Am I being superficial? Is this a dealbreaker?

[Anonymous]

Over the last 3 years, I’ve dedicated myself to a fitness and lifestyle journey through Eating well and moving well. I lift weights, do CrossFit workouts and yoga 4-6 times per week. I’ve lost 40lbs and everything in my life is easier. I am more connected to my body, myself, my desires and my goals. I can breathe easier, I can manage my emotions better, I am happier. I’ve spent time around family members and friends who do not value their health and fitness like I do. Usually, they end up feeling inadequate around me and I end up adjusting small aspects of my diet and lifestyle to keep the peace with them. I recently went on a date with a guy who checked all my boxes besides the fitness one. I had a great time but I am hesitant to keep things going because he is not into fitness as a lifestyle. My family and friends think I’m being superficial because they see fitness as a way to “look” better as opposed to all the benefits I mentioned above. They think I’m judging the guy for not looking fit. I don’t care about looks. There are a lot of overweight people at my gym and a lot of overweight lifters. The key is that they lift and they dedicate themselves to a lifestyle of fitness and wellness. I feel like people who are not on this journey do not understand what it means emotionally to be on such a journey. I worry that someone who isn’t on it won’t understand or appreciate me and I will make them unhappy or feel bad about themselves.

Updates

1 y

I am by no means perfect or the fittest person on earth. I realize that if I was in the guys shoes I’d feel awful to know that someone thought these things about me but this is what worries me

[dynamicyandere]

Fitness and living a healthy lifestyle is important to me as well. I don’t think it’s a shallow thing if you’re looking at it lifestyle-wise rather than how they currently look.


It’s like if you were religious and your religion was very important to you and you practiced it every day, it would be important for your partner to be supportive of that.


It’s hard to live with someone who doesn’t share the same lifestyle as you—especially when it’s something as foundational as what you eat.


My current SO is supportive of my lifestyle and we both monitor our diets and talk about working out and nutrition and what not.


I had an ex that would get weirdly insecure and try to sabotage me by being like, “I brought this for you.” and putting a box of donuts in front of me when she KNEW I was trying to watch my carbs.


So yeah… If having a healthy lifestyle is important to you, it’s important for your partner to be supportive and onboard. Otherwise, there may be a lot of tension and friction and misunderstandings ahead of you.

[Truthatanycost]

Keep your high standards. You will be much happier when you meet someone else who ticks that only missing box. Other people who lack the discipline will always try to convince you to lower your standards, as opposed to trying to convince another to raise theirs.

[jennifer_bloom]

Every one has a right to choose their own standards, but it’s not necessary to fat shame or speak badly about people you reject, simply ignoring them or communicating your disinterest in dating them should be enough.

[Asker]

Did something I said above indicate fat shaming?

[jennifer_bloom]

I am just saying just in case you fat shame. A lot of people do on this site.

[Asker]

What does my post have to do with fat? Or anything related? The fact that you read the above and associated it with fat shaming is the problem that people have with health and wellness. Who cares how fat someone is? Skinny people can be just as unhealthy and I would be hesitant to enter a relationship with an unhealthy thin person too

[Googlemyahoo]

Dealbreaker for me was massive blob of text

Didn’t read 👎

[Asker]

So don’t respond?