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I asked a coworker what she thought about a man we regularly see at work. ( he doesn’t work there) He’s in his 40s, and she said she wonders if he could be secretly gay because she’s noticed that the way he interacts with other men seems different and more feminine to her.
She also thinks he may be a mama’s boy. His mom requires CNA care, and both he and his father are apparently very involved. My coworker is a CNA and said she finds it unusual that they sometimes stay in the room during very personal care. She said that while she was changing his mom’s brief and cleaning her, he even helped by lifting his mom’s butt cheek so she could wipe her.
I’ve also heard from my boss that his father was incredibly hard on him. His dad owns the business that this man now runs, so even in his 40s, his work and family seem pretty intertwined.
Obviously none of us actually know what goes on in his private life, but based on these dynamics, what impression would you get of him? What do you think his life or family dynamic might be like outside of what we see?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
So if we were to say you shouldn’t be attracted, would you just flip the switch or what? Because last I checked, you can’t turn your feelings on and off like that. What I would say is that it’s silly to base whether or not you like someone off word of mouth, gossip and assumptions. Not first hand experience. I’d say you’re letting too much outside influence dictate your emotions and choices.
True but if he hasn’t approached me or said anything to me I guess it’s pointless to care
If your job aligns with this post and CNA care then understandably he wouldn’t feel comfortable hitting on a woman in such an environment, also taking to consideration that she’s in the middle of work. Likely with other coworkers in vicinity. There’s also the case that he could have things going on in his personal life, romantically and/or otherwise, that you aren’t privy to.
I notice that he does try to be around me… ( I’m not a cna) I don’t work directly with his mother but he does notice me and I do think in a way he likes being around me even though we never held a long conversation … little shy things … I don’t think he has full confidence … his father is a pain and sometimes belittles the staff …. I noticed the past few days he wasn’t in a good mood.. he wasn’t mean but you can tell that something was wrong… I think I have a soft spot for him.. l don’t really think he’s fully attractive, maybe shy/quirky … no other women notice him
Are you any kind of nurse? Or maybe reception? If this is assisted living then I’m not surprised he goes to see his mom often, along with assisting in things like her cleaning and care. In any case, I wouldn’t overthink or put too much thought into his behaviors, because it is outside perspective and he could have his own things going on.
No I do reception and cleaning
Yes he sees her 2-4x out the week and stays for hours
Okay. Well, what I’d ultimately say is that unless you were willing to find some opportunity to exchange information, then it’s probably best not to put feelings into that situation. Mainly because it sounds like your opinion is being formulated around things you’ve heard, along with the general kindness he’s shown you. I was curious how regularly you see this guy because I feel like good rapport just naturally developes if you see someone regularly, and it makes sense to become more comfortable with those people. Your coworker suggesting he’s gay is baseless in my opinion. Simply because he’s kind to the male staff? What about it is feminine? I think some women expect guys to be assholes or something to one another and if it’s too friendly your gay-dar goes up. I don’t see any reason for that in this context.
She said he acts more feminine around men… not friendlier
But I don’t want a man who’s evidently a mamas boy and can’t stand up to his father
Give an example of what more feminine is vs more masculine means, because some women just don’t have a good grip on that and your coworker could have poo for brains. I’d also wonder what entails him being a mama’s boy, because she’s currently in a caretaking facility, and I think it’s cool that he’s on top of her care, not just dump her off how so many people do. Would you think he’s a stand up guy if he never visited? Or didn’t assist when the caretaker isn’t cleaning her properly? From my experience with people in places like this, the family has to stay on top of that shit, otherwise mistreatment and laziness can happen. I only speak on this from experience by the way.
I think a true masculine male is confident and he doesn’t let his father belittle him..
A man visiting and being on top of his mother’s health is beautiful but how does it affect his life and choices? Does she come first when it comes to everything … he’s up there majority of the time… that’s not masculine to me.. I think a man should have his own life while still doing family duties. I don’t see a balance but I understand at 45+ he has heavy obligations… including a business he’s taking over
I believe he’s been married before or possibly still quietly married and they aren’t together but I don’t know… I saw he had a ring on in his facebook profile from 2018…
But he’s also so quirky
Well you look for signs at the drop of a dime that men are gay Chels so of course you’d think a man “overly” tending to his mom would be gay. Then you’re scrutinizing him as if this is a dating show and that’s what told me exactly who was behind this post. You’re just weird with men babe.
But I never thought he was gay until my coworker mentioned it
Since you know everything why do I scrutinize men Holly?
I don’t know everything babe, I just notice a pattern with you once you pick out a new guy that you’re interested in. It doesn’t matter if someone plants a seed, you don’t have to water it with baseless nonsense and allow it to grow. There is nothing gay or feminine about a man who’s there for his elderly, potentially sick parent, man or woman. Just like I’m not sure how it’s gay that he isn’t “standing up to” his dad directly for you and the world to see. He doesn’t owe any of you that.
The word gay or trans is like an immediate switch or trigger for you because you lock that shit into your brain and won’t let it go. The average woman doesn’t do this, but you very noticeable do, to the point that I knew who you were. Only you say shit like this.
Well he doesn’t look at my boobs or butt
That’s common decency Chels not gayness. Not every man wants to check out your body and it is incredible to even make such a deduction. I’ve never caught my fiance so much as giving another woman the time of day, and there’s been plenty of moments over the course of our relationship where I couldn’t seem him do so. Who knows though, that could be the man in questions reason, trying to respect a woman in his life.
Should I just assume he isn’t interested or that he’ll talk to my other coworker who is more bubbly?
See this is why loving a man is so triggering for me and I’m so stupid to think that a man would choose me. Thank you for reminding me that I need to focus on sex work and being money penny aka dirty money
Loving a man? You don’t even know him and this is what’s problematic. Look at all the emotions you’re allowing yourself to go through when a man stops giving you attention, it doesn’t make sense. No woman genuinely wants to be a fcking sex worker I don’t care how you try to paint it. You want a real connection and are doing a terrible job at trying to convince yourself of otherwise.
You’re being way too emotional over even just the idea that he’d give attention to someone else. You’re gonna target your coworker next, probably dig through both of their social medias to see what’s so great about her and why he’d like her more. You have probably already done some investigating work on him.
I can’t handle falling in love with a man so I use my sex work persona as a way for him to be disgusted by me or stop talking to me.. I’m realizing that falling in love or having a crush makes me lose control and feel vulnerable.
Yes, I do crave love and intimacy but I know that I can’t express it or deal with it in a healthy way because I spend more time trying to protect myself if anything goes wrong to avoid what happened in the past. It’s triggering for me. I’ve talked to a therapist about it in the past and she says it’s normal and that I know when I’m going overboard..
I e ruined friendships with friends/ coworkers by simply avoiding them or distancing myself from them to protect myself and I notice this behavior is scary and is only worse when I’m not medicated.
I feel like I’m trying my best to not spiral or be triggered by the possibility of not being liked back and being replaceable
I don’t know, I wish you’d not give up on finding a new therapist. Meds are not solving the problem, just suppressing it for a few hours a day. The issue is still there. You have no clue how to regulate your emotions, or how to properly navigate when something’s bothering you involving a man. All your choices revolve around men, and I just feel like you should want help getting away from that. Like you’ve got the rest of your life to go, you don’t want kids? Or to get married? Just sex work? Come on.
No I don’t think I want that because of my poor self esteem.. I’m not on medication now but it does help. I don’t want to be stuck with kids I don’t like. I like the control that sex work gives.. you evidently didn’t listen to me… and therapy is no help because they don’t know how to help
I am listening to you, but I’m also taking into consideration the fact that you didn’t do the therapy long because you felt unheard. Therapy helps tackle your feelings about sex work and the validation, control or whatever you feel it gives you. There’s other reasons for that.
You get to know him yourself. Don't base anything on what others might say.
Why don’t you just get to know him instead of hearing gossip?
Geez mind your damn business Miss Busybody!
I be bored at work. So no