Prepare The Mind
When you hear that you are to have your first upper endoscopy you immediately think of the prospect of someone shoving a hosepipe down your throat. You think of your gag mechanism (not to be confused with the GaG mechanism which is basically dick pics and angst). You think about how unnatural the procedure sounds and you wish that you'd practised your deep throat technique a little more diligently
As the appointment draws nearer you think hmm, maybe I would rather just not do this. I mean sure, I like the hospital attire but the choking and vomiting don't appeal so much...
The Day Arrives
You wake up and if you're lucky you have a morning appointment because no food or drink for you until this shit is done. You shower and dress with all the excitement of a death row inmate and you make your way to the hospital. You park, you check in, you are lead to a waiting room. You answer some questions for the nurse and she gives you your drool proof gown. You put it on and sit with the other poor schmucks, who look equally as dapper as you in their hospital issue gowns
The Time Cometh
Your turn comes. Off you go on that final walk to the gallows. You whistle sad songs and think of your family. A room full of people in scrubs greet you and you lay down on the bed. Blood pressure cuff on the arm, pulse oximeter on the finger, oxygen tube under the nose. The throat spray is administered and it tastes like a banana and screenwash cocktail. Your throat goes numb. Then they fit you with the mouth guard, which doubles as a low budget ball gag.
This allows the doctor an easier route for the endoscopic camera past your teeth and tongue. Next up is the sedative. Not everyone will have a sedative. We call those people "mental".
Midazolam, also known as Versed, is a sedative that prompts relaxation and can invoke anterograde amnesia, which is the inability to make new memories. In an ideal world you lose all memory of the events following the injection of midazolam until such time as it wears off. This doesn't always happen though I've had that experience before and it was like I'd been asleep, even though I hadn't.
So, the cannula is inserted into the arm and the midazolam is injected.
A couple of minutes are allowed for the drug to kick in and then it's game on. This time I did not get the amnesia effect, I was fully aware but nicely relaxed. In goes the camera on hosepipe and to my surprise, no gagging, no choking, no nothing. Maybe I did indeed deep throat some bananas in a past life ..
The doctor narrates what is going on with comments such as "I'm in your duodenum now". You are tempted to say "Warn me when you're going to cum" but you have a mouth full of tube and ball gag.
Within 5 minutes it's all over, the tube is slowly pulled out (which feels like a lumpy burp) and you're off to the recovery room!
All in all, a walk in the park. 10 minutes to rid yourself of the drowsiness and a lift home from some gullible person.
Should you find yourself scheduled for an upper endoscopy any time in the future, don't stress. It's not a big deal.
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