Learning not to get too emotionally attached

[LiaRaven]

Getting emotionally attached to someone is something most of us do without even realizing it. We meet someone who makes us feel seen, understood, or happy, and before we know it, we start depending on them emotionally. This isn’t always a bad thing. Emotional connections are part of being human. But sometimes, when we get too attached, we lose ourselves. We stop thinking clearly. We put our happiness in someone else’s hands. That’s when it becomes a problem.

Why I Wanted to Let Go of Emotional Attachment

There came a point when I realized I was getting too emotionally attached to people. I would meet someone new and feel instantly connected. I’d invest my time, energy, and emotions quickly, sometimes before really knowing the person. And when things didn’t work out, I’d feel hurt, confused, and empty. I started to notice a pattern. I was giving too much of myself too soon, and it left me feeling drained. I began to ask myself, why do I get so attached, and how can I stop?

What Helped Me

Here are the things that really helped me:

1. Take your time

I don’t rush into emotional closeness anymore. I give myself time to get to know someone without getting too involved too fast.

2. Set boundaries

I make sure to protect my space, limit how much I share early on, and not let the other person take over my thoughts or time.

3. Stay grounded in reality

I remind myself that no one is perfect. I try to see people as they really are, not who I hope they’ll be.

4. Put myself first

I spend time doing what I enjoy and focus on building my own happiness, so I’m not depending on someone else for it.

5. Let go of control

I accept that I can’t control how others feel or how things will end. Some people are temporary, and that’s okay.

What I’m Still Learning

I’m still learning how to care without clinging. I still catch myself getting too invested sometimes. But now I know I don’t have to lose myself just to love or be close to someone. I can enjoy the moment, stay true to myself, and let things unfold naturally. Avoiding emotional attachment isn’t about shutting people out. It’s about making sure I stay whole, even when I let others in.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"Emotional connections are part of being human. But sometimes, when we get too attached, we lose ourselves. We stop thinking clearly. We put our happiness in someone else’s hands. That’s when it becomes a problem."

I followed the very same reasoning, for a while, and then crossed the path of two schools of thought in psychology, Humanistic psychology, a recent school of thought. That was before I start digging psychoanalysis, which brought me a lot more information about me and the others. Both schools gave me core ideas that I still carry, since 10 years:

What if being too attached was just normal, contextually, in your life? What if emotional attachment wasn't the problem despite what the zeitgeist says about it? What if the problem wasn't to be too attached to someone, but instead to be not enough attached to yourself. Which would be a protection against the downsides of symbiosis while keeping the upsides alive. This is where psychoanalysis, another school of thought, helped me a lot. What if I was loving "too much" because I needed it, because that is simply my fate since infancy, for familial reasons that are beyond the point here. I do love passionately, and I'm facing the risks you're facing, and I lost myself, probably twice. Looking back, I stopped believing that emotional attachment was the problem, because it's who I am and I'm not a problem myself, I am what I am.

So I propose this: What if you could make peace with that something-within-you wanting to give everything for love. What if you would stay who you are, with just a twist. Accepting that you're loving a lot, accepting what crosses your mind, what fires up your heart, but refusing to lose sight of yourself, this time, for the next relationship, for the next time you want to give all.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

And I think you're already on this path, but, just in case, I want to stress this point where emotional attachment wouldn't be the problem.

[overlord337645]

this resonates so much with me a few months back I did this with someone I liked and it ended badly but looking back I realize that it was a good learning experience and I learned more about myself includeing that as soon as it ended badly I somehow stopped caring I dont know how it works for you but I hope it all goes well and you remember that sometimes what we want so badly from others is something we have so much of already

[FreyaRed]

Get rid of any emotion especially toward yourself, because emotion towards others are result of emotion you have towards yourself.
Every person has the desire to be loved and to be treated specially by someone else, this is part of our ego to feel special. Some people give you this feel, some give it because it's mutual but others know exactly what you want and pretend just to be person who give you that. It's difficult to find out what type of person is your partner because you want to believe it's mutual and equal. However when you get rid of the desire being loved, adored, getting attention and affection for a while you will easily figure out who you partner is. You will easily recognize how cheap the game of most people who just pretend is.

[Genie23]

Thank you. This was quite insightful. I needed this as I did get affected because I got emotionally attached. So, since then I've been very distant from people. Don't even let new people in but I think your Take will help me allow people in my life without being attached to them.

[princeofromance]

People tend to get too emotionally attached all too often in today's world. We need to learn to put our mental and physical health first and foremost.

[Emmytexrex]

I was like this too I get emotionally attached quickly with friends and relationships but when I discovered the pattern the e funniest part now is that people think I am a robot unable to show emotions at all scared and shocked if I am a human lol I don't show emotions easily when I do it's mystery lol

[Valdemort]

Why is what happens when anxious people get so used to being sidelined by avoidants, they become avoidants themselves.

[Valdemort]

*which

[molonski2]

I agree with you , excellent analysis.

I was like this too , but it was many many years ago , I could be emotionally involved in 1 week , certainly that stopped long ago.

[SotiCoto]

I learnt something better: It is easier than you think to break emotional attachment.
Who even cares if you get "emotionally attached" when it is so easy to reverse the process?

[bddddd]

Learning to get emotionally attached is a more valuable skill. Emotional detachment in a work environment makes sense. In a personal environment, lead with your heart. Just my view.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I have the inverse philosophy.
People should be open books and let attachments happen naturally.
Worrying about it is silly.

[exitseven]

I try not to get attached to anyone. I wonder if I missed out?

[Anonymous]

I feel heard and seen. Thank you for this MyTake, I hope I'll arrive there some time too.

[Priya99999]

I have this urge to get to know a guy.. so maybe I will invest emotionally

[7Phoenix7]

This is great 🩷