My mom ruined my view on my body?

Anonymous
I used to he happy with myself, I didn't compare myself to anyone because I was comfortable with who I was. That all changed when my mom told me I should lose weight so I don't get even fatter then I already was. I was so hurt by this comment and I tried do hard to eat healthier just so she would accept me. However, in doing this I fell away from who I was. I became bulimic and tried so hard to be thin. I was constantly comparing myself to everyone and I was lowering my once great self confidence. My mom found out I was bulimic and I promised I wouldn't do it again. I thought I wasn't fat at 5'1 and 113 pounds at 15 but she always looks at me in a way that makes me feel like I am. She will also say things like I shouldn't wear shorts that show my thighs or tops that show my stomach and then I become extremely depressed and starve myself or cut myself ( I've only cut myself 4 times) I want to be like I used to be where it didn't matter to me but now that my mom has said things about my weight I don't think I can go back. I think part if it can be that she doesn't want me to be like her because she is a little bigger but I just want to be happy again. I want to love myself and I want people to love me ( for example boys that only like thin girls)
My mom ruined my view on my body?
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