How do I stop feeling sad?

[Anonymous]

I'm not really sure what to do with my life. Right now, I can't find a job. I just feel unhappy. Part of me wants to move across the country, but I am afraid to leave my family. I am craving adventure or something new, but I'm not sure what. I would really like if I could find a job and be good at it. I love staying up late, but I hate sleeping in late... but I also like lots of sleep. I'm just having so much trouble balancing my life.

I think I've found that I don't like hookups or friends with benefits types of relationships. I don't like working in a job that makes me miserable. I don't like living alone as much as I love having independence.

I just feel really lost and upset about life. I think if I had a job I'd feel a lot better, but I can't seem to find one that will take me. The economy is too bad.

[BearsAnswers]

Job is pretty key to just about anything else, so that should be your focus. Whether it's where you are now, or moving to somewhere that supports some more opportunities, that one is going to be the thing that everything else hangs on.

If you've been letting yourself fall into random hookups and friends with benefits situations, then that can totally leave a bad taste in your mouth. They are emotionally unsatisfying, and while there are ways of finding happiness through non-monogamy, those situations are not it.

The want sleep, but don't sleep situation, along with a lot of what you are feeling, seems kind of indicative of a low grade depression. You are probably not so deep that you can't pull yourself out, but you will want to be making changes with that in mind. From this position it would also be very easy to spiral down into something much deeper and harder to recover from.

Again, job could help with this. More exercise and better diet can have a surprising impact too, even if you don't feel like doing it. It's a funk, basically, and to feel better you need to start doing little things to break yourself out of what is becoming a routine.

[Asker]

Exercise is the only thing I haven't dropped. I think you really nailed it. Hookups are not satisfying emotionally and that's what I need right now. I think I need to move away, but I'm really scared. I don't want to leave my parents. I don't know. I just feel like I'll never be able to see them if I leave.

[BearsAnswers]

It is good to be scared, it means you are realistic about the difficulty in leaving a support system to forge out on your own. Don't look at that fear as a sign of weakness, look at it as a sign of appraisal of the risks. That being said, don't let that fear cripple you. Don't let it stop you from doing what needs to be done. It is a caution flag, not a red light.

If you move somewhere and find a decent job, you will not have a problem seeing your parents again. Again, it's that problem of no job means no money means no choices. I am one of the first to say that money doesn't equal happiness, and it doesn't, but having zero dollars can equal sadness in the sense that it removes your options too significantly.

You're anon, so I can't offer more help regarding where to go to find places that have better employment rates and the like, but it does sound like a fresh start could be something to seriously consider.

[Asker]

I am definitely afraid to leave my family. I think that's the big part that's keeping me back. I went to college in the midwest and hated it. I was so ready to be back in my home state... but since I've been here it has been nothing but lonely and hard to make friends. People are friendly, but they don't go to the extra mile to actually BE a friend. They don't call, they don't check in. They're there when I text them (sometimes), but the efforts are not returned. Is there something that's so wrong with me?

[BearsAnswers]

This might be spiralling into a conversation that would be easier to read as messages, so feel free to send me a message if you would like. Otherwise I will continue here.

It doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with you. I think your current support system is too weak, and that is making you doubly dependent on your family. They are important because... family, but also important because you don't have a proper peer group to support you as a person, to listen to your concerns and share you achievements. So your family is doing double duty.

[Asker]

I'll message you

[mydestiny]

The most common thing about people your age. Saying that it is not fun to be in this position.
A time when the person defines who he/she is.
Whatever you said it feels like you want to get to the right track, want to make your life enjoyable as well as worthwhile but not able to get the right direction.
This is the best time to check your potential. Make daily targets and try to achieve it. If you have to read or learn something for your job, do it and regularly check the progress.
It is also the best time to start a new hobby. You have full enthusiasm and energy but not able to put it in any direction. If you get any hobby which you like you can channelize it in the right direction.

[thetundrawolf]

Don't move across country. Your problems will only find you.

I find peace and solace in the love of God. If you can achieve peace- and you may not have to do much of anything, other than hanging in there- you will have found a treasure.

[Asker]

not religious sorry

[thetundrawolf]

Don't apologize. I cannot in good conscience not tell people about God Who has helped me. Just because you don't believe in Him does not mean he does not exist, or that He will not help you f you ask Him.

I pray for you, and I truly hope you find peace in life.

[Nik1hil]

I am suffering kind of same condition here , I study science for more adventure, thinking to get started with some economy.

[Anonymous]

Get a boyfriend and steal his money like most women do.

[Asker]

I think that might add to the sadness factor..

[beastman88]

geez lady... GET OUT OF MY HEAD

[Asker]

I don't get it.

[beastman88]

empathy*

[Asker]

you feel the same?