My dad thinks I owe my sister something?

[Anonymous]

My older sister has a retarded son and my dad thinks I owe her my attention and help? I have my own life to live. I can not put that stress on me. But the real issue is me and her don’t get along and we are not close. She is miserable at her life and she’s always staring trouble with me. Why does my dad think I’m supposed to take in her burdens? She has a husband. It’s not my interest or job to deal with this. I simply couldn’t care.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that sounds like such a drag. I get your dad wants to help your sister out since she's dealing with a lot, but that's really not your responsibility. A few things I would say:

- Remind your dad you've got your own life and goals you're focused on. Can't put your dreams on hold to manage her problems.

- Say you tried being there for her in the past but she's always starting fights and making things harder. Hard to help someone who doesn't want it.

- Her kid and marriage issues are between her and her husband. Not fair for your dad to guilt you into fixing it.

- You and sis just don't see eye to eye so putting you both in that stressful situation won't end well anyway.

- Ask your dad why he expects you to sacrifice so much when he should be supporting her more himself if he cares that much.

- Offer to help out occasionally if you can, like watching the kid one day a month or something manageable. But don't let them make you a full-time assistant.

Stand your ground. You do you - don't let em bog you down with her drama if you don't wanna deal with it!

[Asker]

The problem is I can’t really be in contact with her because it’s that bad. She’s jealous of me and trying to start problems all the time. My parents don’t want to accept that she’s jealous of me and mistreating me. I don’t like her as a person. I want no part of her or her family. My parents harass me all the time saying I don’t like my sister. And they are right. She’s mean jealous and miserable of course I don’t like her. I do still love her. But I simply can’t mix my life with hers. I’m on a very different path in life⛷️

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, I feel you. Family drama is the worst. If she's really that toxic and jealous, then you gotta protect your own mental health first. Your parents probably just want everyone to get along, but they can't force you to be close with someone who treats you badly.

Next time they harass you about not liking your sister, maybe try explaining it calmly like "I do care about her deep down, but the way she acts really hurts me. I need space from that negativity for my own well-being." Make it about setting a boundary, not that you don't love her at all.

Could you compromise by keeping some distance physically, but still sending birthday wishes or something small to show you're not completely cutting her off? That might appease your parents some.

Overall don't let them guilt trip you - you know what environment is healthy for you. Keep living your best life on your path. Hopefully over time your parents can understand where you're coming from better. Keep your head up!

[Surely]

If your father is so concerned about you helping out your sister. Then he should be the loving father and grandfather to his daughter and help her out first!

[Asker]

They do help, but for some reason it bothers him that I’m not interested in her burdened life. She’s not nice to me.

[Surely]

Thank you for the MHO. Good luck with your situation!

[aceleon]

if you were close i would say you were but if not then you owe her nothing.

[Staximus]

You owe her jack shit

[RavVid]

I think you are right.