The Do's and Don'ts of Emotional Control

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Emotional control is an important skill to have. It keeps you from saying or doing things you'll regret, ruining relationships, and just keeping yourself from hurting the feelings of others.

Do: Learn when to bite your tongue

Society put a decent amount of emphasis on not biting your tongue when things bother you. People who do this are seen as 'weak' or 'pushovers'. While this is true for people who do this all the time, many of the strongest and most assured people know when to keep quiet.

It's important to always consider the consequences when saying negative or argumentative things. Consider the reasons why you wish to say those things. Do you need to be that harsh? Can you make the same points without anger or insults? Will not giving your opinion cause something to go wrong? Is it really worth hurting the other person? Why am I doing this?
Asking these and questions like these before lashing out is important and a behavior that should be practiced. I'm not going to be overly idealistic and say "You should never say anything mean!" because that's not good. Sometimes it's important to be a little mean, but it's even more important to know when to not be mean.

Don't: Ignore or run from your emotions

Hiding your emotions is often confused with hiding or running from your emotions, but that's not it at all. The first step to controlling your emotions is facing them. Admit that you have them. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed of negative or irrational emotions. Don't try to pretend that you don't have ridiculous emotions.

Be aware of your emotional issues. Do you get angry over little things? Do break down crying when you do even the littlest thing wrong? Be aware of them when they're happening and when they're not happening.

Do: Learn what is and isn't a big deal

A huge part of emotional control is being aware of what is and isn't important. Be empathetic with both yourself and others. Did someone say something rude? Is it worth screaming at them? Is it worth breaking down in tears? You're allowed to scream, cry and be upset, but questioning what is and isn't a big deal is important.

Question everything that makes you upset. Question what the consequences of being upset are.

Don't: Ignore slight or mild annoyances

A big reason many people lash out is because of all the little things bugging them. Deal with these issues and annoyances when they come. Calm yourself down, even if you're not that upset.

This is something even many people who are quite emotionally controlled deal with. We don't see these things as any more than mild irritations, so we ignore them and allow them to build up.

Do: Practice empathy

Practicing and getting better at being empathetic will help you gain emotional control. Be aware of others problems and perspectives. It helps to relate yourself to others. You think about things, you question the universe, you have amazing ideas, you say stupid things, you feel insecure, you've hated, you've loved, and so has everyone else. Every living, breathing human you see on the street does those things. They may do doing things right now. Take time to be truly aware of all those other people around. All those strangers with emotions, thoughts and stories. All those strangers that you help, hurt, annoy or inconvenience without even knowing. Being very aware of this helps keep some emotions in check.

Don't: Give up

Emotional control is tricky and no one is perfect. You'll mess up, yell, break down and feel horrible about it, but that's no reason to give up on bettering yourself. Making a couple of mistakes doesn't make you hopeless. Remind yourself that you're strong and that you can improve yourself. It takes time and effort, but you can do it.

The Do's and Don'ts of Emotional Control
The Do's and Don'ts of Emotional Control
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