Why did this guy suddenly ‘ghost’ me after 3 amazing months of dating?

[Guttercat8]

I matched with a guy on a dating app. He and I are talking for a bit and the chemistry is great, we have a lot of the same interests. We agree to go on a date a week later to watch a movie and grab a drink, and I felt like we had amazing chemistry. I’m super into him, and I thought he was super into me. He’s so sweet, caring, funny, and a gentleman.

On our first date he asked me what AirPods case I used, and at the time I was missing a piece because I had lost it but had the bottom piece on still. I didn’t think anything of it and told him, and the next date we went on he got me the same one so It was complete🥹. He lived an hour away from me but he would drive to my apartment every other day. He worked as a contractor so he would be up late for work, and sometimes he would call me and ask if he could come at 3AM JUST to cuddle after work. And we would only cuddle and that just felt so sweet and wholesome. He would pay for everything, he would open my doors for me, he definitely treated me right.

Anyways, 3 months in and we’ve had more dates, romantic/cute moments, and I’m thinking to myself wow, I really like this guy. I want to be with him. And coincidentally, he texts me the same night after a date and says he has something important to talk about. I’m ecstatic because I think he’s going to ask me out finally.

We set a date, and then nothing. I text him if something happened and he said he was sick. So I said I hope he felt better, let me know if you need anything. Days go without a response. I check up on him, he’s feeling a little better, I say the same thing. No response. A week later I finally ask him if we could reschedule that talk and he says he couldn’t but we can call later that night.

I wait, and at that point I’m getting the idea he actually did NOT like me. So I text him first since no call came, and he said he didn’t think we were a right fit together but wishes me the best in finding someone who will love me fully. HUH?

[HollyK21]

What I dislike is that he drug this out how he did rather than just being upfront and ending things once his mind was made up. In any case, it is what it is now. I don’t think any of us can give you a solid “why”, since we aren’t him. The “why” could be due to any number of things: finding another woman, losing interest in you, even just ultimately deciding he wants to be single right now. In any case, he gave you his final answer. No, it wasn’t the best closure and I’m sure you would’ve appreciated more detail. But this isn’t a breakup, and shouldn’t be treated as such. It was a dating period that just didn’t work out, and now you should make peace with it so you can move on.

[Guttercat8]

I agree with everything you’ve said. It’s overall just unfortunate, closure would have been immensely helpful for me personally. I just have so many questions, not that they matter I guess because the end result is still the same. Thank you for your input!

[HollyK21]

Yeah, additional closure can always help a bit with the clarity aspect of things but at the end of the day, your healing cannot depend on getting an explanation, an apology, or even a proper goodbye from the other person. It’s a process of just accepting the reality of what it is, and moving on independently. Try not to look at this as unfortunate, because you aren’t losing anyone who isn’t mutually losing you. It wasn’t wrong to wear a backless shirt or something revealing, there was no perfect way to do this or that. His leaving was not abrupt, it’s been in his mind, he just didn’t execute it properly and I feel like that shows in how reluctant he was to give you a final answer. Let him go, close this chapter and don’t give him any further despairing after today. You will find someone else, who’s much better and wouldn’t do something like this. That’s what you deserve.

[Calyptomaniac]

Kinda sounds like he liked you but maybe someone he likes more popped up all of a sudden. Only he knows for sure though...

[Mark_Est]

Depends, did he f you?

If you did then by that one can conclude that you are an std farmer and no man wants that.

If you didn't but aren't a virgin then you are a waste of time.

If you didn't and are a virgin then he either doesn't want to wait, or wanted quick ass but since he saw you were a virgin respected you enaugh to not to ruin you. In either case, he didn't like you that much. You werent good enaugh on your part of the dates.

[bowenw]

It is too bad he has ghosted you after things were going very well. Is there a chance that his parents could have told him to stop seeing you?

[Guttercat8]

I hadn’t met any of his family yet so I’m not too sure, unless I was just taking away from his time being home and his parents didn’t like it. But on our last date before the “let’s have an important talk” text, we went to our local fair and I was supposed to meet his grandparents since they lived close by and we could get free parking.

I feel like this date may have been why he stopped talking to me, or at least maybe a part of it. Normally I wear normal clothes but this time around since we were going to be out in public for a longer period of time and around other people and couples I wanted to dress a little “showier” that I normally do. I wore a backless shirt and just some cargo pants. I don’t know if maybe it was my outfit or something really happened but the guy I was with said his something had happened with his grandparents (I forget what happened but they weren’t hurt or anything). But I’m not sure, maybe my outfit was too revealing and he was thinking “I am NOT showing up to my grandparents house with her dressed like this”. Something along the lines of that.

I’m not sure if you’d call this getting cat called, but while we were in the fair walking around, a couple of older gentlemen had commented “damn I’d like a piece of that”. Maybe that made the guy I was with uncomfortable as well?

[bowenw]

In my opinion, if the guy liked you he wouldn't let the strangers comments affect how he felt about you. The same is true regarding your outfit and him possibly being worried it was too revealing. If he really cared, he could have suggested you change into something they would be okay with. It's sad if he let external things affect his feeling for you.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[Anonymous]

Could be a lot of reasons. Maybe he found something out about you. Or you did something on one of your dates that he didn’t like. Maybe he met someone else, or there was already someone else. Maybe he already had someone. Did you sleep w him? If you did maybe that’s all he wanted. Maybe someone fed him some info that he shouldn’t get into a relationship. There’s a lot of possibilities.

[Twodogs0525]

Are there any ghosts in your closet he may have found out about? It sounds to me like something better came along for him or he found something out about you.

[OneViewpoint]

He's an asshole and a coward. Stop thinking about it. Cut the cord and moved on. Be thankful you dodged that bullet.

[scott04sa22]

Sounds like he's either a player or has insecure issues. People with poor insecurities commonly ghost people when things gets too serious with them.

[Danny_dan92]

You thought it was amazing… he didn’t

[kinks1951]

If nothing else, ghosting should be a red flag