What should I do Health question?

[Anonymous]

Alright soo I'm 17 (my age is wrong on this site) and I have a very serious eating disorder. I've been diagnosed with bulimia when I was 15 and have struggled with the continuous urge to lose weight. I am a very thin girl but not sickly loooking- I look fit and normal. I still struggle with the desire to lose more weight and binging and purging which scares my family and I don't think they understand. I am now living with my dad but I was raised in my mom's house until now. It's hard adjusting and he wants to make things up to me for never being there but its hard because I feel like never having a father figure growing up just put stress on the situation. I just want to be healthy and happy for myself... and stop having to worry about hiding my eating habits of constantly binging from my friends and families. It's extremely time consuming but it is my addiction. Just like an alcoholic struggles with their substance abuse problem I struggle with over eating and vomiting as well as restricting and laxative abuse. I cannot stop! It is the hardest thing in the world to me. I am starting school this fall and I'm going on full time ... I want to major in Computer Engineering. I am very smart but I feel conflicted at what I should do. How am I ever going to recover from this? I have tried inpatient as well therapy and outpatient and it honestly just made things worse because they put me on a bunch of meds I did not want to take and made me eat things I did not want to eat. I feel so horrible right now about my body and I just want to be bettter thannn this disorder and stop purging. It's very hard. sorry for venting guys.

Updates

+1 y

update

[BellePepper]

Congratulations on starting college soon! How exciting for you! I agree with Peter0. Even though it's so, so, so hard to try again after a bad experience I know you can be brave enough to try again. Look how amazing and brave you've already been to post this here! That is such a huge step! Try poking around websites and set little goals for yourself. First just find out what your insurance covers, then investigate those places or therapists, and then ask your dad or mom to take you.

You can do this. You deserve to be well :)

[abundantlyrich]

If you love yourself, then these problems will not exist.

[Peter0]

Oh good lord, I'm sorry thing have worked so poorly for you :(

I recommend giving therapy another try. But give potential therapists phone calls before you actually go visit them and talk about what hasn't worked for you in the past, and ask them about their approach to treatment etc. Because if you can find someone whose knowledge and training you CAN use, you'll be in a stronger position.

Your school will be in a sizable city? That'd give you more options.

Good luck!!