Why is this happening to me?

[Anonymous]

Ok, so I'm feeling things right now that are really taking me to the edge. I've always been a 'happy-go-lucky' type of person and while I try to cover it up, I can't deny my depression any longer. Some of my friends have noticed it as well as my family but I just can't work up the nerve to explain to them how I feel, so I'm going to give this anonymous thing a try, here goes.

I'll be 18 before 2009 rolls around and I've never had a boyfriend. Now I don't consider myself unattractive in the least, I'm very confident in my looks (not to the conceited point, I'm not like that). But I just don't understand how most of my friends and cousins my age (some younger) can have relationship after relationship while I can't seem to start ONE off.

At the moment, I don't 'like' anyone in specific and although there are two guys that seem to want to be more than friends, I don't want to get into a relationship with either of them simply because I'm not attracted to them. Should I just give it a go even though I don't think it'll work?

I want to be with someone soooo bad. I want to be able to confide in a guy, I want him to kiss and caress me, I want to explore new things with him. I just need a boyfriend; I just don't have anyone in mind. I know a lot of people are tired of being single but I don't think my case is normal. I'm getting old lol and I've been feeling like this for a while now. Why is it so hard for me to find a guy while other girls can get them so easily? What can it be? I am attractive and I have a good personality. I get along with guys and I like sports. Don't all guys like girls that like sports? lol

This is my last resort so please don't hesitate to respond with some type of advice. I'm in need of help and I need it NOW. Is this normal? Has this happened to you? How can I get through this? What can be wrong with me? I am a really shy person. Can it be that? I am really lost and depressed so any advice whatsoever is appreciated.

thx in advance =]

[Anonymous]

Well, first of all, I don't think anything's wrong with you. Actually, I think it's normal for you to be involved in your studies and sports while you are a teenager. It took me a long time to get interested in girls when I was a teenager too because of the same reasons - I was involved with other things. I think the best thing you can do is not to rush things - especially since you are young yet. Teenage years should be the best years of your life - living your life and enjoying it and not worrying about relationships. Relationships can be tough, and it's best to allow yourself to find them naturally, without feeling pressured to get into one. Also, I will tell you from experience that sex and relationships are totally overrated! Just because loads of people are having relationships or sex doesn't necessarily mean they are happy. It just means that they have an added stress in their lives to worry about. My opinion is that you should not try to rush things but just let them happen naturally in your life. Relationships are best when you are truly ready for them instead of getting into them because you feel like you should. And, no, I don't think you should go out with any boys that you are not interested in, because you are not being true to yourself then. As Socrates said, "Above all things, know thyself." This means that you need to know who you are, what you like and what you want. Don't do things that you really don't want to do in life and don't succumb to the pressures of other teens your age. Other teens are falling into the same trap - relationships that they really are not ready for and all the complications that go along with them. When you are ready, the right guy will come along. Until then, all the rest are the wrong guys! I made that mistake later on and married someone just to be married and not be alone and because people my age were getting married and having kids. Big mistake! If you're going to go out with someone, make sure it's someone you really like and want to go out with! Well, that's all for now! Good luck! :)

[Anonymous]

I don't know how much I'll be able to help you, but I'll do what I can. I'm a sophomore in high school and I have never had a relationship. I don't want to sound conceited, but I do think somewhat highly of myself in that I'm a very nice person, I'm smart, I think I'm pretty funny, etc. But I've never been one of the popular-type kids, if you know what I mean, so my dating options are pretty limited. I am also very shy, and I think that contributes to it. Anyway, there is one girl that I really want to form a relationship with (it's not gonna happen). But if you don't have someone in particular that you really love and care about, getting involved in high school relationships isn't a good idea. You've said people you know have had "relationship after relationship." Do you really want that? "I want to be able to confide in a guy, I want him to kiss and caress me, I want to explore new things with him." If you start a relationship just for the sake of starting a relationship, I doubt you'll feel that way about your boyfriend. And even if you do, you know how short teenage relationships are. Do you really want to have to go through the pain of the break-up only to start the cycle again with someone new? I know how you feel, though, wanting someone who'll always be there for you, someone who you can just sit next to and know that everything will be okay. It can get very lonely, but trust me. Just wait, and eventually you will find someone who you love that will love you just as much, and the wait will have been worth it. Your situation is perfectly normal, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Don't ever think that. From what you've written here, it sounds like whoever you end up with is a very lucky guy. Believe me, don't try to change anything about yourself, because someone will come along who appreciates you for exactly who you are. Good luck! :)

[lola23]

k I was totally in the ssame boat at one time so I got ya covered. I was the same way with the whole no dating and I thought I was attractive and I got some attention but not what I really wanted. well I took the plunge and dated one of them. I totally fell head over heels for him! now I wish I could say our relationship is still going strong but it didn't last for more than 5 months. 5 months later I had another guy tho. so I would say go for it! but know tht you might get your heart broken. but that's a chance you take wiht anyone. I think girls like us don't get into relationships cause we are shy and don't really respond well to guys cause we re scared to. just be yourself. don't sike yourself out when you talk to a guy. good luck!

[sxylibrarian]

You sound pretty desperate to be in a relationship- do you think that maybe guys are picking up on that and consequently being put off?

Here's my advice- You're young. I'm assuming you're a senior if you're going to be 18 soon. Relax, enjoy your last year of high school, and be your fabulous, fun self! Guys will be drawn to that.

[Acuzio]

It's because you have high standards. I do too, and it's what prevented me from dating anyone until I was 18. Some people might think you're too picky about your potential boyfriends, but if you're not interested in them, there's no point in forcing a relationship.

I sympathize with you because I felt the same pangs of loneliness. I felt like I could be a great boyfriend if only the right girl would come along. Eventually, she did, and I got to share a number of great experiences with her. The best part: I have no regrets about the relationship because I didn't settle for less.

[wally]

been shy nothing wrong with it and also nothing wrong with you , maybe and I say maybe you're too picky , I mean try to date on of those guys you're talking about and see where it goes because not always we can have things that we like , try to find someone who care about you not one that you run after because the one who care about you and you;re eelings is the one that you'll be happy with ,and don't be worry because you still young and I'm sure you're pretty.

[bettsyboy]

chill out

im 17 and I've never had a girlfriend

you just need to chill out and remember that there is more to life than just boys/girls or whatever

[justme45]

you always miss 100% of the shots you don't take. go for it!

[crazyhorserocky]

You should defimitly go for it