Advice telling women not to initiate contact with guys they like is really irritating?

[Anonymous]

Hi, so I keep reading advice about how if you like a guy you shouldn't initiate any sort of contact with them because it screams "needy." That really bothers me..actually this article really really made me angry: link . But at the same time I'm like "Is this true?"

A guy I like asked me to hangout and kissed me and then we made out and he kept saying he wanted us to hangout more, and I initated contact the next day just saying I had fun and he said he did too. And then I asked him to hangout but he couldn't because he was busy. And now whenever I bump into him he gives me a hug but nothing happens, and I'm kind of sad he hasn't asked me to hang out when he was the one who originally initiated it and seemed really into me. So now I'm worried I blew it by texting him and stuff and initiating things :[ I don't get what happened...I'm sad about it. I don't want to stop all contact with him so we've been writing back and forth a little bit on Facebook but he's not really engaging me at all :\ Also he's younger and probably not looking for anything serious. But still, why isn't he asking me to hang?

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+1 y

the link I posted didn't work, this is what it says: Here are some things we may think of as “friendly,” that are actually CHASING a man: Calling him before he calls you. This includes calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to or - anything at all.

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+1 y

Initiating contact. E-mailing him, texting him, Facebooking him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact. Making suggestions or plans. Inviting him to come and join you, or in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.

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+1 y

These are things we do almost without even thinking about it. These are things that feel natural to us, and we excuse them by thinking we're just being “friendly.” And at the heart of this is one fear: Feeling like we're going to lose him by not letting him know we're interested in him.


AND, NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.


Everything on this list is the same as putting a sign on your chest that says “Needy.” It smacks of desperation. And, it's just plain not attractive to him.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

The female's major function in the courtship process is to initiate lol :P

That article is very outlandish.

It's pretty much saying - " Don't let the guy know you want to spend time with him, and care enough to call him / text him and have a nice little conversation - or plan dinner and hangout."

How the f*** does that make sense for two people to get to know each other intimately?

There is a HUGE line between being a genuine friendly boyfriend / girlfriend - and being a clingy / needly boyfriend or girlfriend.

Asking your dude about his day or planning a date every so often isn't going to have him begging you for space lol :P Guys do appreciate that you care.

They're humans too who like to feel loved and considered - ( shocking right? :P)

Clingy / needy people take it to the extreme - I'm talking texting / calling 24 - 7, about nothing usually, begging the other person to continuously spend time with them, constantly wanting to do and go wherever their partner does and goes.

Believe me -you'll know when he's annoyed with you and you'll know when it's too much on your part.

[Asker]

hahaha yeah! take that article!

[Verimas]

Yea let's pop it's pixels! I think the writer is a sabatur trying to ruin potential relationships with horrible advice, or they're crazy.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Lol or they're both :P

I hate this idea so much that dudes have to do everything when it comes to dating. It's just so messed up -

[Thermia]

I hate feeling like whatever I do whenever I'm interested in a guy makes me look "needy" or "desperate". It's so stupid. My logic is if you like someone, be yourself. IF you want to call them, call them etc. etc. Just don't go overboard. If the guy ends up being not interested, it's hardly your fault. Gosh the whole 'girls should never initiate' topic is so frustrating to me and makes me angry.

[zinclozenges]

Same thing happened to me! I thought we had a great time. And when I initiated a hang out he said he was busy. It sucks. But I think it's good for women to initiate conversations and dates sometimes because men can be shy and unsure.

[Asker]

I don't know what to do because when I bumped into him again it was at a party and toward the end I couldn't find him to say bye so I texted him bye and he wrote back "ah you're leaving? damnit." but then they next day I saw him after inviting him to come to a party and he showed up and gave me a hug and ignored me.. :[ I don't wanna let it go I kinda wanna straight out be like "so do you wanna hang?" but I don't know if that's really bad..

[zinclozenges]

That's the best and only thing to do: be straight up. He's not interested anymore if he says anything other then yes.

[Asker]

yeah id rather know that he's not interested for sure so I can move on. It's so annoying wondering! thanks :]

[zinclozenges]

You're welcome, I hope it works out for the best. Be bold and just ask!

[Verimas]

That's the worst dating advice I've ever seen! Seriously who wants the girl to act like she's uninterested and unfriendly? If a girl liked me and followed that "advice" I'd stop initiating to she if she missed me and started initiating, and if she didn't I'd give up on her because if she liked me at all shed initiate things too. And I don't care if tradition say the guy is supposed to initiate and girls can't, that's a dumb tradition we need to hit rid of and replace with a new one, where both genders initiate things and there's no moronic stereotypes attached to them like "if a girl is friendly or nice that means she's needy or easy" I hope people stop holding on to archaic traditions like a bunch of primitive oafs and join us in the 21st century.

[sammerlysate]

A man has to be very immature to be turned off by a woman showing interest in him. I'm a man, so maybe my psychology isn't the same as boys. Still, there are ways to show interest and still have the man initiate. Start conversation with him. Touch his arm, elbow to let him know you want his attention when you're speaking & he looks away. Stand close to him when interacting, so he knows you feel comfortable with him & trust him. Things like this might let him take notice of you when he otherwise wouldn't. It's worked with me, and maybe it is a little more comfortable than being asked out directly by a woman because it doesn't put me on the spot.

[john5246]

Stop reading those type of articles, they're written by people who are virgin's and want to make money by writing articles that will get people's attention.

Most of the people writing articles are old people, they are writers! They prob write these articles then they go and re-read the entire Lord of the Rings series (they prob never go out, date, or do anything, you don't know who the author is or anything about him/her)

Why don't you behave based on what works for you and what doesn't rather than relying on a magazine written be fools for entertainment.

[Stunned_Mullet]

Well I found it personally refreshing when I was approached by a lady who was into me, and as a note, we are still together and it is the longest relationship I have ever had, and to think that prior to her moving in on me, I in my mind had placed her well out of my league, just goes to show.

[Asker]

for my situation I don't know what to do because when I bumped into him again it was at a party and toward the end I couldn't find him to say bye so I texted him bye and he wrote back "ah you're leaving? damnit." but then they next day I saw him after inviting him to come to another party and he showed up and gave me a hug and ignored me.. :[ I don't wanna let it go I kinda wanna straight out be like "so do you wanna hang?" but I don't know if that's really bad..

[Stunned_Mullet]

okay in my situation it was pretty funny, I was working the room ,my single mo is a numbers game, I usually try to meet every one in a room and introduce the different groups and people to one another, people been how they are usually ended with me fetching up with some one by evenings end, that or an entire plethora of phone numbers to be discarded. But this evening I noticed a lady doing the exact same thing, but she had in tow an extremely gorgeous looking guy who was well turned out to boot.

[Stunned_Mullet]

We finally met mid evening near the dance floor and she introduced herself we were both talkers so we hit it off straight away, but she introduced ,now I was lip reading "this is my boy friend" and I shook hands with the hunk, nodded to both of them and proceeded to walk back to playing the room, thou she did look kind of confused when I did. Later in the evening we kept on bumbing into one another, and for some god awful reason she kept on ending our talks by introducing her boy friend.

[Stunned_Mullet]

Finally come evenings end I was at the door seeing people off and being my jovial self and she stormed up to me with the hunk in tow, "hey you ,yeah you, what's your problem?" I looked at her some what abashed, as she seemed ticked off and some what tipsy, she points at me then points at her hunk "thats my gay friend! and I've been throwing myself at you all night" she was extremely cute when she was pissed off by the way. So I immediately apologized and offered to make it up to her by a dance.

[Anonymous]

I think it's OK if a woman initiates contact in certain situations. The reason some say a girl shouldn't initiate is because it was a tradition for the guy to court a girl, that's why they say men are hunters. These days a lot of guys are unsure and insecure and also some women give mixed signals and/or play head games, so it's good for some guys when a woman initiates. Times are changing in the way relationships are started, so why hold back because of a tradition that's becoming out dated.

[Anonymous]

The only part of that article I agree with is for the girl NOT to ask the guy what he's feeling. Other than that, most guys would be relieved beyond belief if the girl did some of the approaching.

[Asker]

I wish all dudes felt like this. Man, I'm so bummed..I hate that by presenting myself as open to hanging it's considered to mean I'm desperate or something...Like no I'm not desperate but I happen to think you're a cool person.

[Opinion Owner]

link

[Asker]

hmm thanks

[Anonymous]

the guy doesn't know what he wants (possibly he's too young).

Having said that, let me tell you you didn't do anything wrong! You left the ball on his court and you did it very well! Now it's time for him to man up before you find someone else to hang out with!

[Asker]

hahaha aww thank you! :)

[Asker]

i'm so bummed...so I overheard his friend telling someone that the guy I like was at some girls house and he "wants her to be his girlfriend."...Did he meet her like 5 minutes after acting super into me? what the hell :[

[AndyTheG]

If a girl approaches me, I give her respect for the balls she's demonstrating. A lot of men aren't brave enough to do the same, so that tells me this girl is adventurous, and not afraid. Which automatically scores points :D

[sweet_18]

well every time I have done the initiating and made an effort, it has never worked out for me because the guy ends up losing interest

[moviedude714]

tell me about it, geeze but I just adapt

[ihatetakingcharge]

stupid, dumb advice

[defytraditiongirl]

yeah it is wrong