Why does it turn girls off so much when a guy is desperate, needy, and trying too hard to get a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Seriously, why do girls despise guys who are desperate, needy, and trying or looking too hard to get a girlfriend? It really frustrates me and depresses me, because I am a 21 year old guy, I have been single my entire life, never had a girlfriend. Also I know a guy who is 25 and never had a girlfriend, and a guy who is 36 and always been single, never had a girlfriend, how do you think those guys feel? Seriously, it seems like it's okay for girls to be desperate, be depressed, feel sorry for themselves, but it's not okay for guys. What I mean is that if a girl is depressed about being single, and is desperate for a boyfriend, it will not hurt her as much compared to a guy who is depressed about being single, and desperate to have his first girlfriend. It seems like there is never an excuse for a guy to be depressed and frustrated about being single, to be desperate, no matter what the situation the guy is in. That is one of the unnecessary unfair evil things about life

I don't know if I am extremely desperate or trying too hard, my problem is that I really do want a girlfriend because I've never had one, I do get lonely, and it gets frustrating seeing other couples out there in the world that are younger than me. I think about having and wanting a girlfriend everyday of my life, it depresses and frustrates me so much that I have a hard time getting to sleep at night, that it makes me procrastinate and not do well in school academically. I'm sorry, well it is very hard to have this attitude if you have been single your whole life. C'mon, 21 years old is a bit too old and a bit too late for still being single, most people have their first boyfriend/girlfriend in the teenage years, in high school, like at ages 15 or 16. I don't like being different, I hate being a late bloomer.

It's not that I have not tried taking the initiative into getting a girl to date me or be my girlfriend, I have tried many times, but every girl I end up being interested in and asking out always has a boyfriend already, that is how it is most of the time. The other times girls have rejected me for letting me have their real phone number but they never answered their phone or called me back, never texted me back, so I obviously took the hint that they were not interested in me.

I never try to be like someone else just to get a girl's approval, I am always just being myself, when I get a girls number, I do not call or text her more than once a day, I call her text like once every 3 to 4 days, just to show her I have a life.

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So I don't know if I am still single because I am desperate, trying too hard and looking too hard, or maybe I am not going out enough, because I will admit, I am not an outgoing person, I usually just go to school and come out, no parties, etc.

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Also I am short for a guy, I am 5'6 or 5'7, I weigh 182lbs, I wear Vans shoes, jeans, Volcom, Billabong, Quiksilver T-Shirts. Anyway, if I do sound desperate, how can I stop being desperate for my first girlfriend?

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Does a guy have to love being single, and not want a girlfriend in order for him to get one?

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SOMETIMES I WISH I CAN KICK A WOMAN'S ASS FOR REJECTING ME!, BECAUSE OF THE REASON TEXT151 SAID, OR BEAT UP HER BOYFRIEND OUT OF JEALOUSY, ANGER!

[tex151]

Dude from reading your post, you sound like a girl. Women could really care less about what you wear trust me on this if they don't like it they will let you know. Now don't walk around wearing clothes that scream I could careless about my appearce or anything, such as shirts with grease, mustard stains, ect.

You are playing a role reversal card here, you are acting all desperate and complaing and bascially acting like a girl, if you act like that around women, as in calling her all the time textng her trying way to hard, your not going to get anywhere with them, but the thing is women can do that all they want, and let them when they do. It just simply means she's interested in you, but if you do that it means wow this guy is desperate, desperate means weak and lame, not sexy not fun, not a guy she wants to be with.

Guess what I am single and not 15, but I choose to be at the moment, because girls call me all the time to hang out with them, and yes to have sex. Point is to most women, a desperate guy might be cute but only seen as a friend, so there's one reason. Look women are looking for a man, someone who will be there for her when she gets all emotional and stuff, she wants to be held in your arms, she doesn't want to hold you in her arms. Being desperate is not a good thing to be, if women wanted to date a girl they would be lesbians, but most aren't and they want a man, a big dog, not a puppy. If you understand that you slowly on the road to recovery.

[Asker]

Well I can still be that guy, I will still fight and stand up for my girlfriend, if I had one right now. I am just desperate for a girls approval, and then I will do all the things she expects from a man. I will pay for her on dates, I will open doors for her, I will buy her flowers, I will massage her feet, I will be there for her when she needs me. So how can I stop being desperate and making myself look needy?

[Asker]

Man, it sounds like for all women, there is never an excuse for a guy being weak, whether it is physically or mentally. It seems like girls always want the guy to be in control of everything, like it sort of sounds like they enjoy the guy dominating them, like they want to be their man's slave.

[frustratedchump06]

i hate all the f***in' work men have to do in relationships

[chettah-two]

You need to build confidence so that you realise it is okay to be single at 21.

Most guys at my age don't have GF.

Anyhow you need to go out more. And start meeting more people.

Focus on making female friends because from experience girls bring other girls.

I don't know the psychology behind it but I find I meet more women when I go out with my female FRIENDS than with my guy friends...

Also focus on making on bettering other aspects of your life...

[Asker]

Yeah but most people have been in a relationship, or had a boyfriend/girlfriend before the age 21, meanwhile, I have not.

[chettah-two]

So what, its only a problem if you make it into one... like you said, you have to love being single and be content with your life..

[Asker]

I am just asking if that is true, do I have to not be looking for a girlfriend in order to get one? do I have to just keep my mouth shut whenever I am around women? That does not make sense, because it is the man's job to get himself into a relationship, women just have to approve of the date or relationship, women are not going to initiate anything.

[chettah-two]

In a way yeah, but you are going to the extreme here

What you need is to focus on making friends particularly female friends.

You sort of have to put "find a GF" at the back of your mind... Just say to yourself I'm meeting people for fun.

[Asker]

Yeah but remember, us guys have to initiate the date and relationship, we have to make it happen, we have to approach the girl, make all the moves, and ask her out, the girl basically just waits, and approves or denies, that's all. So does that mean I have to stop asking girls out?

[chettah-two]

Atm.. yeah.

Just focus on making friends..

Do not try to hit on a girl or anything, just make FRIENDS.

When you start saying I love being single, one will come along your way...

At times they is no need to rush it...

[Asker]

Yeah but if I make friends with girls, I could get stuck in the "friend zone", and I don't want that. When you mean making friends, you mean just making friends with guys only? Maybe I would love being single if I had been in a relationship before, but since I haven't, it is very tough.

[chettah-two]

Write now you are not ready to have a girlfriend..

im saying make friend with girls, just to be friends, NOTHING ELSE.

Her friends will like you in a different way, its like "her sarah, meet John.." and you will be nice to sarah, but your interactions with your female friend are attractive to Sarah.. It shows you can have female friends, meaning you are not needy.

Women and men like to feel as if they got you, even when you could have got anyone else

[Asker]

Why do you think I am not ready?

[chettah-two]

Because you are DESPERATE and NEEDY, "It really frustrates me and depresses me, because I am a 21 year old guy........" you'll not make informed decisions meaning it could be ANY girl that just likes you..

Give it time probably six months of just making friends.......

[Asker]

Well I have every right to be desperate and needy, besides I am just doing my job by taking the initiative to pursue girls, girls are never going to approach guys and ask them out, at least it is very rare when they do. Plus I don't like to be friends with girls who have a boyfriend already, that is just a waste of time.

[chettah-two]

Are you serious!!!!!!!!!

You be needy and desperate all you want and GOOD LUCK..

Why is it a waste of time of being friend with girls who have BF.. it's just friends.. MAYBE THATS WHY You ARE SINGLE..

Read the whole thing as to why you should be friends...

Also play a game with yourself of guessing who is single and not.... then say "dont take it the wrong way, I'm trying this psychological thing... you have a Boyfriend or you have a GF:) ..u are single"

[Asker]

The reason why it is a waste of time of being friends with a girl who has a boyfriend is because you won't get to hang out with them or sleep with them, you won't get to actually go places with them.

[chettah-two]

So be friends with other people!!!!

[Asker]

So just guys I should be friends with? no thanks, I am not gay.

[Anonymous]

Why does it turn girls off so much when a guy is desperate, needy, and trying too hard to get a girlfriend?

Well when I first meet someone he...

has to be both an aggressive and laid back type of guy, if that makes any sense. He also has to be good looking; He must dress and act well, and have great humor and personality and intelligance. If he's too needy that's like smothering and creepy to me and I don't like it at all. It's a major turn off! I go for a guy who (more or less) knows all the right things to say (player or not), and hasn't come off as needy. I look for those signs all the time.

Tip: Never lay all your cards out. Tell the girl you like her YES or want to see her, but don't go too far off on the deep in (displaying all your emotions) its too early for all that. You'll look weird. Be cool! Feel out the situation before jumping in wholeheartedly.

If I were you (but I am not a boy) I would focus on going out more regardless of how I feel about not going out. You never know who you'll meet so get your guy friends together and out with you. Trust that you'll gain practice and confidence (with their help) as you meet girls. It'll help you. Give it a try once or twice a week for now.

[Asker]

What kind of things do you want the guy to say to you and what not to say? what type of questions should he ask and what should he not ask? Overall, how do you want a guy to approach and talk to you?

[Opinion Owner]

When I find a guy interesting it is in his approach and natural conversation that instantly attracts me. I'm telling you in a matter of seconds a girl knows if she is wasting her time or not with you. So be cool and be you. Say something about yourself (or find humor) that can interest her in the few minutes or seconds you meet her. It won't hurt if your appearance is up to par as well. The trigger is to keep her there and smiling and then exchange numbers. Don't be too long. Let her wonder more

[Asker]

Why do you think desperation turns women off more than it does men? This is how I see it, if a woman is desperate, the man will be turned off and will not want to have a relationship with her, but he will still have sex with her, but for a woman, if a man is desperate, she won't want to do anything with him at all, nothing, period!

[nana522]

Its not that its okay for girls to be desprate and not guys. Overall for anyone being desperate is not attractive. try to be more confidant in yourself and know that its okay to be single. Relashionships hit you when you least expect it, in the meanwhile try to work on things that you enjoy while being single. Or try to make a couple more friends and not stress over not having a girlfriend. Before you know it someone will come into your life, but if you keep thinking about it all the time and making yourself sick over it all that's going to do is make your life so much worse. So just try to be confidant in yourself and find the positive things in being single. Also I have found that if your just friends with someone first it makes the transition to a relashionship so much easier and better. Hope I helped :)

[Asker]

Yeah but the guy usually has to make it happen, the guy has to initiate the date and relationship, seeing each other process, starting all the conversations. The guy has to make all the initial moves in order to make the girl attracted to him, and get her approval. It's very hard to be confident since I have always been single, I don't what else to do to make my life more happy and satisfactory.

[Asker]

Since you are girl, you know that, you expect and wait for the guy to initiate, you don't bother making the first move and asking a guy out, am I right?

[nana522]

No one can 'make things happen' they just do. Yeah usually its the guy who makes the first move but you shouldn't do that unless you feel as if you already have a connection with that person. All I'm saying is maybe try not to be looking for a romantic relashionship, instead look for a friend (girl) that way you don't feel pressured. A lot of times relationships come out of friendships. And you don't need to have already had a girlfriend to be confidant. Girls look for confidance.Theres nothing then

[Asker]

Well I have a very hard time being able to tell if a girl is interested in me, like I can't tell the difference if she is just being friendly, or if she is actually interested in me, likes me either as a friend or more than a friend, I am unable to tell the difference.

[nana522]

Thats hard everyone goes through that, I would just spend more time with them and get to know them better. The better you get to know someone the easier it is to pick up on those sorts of things

[Asker]

Another thing that always frustrates me, which I have gone through, is that girls who have boyfriends already, are more talkative, like when there is a girl I think is pretty and cute, and I want to go up and talk to her, she is usually easy to start a conversation with, like she reciprocates, then when I ask her what she likes to do for fun, she never mentions or brings up her boyfriend in the conversation, she only mentions she has a boyfriend when I ask her out. Why do girls do this?

[nana522]

Just because a girl has a boyfriend doesn't mean she has to constantly talk about him. If a girl came straight out and told you she had a boyfriend it would seem defensive. They probably think your a nice freindly guy they don't automatically think you want them and that they should let you know straight out if they have a boyfriend

[Asker]

Yeah but still, if a girl, how can I avoid flirting and approaching girls who have a boyfriend already? Because if a girl engages me in the conversation, reciprocates, asks me questions about myself, etc. How can I tell if she is just being friendly, like she only see's me as a nice and friendly person, or if she actually likes me? I am tired of flirting with girls, even if I had a great conversation with them, and then I find out I had a boyfriend, it makes me feel I wasted my time.

[nana522]

Theres really no way to know unless you just straight out ask them (which I don't reccomend) you just need to test the waters with different girls. dating and finding someone to date is a process, your not the only one who has to go through this so don't think your alone. also girls don't have it as easy as you think, its hard for us too.

[Asker]

How come you don't recommend if I ask those girls if they have a boyfriend or not? Also how is it hard for you girls?

[Takkunlee]

It's not okay for either a guy nor a girl to be needy or desperate. It's not a matter of "not wanting a girlfriend" or "loving being single". It's more a matter of not needing another person to make yourself happy. Just stop trying so hard. Talk to a girl and just focus on having a good conversation, don't try to rush it. And you need to go out places in order to meet girls, unless you'd prefer online dating.

[Asker]

How can I stop trying so hard? does that mean I have to stop approaching, talking to girls, asking them, overall, stop socializing with girls completely?

[Takkunlee]

Nope. Socialize but not too much. When you talk to girls don't talk too much, keep it short and sweet. Maybe talk for sometime then say "It was nice talking to you but I've got something I've got to get to. Could I have your number so we could talk another time?" That gives them just enough to be interested and they'll be chasing you instead of you chasing them.

[Asker]

How do I know if I am socializing too much? how do I know if I am trying too hard and I am sounding and looking desperate? what are the signs in which girls can tell a guy is desperate? I want to know if I am doing that, that way I can undo them.

[Takkunlee]

You're doing it right now. Just calm down and be yourself. Stop over analyzing. Girls can tell when a guy is trying too hard because he's trying to be everything that he's not to impress a girl.

[Asker]

So what can I do then? how do I be myself more correctly?

[hearts_TI]

But its the same thing do you want a depressed girl?

And also when we date desperate guys it doesn't make us feel like were wanted its hard to explain but its not the best feeling in the world.