Breaking the cycle - An open discussion about depression

Ez-Bri-Z

Depression is something I have dealt with my entire life and many millions more in this world face the same daily struggles themselves. While I don't feel there is as big of a social stigma as there used to be, it still does still exist. I am writing today to maybe break some of that stigma down even further and open dialogue into the subject.

I am sure for those who suffer through it, you are used to hearing things such as; you should just try smiling more, find a therapist, get on pills for it, just get away and take time for yourself, just get over it, and many other types of "advice". It would be great if things worked that way, wouldn't it? For those who know somebody who does deal with depression, it's hard to understand sometimes why they could even be upset. They have a great career, family, or maybe fame and fortune. What could they possibly be sad about?

I have a great wife and kids that I love dearly. I have a successful career. I have my own home and vehicle. Still, it makes no difference when it comes to my depression. I carry a lot of self hate about who I am and how I see myself in comparison to others. For every nice thing someone says about me or anything creative I put out there, I find two more reasons why they are wrong and are just being nice. For every successful goal I complete, I remind myself I just got lucky to finish it at all.

We all deal with depression differently. Some find ways to treat it and improve. Some push it down inside and carry on as if nothing was wrong until they can't find a way to push it down any more. Some suffer and do nothing at all. Unfortunately, there are some who take a more permanent solution of ending the pain.

I am the kind of person who hides mine with humor. I find it easy to make people smile and a lot of times I find a measure of happiness just seeing them happy. In my darkest times, I push it down before I hit a cycle where it becomes too large for me to deal with. I push everyone away, think dark thoughts and then eventually come out of it ready to be social again. I have a great circle of friends who know that I am hitting one of those cycles and they keep an eye on me when they notice it. I have been truly blessed to have friends like them, but I have hurt way too many people with that method. Not everyone has that option though and even those who do may not be fully reachable even by those friends. Recently, it all became too much for me and I tried to find my own permanent solution despite my friends trying desperately to get me to stop.

I am not looking for sympathy, in fact, it might even make it worse. I am writing this to break the stigma of talking about depression openly, but I am also writing it to hold myself accountable to never take that course again. I am writing it so those here who read it who suffer or know somebody who does, hold themselves accountable to not take that measure either.

So, the question becomes "Well, how do we fix the problem?" and the answer is, I don't know. There is no perfect solution that is a one size fits all. What I do know is for both those suffering and for those who are wanting to help, the best thing you can have is patience. It is a SLOW process to work through that may take several forms of therapy to get there. Some won't work for you and that's ok. Take your first step and ask for help. Find something that works and if you hit a setback take another step forward, then another and another until you find something that works. For me, my first step was talking to strangers on a social media app as weird as it sounds. I get both positive and negative responses on my stances in life, but that's alright by me. I am talking to people and I am getting my feelings out. This is what works for me for now. It won't be my only step, but it is my first one.

Finally, for those who do suffer from depression, I need you to remember one thing. No matter what your head tells you, you are not alone.

If you or a loved one is considering drastic measures for dealing with depression, please try to talk to someone first.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

1-800-273-8255

Please reach out to someone before taking any drastic measures.
Please reach out to someone before taking any drastic measures.
Breaking the cycle - An open discussion about depression
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anonymous
    This was well written I'm generally a happy person this doesn't apply to me but I know someone who is depressed, extremely cheery in person but she cuts herself I'd like her to stop I don't know how and I'm a bit introverted I guess but since you might be able to share her perspective (granted your situation may not be as extreme) if you had a friend that wanted to help what would you want them to do or what are some nice things that your friends have done?
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      I have definitely been down the self harm path before.

      It's a weird codependency where I both want them there to help me but also I want them to not bother me because I feel like a burden to them.

      When I made my own attempt on my life, I had one of my best friends start playing phone tree to get someone here at my side.

    • Anonymous

      So help create a support structure and show her she's never been a burden one problem though I can't think of a way to show her she isn't a burden without it seeming weird and or (since I'm a guy and she's a girl) misinterpreted.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      I dont find it weird when people say it to me. I always feel like a burden

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Most Helpful Girl

  • loves2learn
    ❤️❤️❤️❤️
    .
    Much love.
    .
    I’ve had dark days with my anxiety and depression.
    .
    Thank you for destigmatizing it.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      You're very welcome. I figure I failed in my attempt for a reason so I'm just going to try and work through my stuff and see if I can help others come forward and talk about their experiences instead of pushing it down like I did.

    • Definitely. I went 36 years without a diagnosis, but it’s very clear to me I’ve had these my whole life.

      When I finally got my diagnosis my life flashed before my eyes and I realized everything weird or quirky about me is due to my anxiety disorder. That was an intense realization, connecting things that seemed unconnected.

      And when my anxiety acts up, my depression does too. Double whammy.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Just in case anyone happens by and reads these, what advice would you give to work through those dark moments, if you don't mind me asking.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • ChrisMaster69
    Really good write up.

    I've found a lot of people use social media for mental health ‘assistance’, chatting etc.

    I joined in February just to get my head some living space.

    it’s a bit early here, however the following link has some decent stuff on mental health.

    journals do work.

    https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications
  • friendzoned4life
    I Promised you to read this so am gonna answer to this in a very direct way like we do over here in the Netherlands

    I Have also dealt with depression and as you noticed by answering my questions I still sometimes fall back in to it

    The worst I been was standing next to the train tracks. Pushing myself to jump. I Don't why I did it but I reached out to someone that wasn't even a friend at that moment. He talked me trough it and I decided to get in the train instead of infront of it.

    This was 4 years ago on the night my until now 2nd and last girlfriend Just replaced me with someone else. So I had 3 hours of busses and trains to be replaced. I Just was really tempted te get infront of them instead of in somehow my fear of death was bigger than the pain

    I Had been on the waiting list for therapy for a while the next month I started. For me it worked partly.

    I Also Needed too start reading to get happy with myself. I was Lucky I Just found out about Jordan B. Peterson. His book 12 rules for life: an antidote to chaos. Was Just exactly what I needed at that moment.

    Did that together cure my depression yes partly cause I also had actual reasons too be depressed there was a way of fixing it.

    If you don't have any and still are depressed I Just hope you can find something to blame for it. Most People that are depressed don't even know what they are depressed about. It won't work for everyone for me it was fixing my lifestyle so when covid came I crashed again.
    All I did that kept me happy Just disappeard instantly.

    So when I read about the New book of JBP I Just pre-ordered it now when ever I feel down or can't sleep I read a bit tonight I will start the 3rd chapter

    So even if you can't find a way to cure your depression, there is almost always a way to learn to live with it.

    For me it is the books of this guy but I know how to cure it now for me Personally.

    If you think you have no reason to be depressed Just blame something for it if you fix that it maybe will help

    Nothing is certain when it comes to depression
  • exitseven
    Yes, lots of people suffer from this. I was on meds a few years ago for it. I spent my whole life using anger to get me through the day. Finally I couldn't generate enough rage anymore.
    I had a friend that is a wellness coach and she told me that depression is caused when you are not in control of your life. It is a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. I examined my life and took steps to work towards improving my life or at least fool myself into thinking I was regaining control
    It worked pretty good until a few months ago. My doctor said that there are lots of people who are screwed up by the pandemic, mostly from uncertainty and isolation.
    I have reached out to people and I am looking towards going back to work soon. Meanwhile I am on GaG.
    • I’m glad you’re here. :)

    • exitseven

      @loves2learn thank you for that.😊😊😊

    • Of course. 😊😊😊

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  • Nisabennn
    Thank you so much 🙏 I will try
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Absolutely anytime you need to talk, just message me, ok?

    • Nisabennn

      I’m grateful for your assistance that's very kind of you 🥺 thank you

  • Anonymous
    many people with depression did something wrong and they deserve the way they feel. it is there sub conscious that is punishing them for being bad or being a gay or being a rcist or being a criminal; or being a child molestor. most people with depression are one of those things
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      I'm going to assume this is a troll post, but just in case let me just walk through some of these.

      I'm not a bad person. I'm not a racist. I've never had any issues with the law, not even a speeding ticket. If anyone ever even touches my children incorrectly, I will be in trouble with the law because I will end them.

      If you were looking to get a reaction, this is about the best you will get.

      Thank you for your response.

    • Anonymous

      deeporession is the result of internalized feelings of guilt over bad feelings and thoughts. if your depressed then you did bad things or thought VERY bad things

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      In my case, no, it was just parents who either didn't want us kids around or used very passive aggressive tactics to get what they wanted. I just wanted them to actually want us. I've spent years trying to make them happy just to get that from them.

      I would encourage you to perhaps research before posting inflammatory comments that have no basis in fact. This take is meant to help those in need, I would appreciate if you did not attempt to derail that.

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