Is it bad that I don't want to get better?

[LaureenVO]

I've been struggling with mental health issues since I was 8 years old. It started with anxiety, which I still have, but a few years ago (Like 4) I also started to develop a depression. I've been going to a psychologist since I was 11. However I feel like it just doesn't work. My mental health comes and goes in waves. Now it's getting worse again (Winter months). It's not too bad though, but recently I've discovered a new feeling I have. I often don't know what I feel. However this feeling is pretty strong. I don't want to get rid of my mental health issues. I mean of course I sometimes just want them to be gone, but i've had them for sooooo long that it just feels like it has become a part of me. At times I feel like i'm not interested enough without my mental health issues aswell. Even though I never talk about it towards others, so it's not like I am trying to get people their attention. Whenever my mental health is really bad it's also kind of comforting, even though I know it's bad for me. Why do I think this way? Normal people would want to get rid of their mental issues, but I just want to keep them. Especially when I'm at my worst it's kind of nice. Helpppp

[Nomina]

Yes, it isn't good. It's actually one of the many persistent issues wirh mental health; have it long enough, don't take the steps needed to improve and you end up feeling comfortable in that state. It's not good for you at all. However comforting you may think it is. It's the same as someone staying in an unhealthy relationship because it's all they're used to, it's what they know, it's what they know to deal with. Even if it makes them unhappy, prevents them from growing or going after their dreams/achieving goals.

The fear leaving a familiar state can sometimes be enough to go back to what you know. Even if it's to your detriment. It's the comfort in a sense of familiarity and fear of the unknown, fear of failure in unknown, fear of the potential to relapse, fear of having to change known and ingrained habits.

Bottom line, it isn't good for you. That sense of comfort is an illusion.

[AdithyaR]

I know the feeling, it's cause of the negative self concept. The mental illness has made your mind believe it's beyond repair. And whenever you say or do things to prove that, your mind gets the comfort of being right.
That happens with a lot of people struggling with mental illness. It makes getting better much harder but it's still gotta be done. I was at that point too, and i had to move mountains to help myself. But it is possible and at the end of that journey, you'll feel much better.

[LaureenVO]

Thank you this makes so much sense.

[AdithyaR]

Glad I could help.

[Truth0225]

Want to know what I think? And tell me if I am off, I think you have havnt had much stability in your life with your parents, and you believe that your mental illness is the only thing that has been consistently there. So you want to keep it.

[LaureenVO]

Hmm could be, but I do have a stability with my parents :) But yes i've always had mental illness, so it kinda is consistent.

[boggboss]

U think mental health issues make u interesting fucking hell you need help

[LaureenVO]

No I don't think that. I said that I feel like I'm not interesting enough without them. I know that's not the truth, obviously. It's not something I think, it's the way I feel and I don't know why I feel that way :(

[boggboss]

Sounds like u need to get a new or better therapist

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Obviously and you're missing on a lot but i know you don't care which is a big problem

[LaureenVO]

I do care, I'm very selfaware

[Aiko_E_Lara]

If you care then why don't you want to be better tho? That basically means you don't care about getting better which is what you're missing on a lot. You only have one life though

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Oh you're only 18. You still have many years for improvement.

[LaureenVO]

i do want to get better, but my mind is sabotaging me.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Try meditation and use your will power. Set a goal for yourself and focus on it. That's how you get motivated.