Why would a casual partner suddenly bring up past relationships and being single?

I met this guy nearly a year ago and shortly after we met we decided to be casual but I can tell something deeper is starting to develop/form. We hung out Sunday night and I pointed out that it's been almost a year since we met. He said really and we both said it didn't feel like that long and were talking about what years sucked for us. Then he said he hadn't been in anything serious since 2022 and I said I hadn't since 2023. He said that the only serious and emotional he got involved with was his job since he opened up a business. I spent the night and the next morning I brought the convo up again and asked him when his last relationship was. He said 2022 again and then said something about being fucked and I asked how. He basically just said that he's gotten used to being single and having his own space. I thought it was a little weird that he made the relationship comment. Couldn't tell if he was trying to see what I would say or if he was just making conversation. And yes I will talk to him, just wanted to get some opinions first.

Alex_Bright

Xper 4 Age: 38

Based on one paragraph of text, it sounds like you would be interested in a relationship and he doesn't due to some past pain.

Does that sound right or did this trigger something defensive on your side?

HollyK21

1 mo
I definitely agree, he sounds like he’s emotionally unavailable.

Reply
Asker

1 mo
Doesn’t trigger me but I don’t think that’s completely correct that he’s completely uninterested

Reply
HollyK21

1 mo
No one’s saying that he’s completely uninterested, it just doesn’t sound like he is in the same headspace as you. On your end, you feel like things are starting to evolve into something more. For him, it sounds like he’s enjoying your time and whatever perks come along with seeing you, but he is not emotionally available. His mention of the ex and how he feels about that sounds like he’s drawing a line in the sand. You stated that you do plan on having a conversation with him, which I hope you really do and it wasn’t a pre-defensive statement, like “dont even say anything about asking him myself”. It sounds like you’re becoming interested in more than what he sounds to be offering, and it would be nice to know you aren’t wasting your time.

Reply
Asker

1 mo
@HollyK21 None of what he said indicates that he’s emotionally unavailable. Honestly he wouldn’t have brought up the relationship convo if that were the case and would’ve shut down when I tried to talk about it again that next morning.

Reply
HollyK21

1 mo
Respectfully asker, I think that in order to ask questions like the ones you’re asking, you must be able to look outside of your own perspective and be willing to consider others. Your only responses have been in defense of this or that rather than trying to understand where we are coming from. We are simply taking the context provided and telling you what it looks like from someone who’s not only on the outside, but has no biases. We don’t know either of you personally, we aren’t trying to sabotage or be harsh, we aren’t wishing for things not to work. It just doesn’t sound like he’s in the same place that you are, that is what we are making of this situation. If you want the most valid answer, of course that lies with him.

Reply
Asker

1 mo
@HollyK21 I didn’t say that we were in the same place but I think trying to say he’s emotionally unavailable is pretty ignorant especially when you’re right that you don’t know either of us. His comments also don’t say that, that is where he's at

Reply
Alex_Bright

1 mo
I agree with HollyK21. You asked for our opinion, here it is. For me, I still stand by my first comment. You are free to disagree.

Reply
HollyK21

1 mo
I stand by my statements as well. If that warrants name calling then you’re just too immature for any further exchanges. You’re acting as if this is some sort of personal attack rather than just a simple assessment of what’s going on. Smh.

Reply
Asker

1 mo
@HollyK21 Girl, please go back and reread what I said. I never called you or anyone a name just said it was ignorant to assume that he’s emotionally unavailable

Reply

What Girls & Guys Said

Opinion

Alex_Bright Follow
Xper 4 Age: 38 , mho 34%

1 mo

Based on one paragraph of text, it sounds like you would be interested in a relationship and he doesn't due to some past pain.

Does that sound right or did this trigger something defensive on your side?

1

9 Reply
- HollyK21
  
  1 mo
  I definitely agree, he sounds like he’s emotionally unavailable.
  
- Asker
  
  1 mo
  Doesn’t trigger me but I don’t think that’s completely correct that he’s completely uninterested
  
- HollyK21
  
  1 mo
  No one’s saying that he’s completely uninterested, it just doesn’t sound like he is in the same headspace as you. On your end, you feel like things are starting to evolve into something more. For him, it sounds like he’s enjoying your time and whatever perks come along with seeing you, but he is not emotionally available. His mention of the ex and how he feels about that sounds like he’s drawing a line in the sand. You stated that you do plan on having a conversation with him, which I hope you really do and it wasn’t a pre-defensive statement, like “dont even say anything about asking him myself”. It sounds like you’re becoming interested in more than what he sounds to be offering, and it would be nice to know you aren’t wasting your time.
  
- Asker
  
  1 mo
  @HollyK21 None of what he said indicates that he’s emotionally unavailable. Honestly he wouldn’t have brought up the relationship convo if that were the case and would’ve shut down when I tried to talk about it again that next morning.
  
- HollyK21
  
  1 mo
  Respectfully asker, I think that in order to ask questions like the ones you’re asking, you must be able to look outside of your own perspective and be willing to consider others. Your only responses have been in defense of this or that rather than trying to understand where we are coming from. We are simply taking the context provided and telling you what it looks like from someone who’s not only on the outside, but has no biases. We don’t know either of you personally, we aren’t trying to sabotage or be harsh, we aren’t wishing for things not to work. It just doesn’t sound like he’s in the same place that you are, that is what we are making of this situation. If you want the most valid answer, of course that lies with him.
  
- Asker
  
  1 mo
  @HollyK21 I didn’t say that we were in the same place but I think trying to say he’s emotionally unavailable is pretty ignorant especially when you’re right that you don’t know either of us. His comments also don’t say that, that is where he's at
  
- Alex_Bright
  
  1 mo
  I agree with HollyK21. You asked for our opinion, here it is. For me, I still stand by my first comment. You are free to disagree.
  
- HollyK21
  
  1 mo
  I stand by my statements as well. If that warrants name calling then you’re just too immature for any further exchanges. You’re acting as if this is some sort of personal attack rather than just a simple assessment of what’s going on. Smh.
  
- Asker
  
  1 mo
  @HollyK21 Girl, please go back and reread what I said. I never called you or anyone a name just said it was ignorant to assume that he’s emotionally unavailable
  
queenofcardio Follow
Guru Age: 32 , mho 33%

1 mo

It's possible he could be interested in you

1

0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)

1 mo

Attention-seeking.

0

1 Reply
- Asker
  
  1 mo
  That makes no sense at all

Why would a casual partner suddenly bring up past relationships and being single?

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do people have casual relationships?

We're glad to see you liked this post.