trance]

Ask him why... like anyone else would know...