My boyfriend baked a cake for his female coworker but won’t make me tea—am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

One of the things we have been arguing about as of recently is a lack of effort to show me he loves me. We’ve been together for 7 years. Some backstory, he woke up early this morning, at 6AM, to go to the grocery store and make the cake for her before class. I brought it up to him last night that this action makes me a bit uncomfortable but at the end of the day I told him he’s going to do what he wants. He became defensive this morning about “why I don’t trust him.” I understand his perspective that this can be an attack on his character that he is a cheater. I know he’d never cheat but am i overreacting that he made her a cake when all I want is effort to show me he loves me by doing the small things like making me a cup of tea in the morning? I ask if he could boil water for my tea when he’s awake in the morning and he says no, but then he wakes up early before school/work to make her a cake? I don’t get it. Am I being dumb or overreacting at something small? Or is it valid of me to feel a bit uncomfortable with him making her a birthday cake.

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are perfectly valid. I think after 7 years things have become routine. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, but after a while most relationships becoming routines. As for the other girl I’m almost 100% he’s attracted to her. But on the other hand she could just be a really good friend he has no attraction to. I say this because I have a friend at work who has always been good to me, hangs out w my family but in no way am I attracted to her. To me she’s like a sister. But I get it, this girl is nothing similar to my situation. I think too being together for 7 years w no marriage or kids could be a red flag. I say could because I know a few people who have been together forever but don’t get married. I think you need to really worry if he stops taking care of you financially. For men, showing love means doing things like that that involve finances. Maybe try talking to him. Try not to get emotional. I know that’s hard because let’s face it women are usually controlled by their emotions. So maybe just listen instead of interjecting when he says something you don’t like.

[bowenw]

You are not overreacting. I suggest you find someone that is willing to put in some effort for you and he can go make cake for his coworker.

[Taurus_Woman]

Red flags 🚩
Making effort for a coworker but not for you
Small acts of care (like making tea) being ignored at home
Inconsistent priorities — effort goes outward, not into the relationship
You feeling overlooked while someone else gets his attention
It’s not about the cake itself — it’s about the pattern. If you’re repeatedly feeling less valued, that’s something worth paying attention to.

[Mariogirl09]

No you're feelings are valid. he's a dumbass. This is breakup material. he's obviously saying this girl is more important than you. Its always the girls they say you have nothing to worry about with her. Watch out

[Cleatchaser1]

No. At the very least it's just quite bizarre.

[slatyb]

Absolutely not. WTFF? Seven years? What do you want out of life?

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing this isn’t true and you’re being dramatic.

[queenofcardio]

That's not an overreaction.