How can I help my brother move on from an unattainable love?

[Anonymous]

Im writing this on behalf of my little brother. he's 26 and has been in love with this one women for years unfortunately she's married, slightly older and just had her first baby so there isn't a chance in hell.

They both met at work and then later on found out our mom's were both good friends at there workplace too and known each other for years. She even had playdates with us when we were younger just obviously when you get older you don't remember these things.

They also found out they had loads in common and similar interests and became really good friends. My brother was in a relationship at the time of meeting her and he found she was too. Not long after though he broke up with his girlfriend for a number of reasons and one of them being he was falling for this women and she knew it.

she's 28 now and married to a slightly older guy with lots of money and he seems to make her really happy but she did admit to my brother but there was mutual feelings there and it wasn't just all in his head but out of respect to her partner she told him it best to distance themselves from each other and told him to focus on travelling and doing all the things he wants before settling for someone which he did.

He left his workplace and became a photographer and now is doing a lot of travelling. Meanwhile she got married which he pretended to be happy about for her.

Then he met Tina. Tina is lovely but she looks the spit of this women he's still in love with. They are constantly breaking up and getting back together. Then my brother found out this women has had a baby and he's beside himself. He won't amit it he just locks himself in his room now, doesn't answer his girlfriends texts and smokes weed.

This women is very pretty and got a great personality but i dont know why he's so hyper focused on her instead of looking for something else. He knows its not gonna happen so needs to move on instead of self pitying for the next 5 years like he already has been.

Updates

3 d

I forgot to mention his girlfriend is a distant cusion of hers. He said he didn't know that but I don't know about that.

[Anonymous]

I have a someone who is unobtainable for me. If there were to be a successful relationship, she needs to reach out in whatever way she needs to. There was a time in which I tried to hamper all my interest. I just avoided anything that would remind me of her. I didn't look at her pictures or go to any site she frequented. I never got to completely shut her out, and she still lived in the back of my thoughts. However, I was making significant process. Unfortunately, she seems to have done something to signal interest. At this point, she seems to be wasting my time, but I cannot quit her if I have a chance. My advice for you is to create separation.

[slatyb]

Probably the only thing that will work is for him to meet someone he likes even more.

[Nikki1989]

The most important thing is simply to let him talk about it without immediately trying to fix or redirect him. People move through things faster when they feel genuinely heard than when they feel managed.

[HellOnHeels0]

Tell him to get out before he ends up on the forensics files.

[Asker]

I really don't think he'd hurt her. The only person I worry about him hurting is himself

[HellOnHeels0]

If her husband found out, people hurt each other for betrayal.

[Asker]

Thats one of the things I've warned him about. Her husband is a big fella

[Anonymous]

Your brother needs to grow up. There are 4.3 billion women on this planet. And MOST of them would make a much better partner that this woman. When he matures a little bit he'll realize this.

[Asker]

I've told him this but he's very in denial about his feelings towards her and pretends everything is fine. He talks to me a little about it as im the only woman in the family besides our mom.

He isn't good with express his feelings and told this women that too when he confessed that he loved her so it was a lot for him to do and then to get rejected but told he wasn't crazy and the feelings were somewhat mutual besides the love part must have stung badly for him.

I think more happened between them then he talks about or he wouldn't be this hung up and that the time of this all happening there was strange behaviour from him.

People may say its none of my business but its my little brother and im genuinely worried for his wellbeing and feel kinda sorry for his girlfriend. I think he needs to speak to a therapist or something but he will refuse and probably say therapy is for gays or something lol

[Opinion Owner]

I can relate to some of this. I was 40 years. old before i got to the point that i could share my feelings. As a guy he probably has to feel he has to wear a suit of armor emotionally and he romanticizes the fact he'll just meet the woman one day who will be able to accept it all.
All you can do for him is let him know he's loved. That the woman for him IS out there (it's just not the woman he is imagining) a soul crushing heartbreak can be the best think for a man as he rises stronger from it than ever before. And HE DOES have that strength in him. No one one gets to decide how great he can be but him. And no woman gets to decide his value. She can only decide her perception of it. And that is ONLY her perception. He won't get over this over night. But he does have to do some introspection and come to the realization why it didn't work out. Very few men get to choose a woman. The women typically choose them and then he decides whether he chooses her back. He needs to learn that all a man can do is put himself in the best light for her to see his value. And if she doesn't, that is actually for the best. Because why would he want to be with a woman who wasn't smart enough to see how awesome he is. Tell him he'll get there. What really helped me was being reminded of all the people that loved me. People don't have to love and care about you, even if they're related. So the fact that YOU care is a TESTAMENT to his worth. And some other woman, some woman down the road that is a better match for him WILL see it to.

Also, tell him i said to stop smoking weed. That is of no benefit to him. 👍

[bowenw]

Be available for him to talk to if he wants. Invite him to do things with you.

[Anonymous]

Who’s the pretty woman?

[Asker]

As if you'd know her 🤣

[Opinion Owner]

I meant amongst the both

[Asker]

Honestly the married lady is but Tina isn't bad looking either just has last about her and is abit of a plain jane

[Asker]

Less*

[Anonymous]

Bio brother or step brother

[Asker]

Half brother actually. We have the same mother but she remarried after my dad passed and had two other boys with her husband

[Opinion Owner]

Not much you can do then

[MasterKS]

Get him a new girl.