What is your take on substance abuse?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is an alcohol abuser. He is not an angry drunk, but he does drink a lot. Talks about drinking. Jokes about drinking. He loves drinking. He is 25, and has a beer belly already. I catch him remembering we had a conversation on a certain topic, but he doesn't remember the details. He likes his drinks strong. At the rate he is going I fear he is already an alcoholic, but he doesn't have physical withdrawal symptoms.

However, he relies on it for stress relief. He knows he has an addiction, but is not willing to do anything about it, and his family continues to enable him.

He is pretty composed while he is drunk, and has a high tolerance, yet he says he can't drink as much as he used to.

I wish he would snap out of it, but he has blamed me for not understanding the reasons for his addictions.

I guess I am wondering what you all think about this? Are you big drinkers? Have you ever abused a substance to this extent, and have you come to terms with it? Or am I the one just being crazy? I care for him as a friend, but he won't listen, so I was wondering if any big drinkers would have some answers for me to take into consideration. Is he an alcoholic? Or does he just like to drink?

He can go a week without drinking, but if he is stressed, he'll go back into his habits. He was trying to cut back, but told me one day is enough. I don't know if he is joking, and I have all these mixed feelings, which is why I am seeking advice because I have never dealt with someone like this before.

[MothMonsterMan]

This sounds sad but there is nothing you can do about it. People make their own choices, and unfortunately, nothing changes their mind except when they've decided they've had enough. You can beg, plead, reason with, try to show them by example, it will make no difference. In fact all it will do is cause you more stress.

I dated someone who turned into an alcoholic and it was heartbreaking. I tried for 2 years to get her to cut back on her drinking and it did absolutely no good. She matches your friend's description very closely. Beers or something stronger every day, sometimes right when she woke up, right before bed, whenever. Eventually I just had to stop talking to her. I told her she needed help, and since she wasn't listening to me anymore, I was out of there. It's harsh, but it's the best thing to do. You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

[Asker]

Thank you, this is helpful. I just can't tell when he is joking or being serious. No one seems to confront him about it. It's his decision to make obviously.