I need some advice?


TW: eating disorder

My parents said they needed to talk to me, and said they heard me gagging and throwing up. They said if I was forcing myself to throw up, they'd put me in a psych ward. I told them I had food poisoning from undercooked chicken (checks out, but wasn't true).

Now I don't know if I can get help. I need to tell someone about my bulimia, but I'm scared they'll tell my parents or report me. I can't even google if you can admit someone to the hospital for bulimia (I thought you couldn't) because if I do, they'll know when they check my search history. That's also why I couldn't specify my eating disorder in the title of this question because it would show up on the search history.

I can't get reported because I don't want colleges to change their mind on offering me scholarships in the future (I'm applying for scholarships this year). I'm a sophomore in high school with a 4.0 GPA and my grades are the only thing I have going for me in life. I'm really competitive over it. I don't want this to ruin that.

So I need someone to tell me wtf I'm supposed to do now? If I stop throwing up, I'll fall back into the trap of not eating at all, and I feel like that's worse. I'm really scared I'm going to damage my organs though from throwing up so often.

I need some advice?
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