Is it common to still be turned on by the sexual abuse they suffered, all the while hating the fact?

[Anonymous]

It's taken me 40 years to start to understand my past. Why I was so over sexualised from such a young age.
Only to start to understand why you did what you did through teenage years, learning what's not right.
I did therapy recently and it helped me see that I'm not alone in this. But it destroys me.
Makes me feel as bad as the people that did it to me!!
Any help/advice and/or your own experiences, would be gratefully appreciated.

Updates

6 mo

I meant and* hopelessness. I'm not sure I can describe it. It's an incredibly hard topic. One that's judged VERY unfairly. 👇🏻🙄
There is so little help in the world, people SHOULD be able to speak about it. It's more common they people realise. Thoughts that we never even wanted 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Trigger warning

"Makes me feel as bad as the people that did it to me!!"

Sexual abuse is a direct violation of someone's integrity, it damages someone for a lifetime. So, strictly morally speaking, it's wrong to compare yourself to perpetrators when there is no harm done on your part.

Therapy, ideally, is supposed to help you reconciling what has been torn, in your mind, due to sexual abuse. Sexual assault, because this is sex as much as it is assault, can fragment your perceptions about sexual pleasure, it seems to be what you describe.

Your feelings, in whatever direction they are going to, simply exist. Your feelings are not a threat and your feelings are not morally reprehensible. You may hate them, you may be disgusted by them, it is normal, and, again, therapy can help with that. Because it is its ultimate goal, to make you feel better with yourself, with what you experienced, in the past and in the present.

I wish you strength🍀

[Asker]

Thank you ❤️

[zombiewoof]

To qualify my reply, i am against rape and sexual abuse, it is wrong. But having said that, and taking to several victims, many said they had several orgasms, was the best sex they had experienced and fantasize about it often.

[Asker]

Yes. It's weird how the mind works. It's happened to me too, in my later teenage years.
It's not the act or the person you imagine, it's a mental feeling of control seems hopelessness. Not that I can explain it very well. Because now I'm the complete opposite.

[zombiewoof]

Is that how it was/is for you

[zombiewoof]

Dgood that you have therapy, but if you need to talk or vent

[Asker]

Hey. Sorry the update that I put up, was actually a reply to you last night. Was so confused.

[zombiewoof]

i am sure it can be

[zombiewoof]

THANJS FOR THE MHO

[Anonymous]

You need therapy if you think abuse is a turn-on. That is deranged.

[Asker]

Way to gaslight someone who is actively asking. 🙄
It says I hate it

[Anonymous]

Yeah it’s a vicious cycle. You indulge it in fantasies…. And then immediately feel like shit.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes thats common cause its what your use to. That's your norm

[Daytoday79]

It's common. I think the same thing has kind of happened to me, honestly.

[Asker]

Do you want to elaborate at all?

[Daytoday79]

Honestly it's rather personal... it was abuse from one of my parents. I have a therapist I've spoken with about it. She's cool and has helped me a lot.

[Asker]

I'm glad. You can message confidentially at any time. If you want to

[Daytoday79]

Thanks for being willing to listen. I'd be happy to follow you (I think I need to follow you to message you?)

[Asker]

No problem

[Daytoday79]

Or you could follow me, I think it works either way.

[Daytoday79]

I just don't know your account name as you're anonymous. But feel free to follow me I you want.

[Daytoday79]

Thanks ( Following you. But I need to be level 2 to message it days.

[Daytoday79]

Says ***

[slatyb]

Keep working with a therapist.