Why do you think Men are not as open with their feelings or what they're thinking as much as Women are?

Question

senor_bacon · Accepted Answer

One cannot punish honesty then be surprised when it no longer appears.

Somehow women have done this while calling themselves the empathic, emotionally intelligent gender. 🤌

I find it a melancholic irony.

Women feel physically unsafe and vulnerable in many situations, even when there's no threat.

Women quickly recognize merely the possibility of danger and their lack of self defense (vulnerability). This is enough to cause women to leave, or become completely defensive.

Riddle me this, "just take it like a man" (meant within context, women's safety is obviously important)

Women have persistently described being creeped out by guys approaching them. There was years of women posting videos online telling men please don't approach us.

Then women turned right around with the most ignorant, unbeknownst-to-me look in their eye. "Why aren't men approaching us?"

Kind of like this question posed by a 35 year old woman as if she doesn't know the answer XD

When men open up, women betray men's trust placed in them.

Women quickly recognize merely the possibility of danger, yet act like Stevie Wonder when it comes to men's personal information.

It's often said once you've told a woman something, you've also told everyone she knows. Because she's going to now tell the story to everyone else for girl talk. It then echoes throughout social circles.

"Wait who's boyfriend was that?"
"Oh so and so's boyfriend."
"Oh so that's him."
🤌 A stranger now knows some personal tidbit and whom it pertains.

C'est quoi ce putain? C'est marde.

This is just men's words, feelings, stories, admitting failure, much less just the possibilty of physical danger.

It's not as if men are human beings, right? Because if women persistently dehumanize men, it makes it easy to excuse all kinds of female misdeeds.

Women's often and persistent queries to "just open up". Then women express discontent "I feel like you don't trust me" (emotional weapon)

Then women take the exact thing they beg you to open up about to disqualify you as a man. Then tell the world about it.

Then go online and be like "why don't men open up"

It's a melancholic irony.
Somehow, it's a part of the empathetic girl code to never point out female dehumanization of men, among many other things. "Don't ruin it for the rest of us" 🤌

Why aren't women worth men's trust?
Is a more complete, up to date question that acknowledges discussions from culture's past.

Or maybe I should've just said two words: toxic femininety, then turn off the replies XD

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Because if a man is not already taught to lock his feelings away, the first time he shows his true feelings and is punished for it, he learns to lock those feelings away. Men are conditioned to maintain a stoic demeanor. After a while men become MASTERS of their emotions. Women have a very hard time controlling their emotions. It's counter to their nature. But men learn to use their emotions. A man who's learned to control his emotions, a woman can never know for sure what he's feeling. Because he's learned only project what he emotion he feels he needs to show at the time. A man who's mastered this can project love to a woman he feels absolutely NOTHING for. And he can be completely stone faced and look completely unbothered, even when he's crumbling inside. Because it's survival to a man. And a man never shows weakness, unless showing weakness is part of the plan. A man may fake emotional weakness as a strategy. Men prefer brute strength, a straight up fight. But a man has to exercise a different skillset with women.

HawkPerception · Answer

Firstly, it depends on the guy. I've never had any issues sharing what I think and feel as I find it illogical to not share it. Bottling up your emotions never ends up well. However, it is true that society pressures man to be mentally strong and suck it up throughout life. They teach us to be the rocks for everyone. They teach us to be stoic. Talking about feelings is seen by many as weakness.

AI response:

Here is the nuanced breakdown of what actually drives attraction (or repulsion):

1. Delivery: Vulnerability vs. "Emotional Dumping" (The biggest factor)

Unattractive: Using a partner as an unpaid therapist. This involves sharing intense, unprocessed trauma, venting uncontrollably without self-awareness, or expecting her to fix his feelings. This puts her in a caretaker role, kills romantic tension, and signals a lack of emotional regulation.
Attractive: Vulnerability with composure. This is sharing a fear, insecurity, or sadness with the clear framing of "This is what I am feeling, and I trust you enough to let you see this part of me." It signals confidence, self-awareness, and trust—all of which are highly attractive traits.
2. Timing and Context

Early dating (First few dates): Sharing deep childhood traumas or existential dread too early breaks the "mystery" and signals poor social boundaries. It creates premature intimacy that feels heavy rather than exciting. In this phase, light emotional sharing (e. g., "I'm nervous, but I'm really glad we met") is actually endearing and builds rapport.
Established relationships: Vulnerability is non-negotiable for long-term attraction. Research by Dr. John Gottman shows that couples where men accept their partners' influence and share their emotional inner world have significantly lower divorce rates and higher sexual satisfaction.
3. The Type of Emotion Matters

Sadness/Fear/Grief: Expressing these appropriately increases intimacy and perceived warmth.
Anger/Frustration: Expressing these without self-regulation is universally unattractive and often perceived as threatening.
Pride/Excitement: Sharing positive feelings (called "capitalization") is incredibly attractive. When a man shares good news with excitement and his partner actively engages, their bond strengthens significantly.
4. The Psychological Paradox (What research shows)

Studies (such as those published in the Journal of Family Psychology) reveal a fascinating paradox:

Consciously, most women say they want a man who shares his feelings and rank emotional expressiveness as highly desirable.
Unconsciously, due to ingrained societal gender norms, some women may experience a momentary dip in perceived "masculinity" or "protectiveness" when they see a male partner cry over a personal failure.
However, over the long term, the conscious desire wins out. Women in relationships with emotionally repressed men report feeling lonely, disconnected, and less sexually attracted to them over time. Suppression kills intimacy; appropriate expression builds it.
5. Cultural and Individual Differences
This is heavily influenced by culture, attachment styles, and personal history. A woman with an avoidant attachment style may find vulnerability suffocating, while a woman with a secure or anxious attachment style will find it deeply bonding.

The Bottom Line for Men:
Sharing your feelings does not make you less attractive; sharing them poorly makes you less attractive.

The most attractive approach is the "Strong Tree" model: You are a sturdy tree that can withstand storms, but you let your partner see where the wind has bent your branches.

Share to connect, not to unload.
Share with self-regulation (don't lose total control of your emotions).
Share gradually, matching the depth of the relationship.
Doing this will make you more attractive to the vast majority of emotionally mature women. If a woman loses attraction to you simply for crying or being honest about a fear, that is a reflection of her emotional immaturity, not a flaw in your masculinity.

Lynx122 · Answer

I do but many people look at me weird. I think with men people care more about if you can handle any situation that might come up and you're strong and stable rather than if you're actually processing what's going on inside. My goal is to do both but it's not simple. It took me 10.5 years to overcome trauma, anxiety and just understand myself now I'm in a new phase where I can actually build up my life. My energy changed sleep diet and exercise were all affected by the anxiety falling away. Now I've found a good routine for my sleep and it's working. But I'm also learning from experience now and not reflecting as much when I was working through my mental health stuff I was mostly reflecting and trying to understand what was going on now that's more in the background and I'm more just trying to have new experiences and teaching my nervous system I'm fine. Basically I still have regular inhibitions now that I need to overcome just the overwhelming anxiety is gone. I think I took the right path and made the best I could out of my situation in life but it's not something that is valued or rewarded by society. Rewarded is you go from a boy as fast as possible to a man who has his shit together and is offering some kind of value to other people is confident and socially outgoing and keeps going neveer needs a break. That's pretty much what society wants from a man.

For a man it goes very quickly from you're sharing your emotions to wait this guy has issues and he's not stable. He's gonna burden me with his problems when I wanna burden him with my problems. That's kind of the feeling I get, that's why most men even if they have issues just don't talk about it and pretend everything is fine because they know they will be seen as less attractive and less stable and reliable.

BCRanger10 · Answer

The main reason is probably because the differences between how a man's brain is made and how it works and a woman's.

Men, generally speaking, show higher levels of activity in the right amygdala, a key component in emotional regulation, especially in regards to negative emotions, like sadness, fear, and anxiety. It particularly activates when threats are present or perceived. A man’s brain is also more lateralized, meaning the left and right hemispheres of the brain are more isolated and specialized in how they operate, hence a man’s “one-track mind”. All this, combined with being generally physically bigger and stronger, gives a man a greater capacity to be a “strong and steady” presence.

The comparison I've heard before is that a man's brain is a waffle and a woman's brain is spaghetti. A man's thinking and emotional regulation is more compartmentalized. So really, men just might not think it's necessary or appropriate to express emotions. But ultimately, I think it just depends on the situation.

NathanDavis · Answer

perhaps because (generally speaking)... in many ways, men tend to internalize things in order to solve or figure out things... and that's in part, the way we process things more naturally but also how "the culture" or "society" has worked for the most part

we see issues or problems or ideas as something to analyze and fix... rather than to share or vent about... and also, we feel like we have to protect others rather than burden them

and then, for most things... minor things, we learn to do it ourselves, the problem is when we don't learn to recognize when we take on too much and do not seek help, or don't open up...

it's a tricky balance to achieve sometimes

andreasderjuengere · Answer

I think that ''we'' are transparent enough.

The all-time difficulty still is that ''woman-language'' and ''man-language'' are of different nature.

Most of the time people hear what they wish to hear - on ''both sides''.

But our filters often are clogged :D

We can always ask ''what do you mean, actually'' - but we (again: both 'sides') usually don't :)

Therefore... I meanwhile handle 'opposite gender's' feelings and thinkings as being pending and/or being relative. For the sake of peace and harmony <3

Anonymous · Answer

There’s a lot of reasons. Culture for sure as far as how we’re raised. It’s also possible because we don’t have as much estrogen as women we’re not as emotional. Women tend to be more social, so they tend to talk more w other women. Men don’t. Some women also use a man’s feelings against him when they have an argument. A lot of women say they want an emotional man, but the mi Ute he cries it becomes an ick for a number of men. If he starts to complain about things, like your relationship the. She says he’s just a big ass baby, he whines a lot. When he talks about her as far as what she does or doesn’t do in a relationship she doesn’t like it. There’s a lot of reasons.

Tarifa · Answer

I think it all comes down to what we've been told when we were kids : "Boys don't cry". So as teenagers, you play tough because that what is expected of you. Boys in a group of friends will very rarely talk about their feelings. They will with a close friend, but that's about it.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Mostly because we're taught and even ridiculed into pretending to be tough and non-caring. If you have feelings about something, you're called a pussy and made fun of! If you get hurt accidentally, you're supposed to shrug it off like it was nothing no matter how badly it hurts, otherwise, you'll be a weakling and a pussy in the eyes of everyone else and they'll even beat you up just for the sake of beating you up just to SHOW you're a big pussy.

RavVid · Answer

I've got negative emotions right now but am I going to talk about them? NO. Am I going to act on them? NO.

The less I talk about them the sooner they will recede and the sooner logic will be restored.

After logic is restored, I will evaluate if a genuine problem exists and if I need to do anything. If I do need to do something, it will be a logical action such as walking away etc etc.

Talking it out seems to work for women - but not me or I suspect a lot of guys.

bear34 · Answer

This is one of the characteristics of men: we cannot constantly talk about our feelings or express them as openly as women do. Even though we may be reserved in this regard, we reveal our feelings through our actions, our protectiveness, and our gestures.

front2back · Answer

1. Women will punish you for it, if you admit that you get worried when she doesn't respond quickly enough to you, women will use that knowledge as a tool against you when they are angry or otherwise.
2. When men do show sadness in particular or other emotions, many women will get the "ick" and want to leave him even if everything else is fine.

Jersey2 · Answer

I don’t consider it that important and it certainly isn’t welcome when I do. Men are expected to be the ones in control and lead through adversity. Even today when the shit hits the fan and the BS DEI crap fades away, men are looked to to fix it. It just is.

I tried a few of times to be more open and it seemed to scare those that depended on me. Like “don’t fall apart, we need you” type looks and reactions. The message was very clear.

browsingthroughthe · Answer

Hey you know me Green, I'm an open book 😀📖 just don't anyone ask my PIN or other details lol 😔😆 💳

s0j7e3zyxc8v0 · Answer

I think society often teaches men to hide their emotions and appear strong so they may find it harder to open up, If men are too emotional or open about everything people call them gay being gay isn't a bad thing it just means you're attracted to the same sex instead of the opposite sex there's nothing wrong with that It's something you're born with society is honestly so backwards ALWAYS

sage2021 · Answer

I believe that certain men are open with their feelings when they find a safe person to feel comfortable doing that with and won't be judged for it. I say this because I had such a man.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Many men carry a background awareness that other men could use their vulnerability against them. Of course in reality such situations rarely happen.

AngryCarl3 · Answer

Men don't talk about feelings because they don't consider them important. We're more concerned by practical matters like when the football is on and how much beer is in the fridge.

Emmytexrex · Answer

Society expect us to be like that  But you can be vulnerable but not dumping your bunch of feelings on someone

slatyb · Answer

Because many men are raised to stuff their feelings -- "boys don't cry".

HarveyLaw · Answer

"Once bitten, twice shy" - Pappy Jack

beenherebefore · Answer

I guess vulnerability makes them uncomfortable and too exposed.

Shiprex · Answer

It's often used as ammunition by those we trusted with it.

exitseven · Answer

Men are taught from birth to never share their feelings and if they do they are weak.

AgentG111 · Answer

Women are more emotion based and men are logical based. It's not bad just a great balance when there isn't a balance things don't work.

RareBreedOfMan · Answer

I fear rejection is why I fail to open up about my feelings.

msc545 · Answer

Because when we are that way, women tell us we are weak.

Anonymous · Answer

Because men don't do feelings You feel bad, you pour a tumbler of Scotch as anesthetic

jazzy34 · Answer

Two words: toxic masculinity.

Cidknee · Answer

We are taught this as boys to become men.

Why do you think Men are not as open with their feelings or what they're thinking as much as Women are?

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