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5 Negative Thinking Patterns, Why Not to Do Them, and What to Do About Them

Vanity Fair-Style 3-Light Setup, Behind the Scenes
Vanity Fair-Style 3-Light Setup, Behind the Scenes

This is an installment in a series which I am calling, "Behind the Scenes: The Things We Think But Do Not Say."

5 Negative Thinking Patterns, Why Not to Do Them, and What to Do About Them

Internal dialogues are the conversations we have within ourselves, with ourselves, about who we believe we are, and what we observe and experience in the world. When they are not expressed outwardly, either verbally, in the written form, or with others, we can fall into habitual patterns of negativity, sometimes snowballing or spiralling downward, or, if you prefer, causing a chain reaction, entrenching us further in despair. These negative thoughts are cognitive distortions – they negatively change, and distort, our perception of reality. The self, and ego, is a constantly working, whirring, sometimes worrying force. It can be strong, active, and supportive, but also self-defeating, self-sabotaging, and ultimately destructive.

Negative thoughts not only affect how we see ourselves, and can cause anger, guilt, shame, feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, loneliness, depression and hopelessness, but can limit long-term success, lead to chronic relationship problems, and even, at times, put us in dangerous situations because we lose sight of value, and purpose.

Using extreme language, for example, whether about ourselves, others, or society, may come out quickly, subconsciously, and with such ease that it feels, perhaps, the most truthful, raw, and honest. But is that which flows quickly from our lips more honest than the thoughts which take time, and toil, and serious contemplation to conclude and realize? Staying objective about oneself seems to be one of the most difficult challenges our complex and intricate minds face. Maybe that's because doing so involves much more than simple, autonomic processing. However, just as rote memory, and muscle memory, aids us in our daily life and advancement and progression through life, it is often the habits we take for granted, the ones of distortion where we lose objectivity and perspective, that are the very ones we should give the greatest care and attention to.

This is not about me. I happened across the topic, perhaps a couple of weeks ago, made a quick pass, and realized: I am a sinner. (A wee joke, in reference to the extreme language note, above.) I do not personalize to a detrimental degree. I do not catastrophize in ways that do not realistically befit the circumstances (my husband's got the tin foil hat on that one.) I definitely do not 'overgeneralize', nor sit staunch in black-and-white thinking. I do, however, discount the positives. I see them, I just can't weigh them as much as would be beneficial to my mood, sense of peace, and optimism. But, as I said, this isn't about me. I was just recently reminded, by the happenstance reading of this topic, that I have more work to do, I'll need to do more self-checks, and try harder to curb this habitual trait of mine. Because I know that every thought we think again, and again and again, becomes strengthened, reinforced; and it is up to us, and only us, to decide which thoughts those are going to be.

So, here are...

5 Common Negative Thinking Patterns:

"No Longer Fear", Paragonwords
"No Longer Fear", Paragonwords

PERSONALIZATION:

  • Taking things personally.
  • Misinterpreting situations, resulting from assumptions.
  • Assuming that what others think about you is negative.
  • Blaming yourself for something that is out of your control, or has nothing to do with you.
  • Ex: "He/she didn't message me back, because he doesn't really like or care about me." There are numerous reasons why someone doesn't message back as soon as you would like them to, and only one of those many possibilities is that he/she doesn't care. Making this kind of assumption can erode relationships or kill them on the vine.
  • What to do instead/How to reframe? Consider all the potential external factors that may be the cause or have factored in. Apply logic, distance, and detachment to regain objectivity, and help properly and accurately assess circumstances, and other peoples' behaviours.

CATASTROPHIZING:

5 Negative Thinking Patterns, Why Not to Do Them, and What to Do About Them
  • Thinking a situation is far worse than it actually is.
  • Assuming the worst possible future outcome.
  • Seeing temporary setbacks as fundamental failures and flaws in one's personality.
  • Seeing one negative occurrence as a sign, or pattern, of worse things to come.
  • Exaggerated fear and paranoia, leaning-in to ideas of possible negative outcomes.
  • Negative downward spiralling in thinking.
  • Tying random events together as having a larger, connected cause.
  • Ex: “It's the end of the world!” (What the person usually means is, "... of my world.")
  • What to do instead/How to reframe? Consider other outcomes. Practice weighing the severity through comparison and relativity. Learn to differentiate between what is not desired vs. what is truly catastrophic.

OVERGENERALIZING:

  • Centralizes around the use of absolute words such as "always, "never”, “every”, “all."
  • Drawing conclusions based on a single piece of evidence, and often resulting in negative conclusions.
  • Negative self-talk like, "Bad things always happen to me", "I'm unlucky", "Nothing ever goes right!", "I’ll never get better."
  • What to do instead/How to reframe? Remind yourself that we choose our attitude, and attitude informs action. Ask yourself, am I jumping to conclusions? Am I eliminating the possibility of the positive? Have I given the person, or persons, the benefit of the doubt? Is impatience a factor in me doing this, and not wanting to take the time to consider more options and details? is it worth it to think this way?

BLACK & WHITE THINKING:

  • Seeing things as good or bad, right or wrong, success or failure.
  • Having an all-or-nothing attitude and method of navigating life.
  • Extremism: Thinking in extremes and not considering the greys. Slower, careful, methodical approaches seem dull and uninspired. They prefer to live on the edges, where ideas feel firm, fixed, final.
  • Absolutism: This type of person may be an absolutist who thinks they already have and know the answer (all the answers.)
  • Often creates either staunch supposed certainty and confidence, or losing hope, the dedication to persevere, and believing, "Nothing will work, so why try?"
  • Ex: "There is only one objective truth, in all things in life." Irrespective of another motive or intentions, "You hurt me, therefore you are wrong, and must apologize."
  • What to do instead/How to reframe? Teaching oneself to find the positive, benefit, and plausibility in less extreme attitudes. Recognizing that, actually, few things are truly definitive and black-and-white.

DISCOUNTING THE POSITIVES:

  • Obsessing over the negative and ignoring the positive.
  • A tendency to not fully accept compliments or positivity they receive from others because they don’t personally believe them to be true. (May discount the judgment of the other person, believing them to be biased favourably, or blinded in some way to the objective truth.)
  • Improperly weighing positive vs. negative. (Several compliments vs. one criticism is still a very positive ratio.)
  • Ex: “I was just lucky”, “It was just easy” when it comes to personal successes. "Yeah, but..."
  • What to do instead/How to reframe? Practice acceptance of oneself. Recognize that perfection is an unrealistic goal. Instead, hold yourself accountable, but allow for mistakes to be made. Repeat: As long as one learns from them, mistakes still have value.

Reframing

These negative thought patterns can become habitual. The greater issue, however, may be in not recognizing the danger of allowing ourselves to become emotionally lazy, or complacent, or defeatist, in believing in our ability to change. Add to that, society's relatively recent trend of using extreme language like "toxic", "damaged", "broken", when, in fact, we do have the power, and control, over how we think, and behave, and there is actually no such thing as "a fatal flaw" that cannot be changed, adapted, or learned from.

When distorted thoughts appear to become reality (but are not), it can be difficult to consider alternatives. The key, above all, is regaining perspective, and reasoning your way back to reality. (Even if that means adopting a trusted confidante's reality. You can borrow their mind, and perspective. If they have proven their judgment is sound, over a history of navigating challenging and complex situations, then it's plausible, and likely, that they are, or could be, correct in their assessment of you, or your perceived, impassable predicament.

So, In Order to Reframe:

  • Examine the evidence.
  • Consider external factors, and alternative options.
  • Identify the distortion.
  • Recognize the pattern of negative thinking.
  • Try to think outside of yourself, such as what others might think, either about the situation, or about you.
  • Replace the negative thought with a positive thought.
  • Adopt a new attitude, then plot a new course of action.

Easy-peasy, right? lol. Yeah, tell that to my brain. But I'm working on it. I know it all intellectually, just have to not discount what I know (see what I did there? lol) And, when you falter (not "fail"), remember, we are all just a work in progress. There may be a beginning, but we are not carved in stone (at least, not while we're still alive, unless you've done great things, and already been commemorated, in which case, good for you!), but for the rest of us mortals, it is more admirable to be flawed but not give up, than to consider oneself complete and to have all the answers.

Seasonal Blue Moon and Girl
Seasonal Blue Moon and Girl
5 Negative Thinking Patterns, Why Not to Do Them, and What to Do About Them

And P.S. Thanks to @StrongMale for being the impetus to finish this piece this morning. It was your words, "Nothing you try or attempt is inherently stupid. Be kinder to yourself when you make an attempt... It may not be the final..., but it’s not stupid. It’s a starting point!" that spurred me on to finish this piece. I borrowed your words. I hope you don't mind. 🙏 Sincerest form of flattery, right...

5 Negative Thinking Patterns, Why Not to Do Them, and What to Do About Them
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