Why do you think my dad favors my sister?

[Stayinganon]

My dad has always favored my sister. She's 5 1/2 years younger than me but I think back to when I was in her age and he never treated me that way. I'm a really good kid if I do say so myself, never did drugs or drank in high school, even at parties I remained sober and took care of everyone else. I made good grades and I'm in college, I mean I'm no genius, but I've always been above average when it comes to grades. This is not just an older sibling whining the younger one gets it better, because my mom doesn't do this, only my dad.

My sister is the most difficult person I have ever come across. She's moody (maybe bipolar?) and annoying. She snaps at the smallest thing and doesn't understand boundaries. She's rude and doesn't care for other people's feelings. My dad admits this, but yet does everything for her. Anything she asks. He doesn't buy her whatever she wants but he does anything she wants. He can be in a completely different room and he runs when she calls. I never say anything because I'm embarrassed. My dad and I are closeish but we never hug it say I love you. If I ask him to do the smallest favor he tells me to do it myself or complains about doing it for five minutes. He never acknowledges anything good I do but if my sister does anything remotely "good"it's a fucking miracle and she gets rewarded. I'm never good enough.

[AmongTheApples]

No offense, but there's a good chance that this is all in your head. If it is true, it has nothing to do with you. A lot of psychological research suggests that, although everyone believes that they somehow cause or at least influence the behavior of another (we can only see things through our own eyes, so we have only our own observation to consider), in reality, the actions of another rarely have anything to do with anyone else.

In other words, if they're closer, for whatever the reason, it's for some reason other than you or your behavior (and right off the top of my head I can think of several possibilities—she might be more similar to him, he might believe that she needs his help more than you do, your dad might like being treated as an inferior, etc.).

Also, psychological studies show that we tend to give ourselves the benefit of a doubt because we know (or think we know) why we did what we did, but, we never extend the same courtesy to others because we don't have all the information or may have misinterpreted things. In other words, when we reach a conclusion about the behavior of others, we are often wrong because we lack knowledge of the reasons for which someone did whatever they did (we can't read minds) and may not have observed things properly or are biased (so we're often working with faulty information).

[Stayinganon]

My dad and sister fight constantly. He and I hardly fight. They're not close but he does everything for her which is why it confuses me. My mom has admitted she's noticed this too, so I don't think it's in my head. My mom always says they both love is equally which I believe but it's like my dad couldn't care less about my problems but god forbid anything goes wrong with my sister.

[AmongTheApples]

You've contradicted yourself a couple of times (which often happens when people talk about personal family issues), so clarify for me exactly what you're asking.

[Stayinganon]

What did I contradict?

[Terellkid]

Wow. Grade A gaslighting. This kind of thing really does happen and you tell him it’s all in their head?

[Surfinforlife]

I know exactly where you stand. My family had 2 kids and then waited 12-13 years to have 2 more kids. I have older siblings in their mid thirties. My older siblings have complained in a joking way (but are serious) that I have it lucky. I was the best treated and my parents would do anything for me. They had it rough growing up while I lived on easy street with my parents and was supposedly more "cherished" It could have to do with the age gap cause that certainly plays a roll in my family. I was the favored child by my mother and father and according to my older siblings they have "mellowed out" when I came along.

Another possible reason could be to coax her down. According to your story, your little sister seems to be bipolar or opposite of you, your dad probably does whatever she wants just to keep her from causing problems or becoming an annoyance/ problem. It's also very common that the baby of the family or the "baby of the bunch" gets treated like royalty or spoiled rotten. That or an only child.

[lumos]

Probably because she's younger than you. She's what, 13-14? She's still just a kid in your dad's eyes, while you're already an adult. You can take care of yourself. Technically she can too, but apparently not in his eyes. I'm sure he'll stop babying her like this once she gets older too.

[Stayinganon]

I stated that he never treated me the same way when I was her age.

[lumos]

Because you were his first child, weren't you? Parents always treat their second, third, fourth etc kids differently. They're often a lot more strict with the first child because that's what they think they have to do. Once they get the hang of it, they become more chill. I know this, because I have an older brother. He always complains that I've gotten to do stuff he didn't get to do my age, and this was basically my parents explanation.

[MakeLoveNotWar]

I agree with oppa. Being the oldest, I had it harder growing up.

[HandofHeart]

Perhaps he tries to be reminded that you're grown up now and just wants you to be his "little girl" again and your little sister is compensation.

[spadeaspade]

OK, none of us are inside your fathers head, as a result, we don't know his side of this story, therefore I won't condemn the man just yet.

I will say this, as a father myself, I was always mindful of balance, I never wanted to hurt my children's feelings or their self esteem in any way, but that's me, maybe your Dad isn't aware of what he does, maybe he just reacts to your sister quickly, to shut her up, because he just doesn't want to have to put up with her complaining, as they say, "the squeaky wheel gets the most oil"

My advice to you is this. Keep up your studies, stay the way you are, I'd rather have you as a daughter than your demanding sister, so be happy with the fact you are a better person who will achieve and go on to have a very rewarding, self sufficient, independent life, where you will have the qualifications to "allow you to decide what you want to do", whereas your sister, because she's never looked after herself, will always be dependent and will not do well at school which will give her a life where she will "always be told what she must do".

Now think about that, who's going to be the happiest, you as a master of your own destiny, or your sister as a slave, all due to her unwillingness to stand on her own two feet, and make the effort to do things for herself.

[Anonymous]

Aww, that's really sad :(

I guess it's just your sister's mixture of weak neediness and demanding domineeringness that encourages his fatherly instincts and masculine instincts in general. I guess he's a sucker for his little princess.

Your dad needs to be more mature and recognize and praise you for your virtues. My parents never said they loved me either, so I know how you feel.

Just try to limit the effect this might have on your romantic outlook. I suffer from low self-confidence, emotional neediness, and an over-focus on pleasing women especially older women (in fact, most of the women I sleep with tend to be in their late thirties and early forties, even though I'm only 22): I suspect a lot of this is due to bad childhood experiences.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Have you ever considered that maybe he does all of that just to keep her quiet? Think about it... if she's such a pain in the ass he'll do whatever he can just to keep her quiet so that he can get some rest.

You're the good one that he doesn't have to worry about.

[Intranetusa]

Parents are strict on the first born child. Then they mellow out and are more lenient towards later-born children. I've read about this phenomenon and seen it in my friend's families.

[mrchickenboy_45]

Hey I've been through there and i know that if your sister is younger and the favorite but just deal through it by clearing your mind, hangout with your friends, and others things that can make you happy cause for me my dad just talks to my sister a lot and i feel just like im not their son anymore but I've cleared my mind and just ignore it so yeah just be yourself and pretend like your always happy and i know that my story is kinda sad but I've deal with that everyday

[Anonymous]

Because you're older and she's younger.